Dear GS,
The modality that is REALLY helping me is the "inner child" work. The book"Healing Your Aloneness" by Chopich will give you a technique to get connected to yourself.
Your inner child is abandoned and shamed by you b/c you are acting on the messages you learned.NOW-- you are rejecting yourself.We are acting the SAME way to ourselves that our ABUSERS did.
You can discover how to embrace these inner 'torments" and turn them in to joys. JUST trust me and get the book. It cannot hurt.
As far the the topic of shame,.. I think that it is one of the worst pains in life when we have "thrown ourselves away" b/c we felt so, so worthless and inadequate.(This is shame, I think). It is the feeling of a big neon sign inside us that says-- BAD, WORTHLESS, DESERVES PAIN and HATRED, HAS to HIDE and LIE about WHO SHE IS"
I think that at some point we just split with ourselves. We just "throw" our true self away b/c we have decided that we are poison and terribly ,terribly shameful"
I am getting healing from shame. One way is to keep making myself SHARE the way that I feel inside.When other people relate, then I feel like I am not alone. This is very healing.
As I share about this deep pain and also study the "inner child" book, I feel more trusting of myself.
I am getting some of the wisdom back that I lost at 14. I am seeing that we ALL have shame in us, as humans. I am seeing that I am not alone with these awful feelings. They are human. However, I had a huge dose of them from my M. I guess with N's, everything is EXAGGERATED.
i had HUGE shame. However, shame is in everyone
One thing that kept my sanity as a child was that I was very intuitive and I believed my intuition. I SAW that everyone hurt inside and doubted themselves. I was not alone. I saw that it was the human condition-- not that I was a "weirdo".
That kept me sane and able to "own " myself. I felt like I was just a member of the human race-- not an "alien". GS, you will heal--if you just keep pulling back the layers of lies and distortions-- JUST like you are. Love to YOU Ami