running away

[Lupita]

Was wandering what is my contribution to this kind of problems. Why an I always in trouble? Is this normal to everybody? Am I doing something bad?
I left the book club, another church, another job for the same reasons. Maybe I need to stay here and overcome the problem to feel some kind of stability. I do not know what to do.
I left my family, my hometown, all for the same reasons. I have been running away from problems instead of solving them and staying.
They do not like me, I leave. People do not like me and I leave. That is what I do.
I should not care if the like me or not. Should I? 
 
 It started when I finished medical school. I went to Moscow to study music in revenge to my supervisor for favoring somebody else unfairly. I left my hometown in rancher of my mother. I went to nother city in revenge of somebody else. I left my book club in revenge of my nacissistic friends, I left a church in revenge of the stupid pastor and choir director. I did the same with other job too.

Now I am doing a good job in this school although I am not appreciated. Am I going to be appreciated somewhere else? I do not think so. Normally, bosses do not give positive reinforcement. They just keep you and that is enough to know that you are doing a good job.

Here, Mr. V wants me to stay, the accountant wants me to stay and they are the most important people in the church and the school. The custodios love me and do constant help to me.

Why should I leave because of a group of imbecils?

Please, help me God.

[Lupita]

So tired of running. So tired of being. So tired of existing.

[cats paw]

Lupita,

  I think you are onto something of monumental importance.  It is so hard to look at our own contributions to our life's problems in a calm way, in a way that does not then cause other life problems.

  You have listed many situations, and they all seem to have similar themes.  Would it be possible for you to start with one past situation and write about it, with special NON-judgemental attention to the thoughts and feelings you had and the choices you made?

  Stay calm with this Lupita.  You seemed calm when you listed the situations in your post.

   Just a suggestion, Lupita.  I do think you are at an important crossroad, and there are many ways to deal with it.

cats paw

[Certain Hope]

Dear Lupita,

I have felt like this, too... and done some of the same things. Just want you to know that I think you are facing issues with such maturity, honesty, and fairness and I'm certain that the answers you seek are very near. So I add to your prayer... please help us, God.
Cats Paw is right, I think... remain calm. To me, the key is learning to stop picking up offenses and just choosing to let them lie on the ground.

Love to you, Lupita, and blessings,
Carolyn

[lighter]

Well... it's a refreshing viewpoint.

It may even hold the key to overcoming and finding more satisfaction in all walks of your life.

Wouldn't it be something if the way you carried yourself, the energy you put off...... had something to do with all this?

If you've ever watched Cesar Millon, the Dog Whisperer.... you can see how different energy affects dogs..... immediately.

No doubt our energy sends signals to other human animals, as well.

Sounds like you're on to something. 

Time to stop and do some figuring. 

Pull back.... gain some emotional distance and think about problem solving..... not condemning yourself for changes you need to explore.

[Leah]

Dear Lupita,

Likewise .... in my life, I have done the same, come up to the hurdle that faced me and choose to run away from it instead of working my way over it.  Only to find the same hurdle facing me again at some later along my life journey.

Your posting today is wonderfully transparent, honest and yes, mature, and I also feel that you are now facing a very important 'hurdle' in your life.

Do not be afraid Lupita, stay calm, for you are beginning to see much in the way of how to deal with this 'hurdle' in your life.

Carolyn's advice is just right for you, the key is; "to stop picking up offenses and simply choose to let them lie on the ground."

Try not to take everyday offenses on board - they get too heavy to carry.

Be sparing with the amount of personal private information you give away - sometimes people have no need to know.

You're on the right track Lupita.

You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Love & Hugs to you,

Leah

[Lupita]

At least I am not the only one. It seems that several people in this board identify with my situation. And yes, I might be on to something.

I find somebody does not like me and I get scared and I get upset, and I sotp thinking clearly and I make mistakes, and I run away.
Of course, in another place, job or church, or club or dance school, I will find somebody who does not like me, then I get upset, stop thinking clearly, make mistakes bla bla and finally leave.

I have been doing that for 30 years, started at 20 and I am 50 now.

