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standing up to an N

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kelly8893:
Very well put! Divedivedive, I have been doing the same thing but with no contact with my ex-N and it gives me satifaction knowing he doesn't get his n supply from me anymore!!!! I have been angry about it lately but I take a deep breathe and know that he isn't hurting me and getting his jollies off me anymore. That is enough to make the anger not so much and I can do the things I enjoy in life.

Have a great mothers day all!!!!
Kelly

Anonymous:
CG wrote:


--- Quote ---Hi Dawning, a question. If you could imagine all the actions and comments to you from your mum, coming from say, a neighbour or someone at work, how would your letter read then???

--- End quote ---


Thanks, CG.  Here is a recent letter I wrote to someone like you described above:

That was not my intention at all but you are certainly entitled to your
feelings. And your choice of words was obviously designed to hurt. You must
be in a lot of pain and I hope writing me in this manner helped you get
something off your chest. It appears you didn't bother to look at the
subject line - a QUESTION directed to how YOU ARE DOING. Anyway, if I
replied to friends keeping me up to date with the news from their personal
lives in this way, I would not have any friends. I understand how you feel
about xmas (I have felt like that too.) My telephone/email channels have
always been open to you and I have ALWAYS HONOURED YOUR REQUESTS but I also
understand that people have their own lives to lead and stories to tell even
when I feel that mine are not heard at the time when I want them to be. In
any case, I get the message loud and clear (though I am afraid that you are
wrong in your assumptions about me) and will duly remove your email address
from my records. Better to find out something like this now than after a lot
has been invested emotionally.

Dawning:
That was me above.  Log in...log in...

~Dawning.

Dawning:
I sound like a bitchy N in that last post.  I wrote a letter here and it disappeared.  All my mails are disappearing.  Is this a sign or something?

Has anyone else experienced the maddening frustration when you write out a mail and it just DISAPPEARS???

Anyway, what I wrote last night , was that the email I responded to in the letter above was hurtful to me.  The writer (a former colleague) was accusatory and she saw only her side.  I have no regrets about sending that response.  It was the first time I can remember deciding that I wasn't going to take this sh*t and that I could open my mouth - via email - and tell her that I am not all that bad and I won't have her say so.   She responded to my response asking me to call her sometime.  :shock:  The old me would probably have given in and called, hoping that she had become nice.  But, now I think, WHY would I call someone who wrote such a hurtful letter to me and I can't think of a reason.  And mother-questions?  I don't get many either.  Except for the ones with the word *me* in them.  i.e.  "would you like to call *me?*  Why do these people want ME to call THEM.  They have a phone.  They can take responsibility and call me if they want to speak to me.  Sheesh.   Maybe my mother is afraid of rejection like I am and she is afraid I will reject her if she calls so she asks me to call her.  Oh, I dunno.  But, as R said in this thread, she lacks *any* insight and, if she has it, she's not sharing it.  She wants me to take ALL the responsibility to enable her to get what she wants.  And I am not doing it anymore.  The best thing I can do is get on with my life and change the parts I want to change and evaluate where I am at and TAKE ACTION.  Get myself untangled from the machine.  I think I did something like that with the colleague.

Portia:
No D, it doesn’t sound like a bitchy N to me. What I get from your words is loads of hurt and anger. Were you that angry at this person? Is there a tad of misplaced anger in it, maybe meant for mom? Just wondering coz you really are angry! But then I don’t know the background, goodness knows what she said to you but whatever it was, it’s clear you don’t need that ‘friendship’ eh? (Wanna talk about what she said? Did I get you squirming just then? Wanna get that tumour out or is it benign?)

As for mails disappearing, nah, I write in Word and paste it in, saves the irritation. No it isn’t a sign, quell that worry okay?

And untangle from the machine? I like the idea of the Matrix, but it’s the NMatrix to me, quite an effective image. Seriously! Alternative realities and all that. P

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