Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[Certain Hope]

I understand now, Bones... and I know it's not easy to end a 40+ year relationship. So especially tough to do when the other person doesn't hear or understand... doesn't really even seem to see you.
(((((((((Bones)))))))))  it's not even like you two grew apart....
more like you've outgrown her, it seems. Still, it's almost like she's a fixture in your life... more family than friend... so I can feel the sadness of it. Boggles my mind that a person can stumble through a lifetime like some of these folks do... it really does.
But then I did my own 40 years in the wilderness, so... all I can say is, if it weren't for Jesus, I'd still be goin around in circles - blind, deaf, and dumb.  I guess praying for her is the very best thing we can do!

Love,
Carolyn

[BonesMS]

Dear Bones,

Good luck with breaking up with your friend. It does sound like the best thing to do in this case.

X Bella

Thank you.

When she insists on trying to interfere with my job, she's gotta go.

Bones

[BonesMS]

I understand now, Bones... and I know it's not easy to end a 40+ year relationship. So especially tough to do when the other person doesn't hear or understand... doesn't really even seem to see you.
(((((((((Bones)))))))))  it's not even like you two grew apart....
more like you've outgrown her, it seems. Still, it's almost like she's a fixture in your life... more family than friend... so I can feel the sadness of it. Boggles my mind that a person can stumble through a lifetime like some of these folks do... it really does.
But then I did my own 40 years in the wilderness, so... all I can say is, if it weren't for Jesus, I'd still be goin around in circles - blind, deaf, and dumb.  I guess praying for her is the very best thing we can do!

Love,
Carolyn

Thanks, Carolyn!

I really feel sorry for her mother who is a helpless victim in all this because of her advanced Alzheimer's.

Bones

[Certain Hope]

Makes me wonder, Bones... how aware that sweet, elderly woman was of her daughter's issues throughout her life.
My grandma always made allowances for my aunt's idiosyncracies... and they had to be some very, very large allowances....
right up to the very end. Does this one have power of attorney over all of her mother's affairs?

[BonesMS]

Makes me wonder, Bones... how aware that sweet, elderly woman was of her daughter's issues throughout her life.
My grandma always made allowances for my aunt's idiosyncracies... and they had to be some very, very large allowances....
right up to the very end. Does this one have power of attorney over all of her mother's affairs?

I think another sister is acting as power of attorney as she handles her mother's money and has to be consulted regarding large decisions.  I think she is also pissed off at her Nsister for violating her boundaries as well.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Characteristics that I have been noticing about N's and people with N-traits:

(1) They think that what they want is automatically theirs, without any question.

(2) They think that what they assume is automatically true.

(3) They act, or are, completely oblivious to the damages they cause.

(4) They believe that the entire universe revolves around them.

(5) They believe that everything should be about them and what they want.

(Feel free to add more that I may have overlooked.  Thanks!)

Bones

[Ami]

N's can be late for appointments,but you can't
N's can insult you in the name of honesty,but cannot take any honesty(about them)
N's have little sense of humor
N's have great fear but instead of expresssing it directly, they decimate you when they see it in you
N's are waiting to "get you"i.e. prey
N's think that there ARE perfect people.
When a 'perfect" person shows a flaw--it is time to start looking for another perfect person
N's surround themselves with'lesser' people so they can appear "better"
N's are bullies,but Back down easily when you show strength
 N's  can not admit very basic human weaknesses
 N's can't stand people who excel
  That is a  start                                                                                                                                 Ami

[BonesMS]

N's resent people who achieve what they covet.
N's ignore what doesn't "fit" in their little world.
N's can range on a continuum of either being passive-aggressive to being rage-a-holics when things don't go the way they demand.
N's cannot apologize or show remorse when they get "busted" or they attempt to "justify" their destructive acts.

(I'm drawing a blank for the rest.)

Bones

[BonesMS]

N's ignore facts that don't "fit" their "world".
N's ignore boundaries after being told "NO" repeatedly.
N's continue to attempt to manipulate others to get what they want and ignore the impact on others.