Guess the counselor that Mr. V got me for half price, will help me. I will see her the 8th of november at 4 pm.

I know she is going to say that I run away trying not to get hurt.

The problem is I should not get hurt because somebody does not like me. I should aquire the skills to deal with people who do not like me and the skills to respond to bullies that are all over the world and do not let them damage me.

Let us see if she can help.

Does anybody know of seminaries about more assertiveness, and how to deal with bullies? Social skills? etc?

[Leah]

Dear Lupita,

That's wonderful news --- the counsellor that Mr. V got you for half price, certainly will be of help to you.  And you will see her on the 8th of November at 4 pm which is only a few days away.

Please don't focus on the last 30 years --- instead choose to look ahead to the next third of your life.

A future in which you can make fresh choices and decisions as you are equipped with a better understanding and skills to handle the situations that we all are faced with during our life journey.

Take each session one at a time --- just one step at a time.

The counsellor will be aware of assertiveness courses and social skills courses available near you.

Running away is never the answer --- because the answer is within ourself --- we cannot run away from ourself.

Prayerfully thinking of you.

Love & Hugs,

Leah

[Poppy Seed]

We can't run away from ourselves??? Dang it !!

Lupita,

You are not alone!!  I have done this myself.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about my common denominator contributions to my problems.  And I love what others have said about energy.  I think energy is really powerful.  I think it generates from the words we use to describe our problems and our attitudes about them too.  I was just reading something that Carolyn added to the "What Helps" page.  It said to give our problems to God and devote our energies to faith in His abilities to make change.  Everytime I have done this in my life, he has helped make situations better than I ever thought.  I am doing it now with most of my life....(you probably don't sense much faith through all the whining  , but it is there. ::.   But, I really tried that again this week.  I was feeling really down and really alone.  I told God that I what I couldn't do and asked him to help me with it.  The events of this weekend were all blessings. I won't take the time to share.  They were no big deal to anyone else.  But to me, they were meaningful.  I know HE is helping you with these difficult people and sounds like blessing you with people who DO like you to counter-balance the not so nice ones.

 I think you are doing really wonderful.  God must be guiding you to understand certain things about yourself.  I will be interested to see what comes of it.  Let me know if you find anything that really works for you.  I still have so much to learn.

Love Poppy

[Leah]

give our problems to God and devote our energies to faith in His abilities to make change.  Everytime I have done this in my life, he has helped make situations better than I ever thought.

Assuredly true!  Trusting in God according to His will.  Nothing greater   

Love

Leah

[Lupita]

One of the biggest problems I have found as a daughter of an N mother, is craving for aproval. When we crave for aprovam from others we are giving them power over us.

I need not to care.

[Poppy Seed]

I am an approval junkie too!   You are right.  It really does give them power over us.  That's gotta stop for me, you know what I am saying????

Poppy

[betr4]

I can relate.  Seems like I was always getting hurt or left out. Then I married a n. My survival and sanity has come through reaching out to others for support and guidance.  I know my attitude and perspective are mine alone, and I am responsible for them and my choices.  It takes work everyday for me.  I am new here and I am already finding strength and support. Keep sharing.
BR

[Lupita]

The worst is when that carving for aproval is uncontrolable, compulsive and upseting. For example. Mr. V was in my class on Friday as it was Grnad parent's day and I have his grand daughter. We sang for him and he made a very good speech for us and I forgot to say thank you. We snag again and he left with a smile, but he did not say I enjoyed or this is a nice class, he just left smiling, but I felt it was a bad smile, but he sometimes he does not compliment to control, to keep you in the empty, and he has been a rpincipal for 44 years so he knows that I was craving fro aproval, and he did not give it to me.
So I cant stop thinking of him, my ex boss, and he has so much power in our church and our school and I love him so much. He did not say what i wanted to hear.

I gave him power over me.

Same when somebody dislikes us and we run away. We are gicing them power over us. And I keep doing it compulsively.

[Lupita]

the fear, the shame and the crave for aproval. All mexed together. A recipy for desaster.