Oh Poppy.... I know something's stuck in your chest that affects the breathing... it's the stress and fear and
.......
not knowing.
Sooooooo hard to reaise children when you have to live this way.
Time to get down to brass tacks with hubby and figure out
what sorts of boundaries (realistic)you must/can/might erect, so you don't feel this way.
clue (I think they'll be boundaries
you erect around
your emotions and self esteem, perhaps moving to a place of calm acceptance?)
He/H doesn't want to walk away from his FOO.
You don't want him to walk away.
You don't mind your children having contact.
They want to have contact.
So.......
what boundaries, that aren't interpreted as slaps in the face to the others, can you erect to feel better?
The kids won't be small forever... won't need your protection at this level, in other words.
You being left out of the reigndeer games isn't going to work bc it's the wrong message, unfortunately and you won't feel good about it, though I think it would suit me wonderfully to go to the spa while DH had the kids at his parent's house for a couple days, lol.
Heh.... take that! But really..... what do you want your children to experience?
So..... You're back to..... what?
You traipsing along.... hanging (wounded) on the outskirts of family functions... red headed and nicknamed Pugsley?
Blech.
They're going to have to do a bitbetter than that
for you, my friend.
Would it be enough for you be treated in a civil manner.... sharing understanding with your husband with the agreement that he backs them down if it needs to happen? Maybe you get to a point where their pathology is kinda humorous.... if you feel completely understood by your H?
I don't know but....
I would like to thin we could agree to disagree and have a meal where everyone pretends they're a civil decent human being, around the children, then we run out of the building..... like our hair's on fire.... until next time?
::big smile::
::whispering:: I couldn't do it if
humor wasn't involved.
I know I'd still be on the outskirts, in spirit, and it would simply BE an act for them/FOO to pretend they don't want to make me admit to being guilty and being the cause of their pathology...
::sigh::
but there are the children and my husband to think about, so....
if I
can live with it.... and that's a big IF.... then... ::shrug::.
For you..... for me..... it would be an excercise in finding peace and beauty in every moment around us.... we don't HAVE to concentrate ON THE NEGATIVE THINGS. Do we?
That would mean concentrating on the wind and the nice smells in the kitchen, on the songs of the season and the chatter of excited children..... their games..... the contentment and gratitude on my husband's face and in his heart, that he was receiving this gift of
family.Paying attention to the pathologically driven in-laws wouldn't do at all... nonono.
::shaking head:: Not at all.
You'd almost be walking through that visit.... that day..... in a meditative trance.... smiling like a buddhist monk.
::rubbing hands together::
Imagine how upsetting that would be for M and SIL, heh.

::sigh::
I watch myself grow beyond
things that might have driven me nuts at one time...and.....
it's a good thing, KWIM?
Just bc everyone else is running around, like chickens with their heads cut off.... doesn't mean it HAS to affect you or ruin your moments.
Rising above can actually be something that happens to you.... not something you practice or pretend.
Alchemy....
improbable....
but possible; )