(I'll probably think of more later.)

Bones

[BonesMS]

And I get yet another e-mail, after I'm at work, from Nfriend informing me that her mother's nurse is taking the day off and asking if I'm available to elder-sit immediately?!?!?!?  I simply deleted it without responding because I'm already at my job earning my paycheck!!!!!!  Knowing the nurse, I know she gave doofus plenty of notice that she was taking the day off and doofus waits until literally the LAST second to make other arrangements because she "ASSUMES" that I'll instantly drop my other obligations and committments for her convenience!!  Think again!!!!!  My silence should be a resounding "NO" to that assumption!!!!  I've stopped wasting my time, wasting my breath and wasting my energy explaining the obvious again!

Bones

[Bella_French]

Does anyone know the band `garbage'? I've been listening to some of their songs this week on youtube, and I get the strange sense that Shirley Manson (the lead singer/song writer) has a lot fo experience with Narcissism. This song `stupid girl' and another song `Milk' are very beautiful and haunting, and the lyrtics, if you listen are all about a female narcissist, expressed so poetically. Not sure if its her POV or describing te bullies she grew up with though.

STUPID GIRL LYRICS:

You pretend youre high
You pretend youre bored
You pretend youre anything
Just to be adored
And what you need
Is what you get

Dont believe in fear
Dont believe in faith
Dont believe in anything
That you cant break

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted

What drives you on what drives you on
Can drive you mad can drive you mad
A million lies to sell yourself
Is all you ever had

Dont believe in love
Dont believe in hate
Dont believe in anything
That you cant waste

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Cant believe you fake it
Cant believe you fake it

Dont believe in fear
Dont believe in pain
Dont believe in anyone
That you cant tame

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Cant believe you fake it
Cant believe you fake it

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Cant believe you fake it
Cant believe you fake it

[Ami]

WOW-- Bell
  What great lyrics.                                                                                                 

[BonesMS]

Interesting......not familiar with the band.

In dealing with a passive-aggressive N, it's annoying to explain my obvious work schedule exactly one week before and she STILL ignored the information and continues to attempt to force her assumptions on me.  When people have a committment to their boss to work their scheduled hours, in order to earn a paycheck, it's aggravating to deal with an N who assumes you are going to ditch your job for her convenience.

Bones

[Bella_French]

Dear AMi,

Thank you! I should start a thread sometime, about N-victimization expressed in culture. A few bands have written extensively about it as N victims,  such as Garbage, some of madonna's latest albums (ray of light especially), and a band called `dead can dance', which is very old (but the lyricist is still around- she did most of the music for the Gladiator soundtrack, with Russel Crowe). The lyrics  make me shiver! I'd love to find more, because the music that accompanies the lyrics tends to be hauntingly beautiful. I like seeing art made from pain; theres a sublime beauty to it.

Dear Bones ,

Sorry for the sidetrack. I can understand your frustration; I agree that N's are totally disrespectful. Have you decided how you are going to approach ending the friendship? It sounds as though she hasn't got the message (although she will probably ignore THAT too for a while)

X Bella

[BonesMS]

Dear AMi,

Thank you! I should start a thread sometime, about N-victimization expressed in culture. A few bands have written extensively about it as N victims,  such as Garbage, some of madonna's latest albums (ray of light especially), and a band called `dead can dance', which is very old (but the lyricist is still around- she did most of the music for the Gladiator soundtrack, with Russel Crowe). The lyrics  make me shiver! I'd love to find more, because the music that accompanies the lyrics tends to be hauntingly beautiful. I like seeing art made from pain; theres a sublime beauty to it.

Dear Bones ,

Sorry for the sidetrack. I can understand your frustration; I agree that N's are totally disrespectful. Have you decided how you are going to approach ending the friendship? It sounds as though she hasn't got the message (although she will probably ignore THAT too for a while)

X Bella

Thanks, Bella!

Right now, I don't want to communicate with her as I don't have the energy to keep covering the same ground repeatedly.

Bones