As I look back, I can see the very first day that I walked into the life of a n. I knew something was wrong, but being the object of his affection and obsession, I was made a part of that denial from the beginning. I accepted it for a while,but the first time a conflict arose, he ran back to his mother. I was ready to end the relationship. He came back and made it all right. Til the next time.
The pattern was set. He set up the two worlds that he could live in. I maintained the front of a marriage and family. Alone. He barely showed up.
33 years later. It is wearing thin. I have been out of denial for years. Still not strong enough to end the relationship.
We live separately.
Today was hard. I feel almost nothing as I try to find my feelings. I was very sad today. Alone but doing good things. I think I want someone to share my life with. I am not wanting to be alone in life. I am missing having someone to love.
BR
