Gabbenangel, thanks for the info/article on projection. Some comforting words and lots of good stuff that illuminates some things I have puzzled about for a long time. I agree that projection is a huge factor in human relationships and esp concerning the mind-games of narcissists. I've even been accused of projection myself when I know it's actually the accuser doing the projecting of the projection! Gosh, the double-backflips that people can do to blind themselves to their own flaws. Not that I'm not capable of the same thing myself. Well, maybe not a double back-flip! But the minute you start pointing fingers it's time to look in the mirror.
If you are 'new to narcissism' (very hard to believe, you are so aware and knowledgable), you do not realize how dedicated and motivated this woman will be to destroy you and drive you away from her world. The danger you represent to her is 'existentially threatening' (per Vaknin, but I know this first hand). I was willing to live and let live with Randy and move on, but he was not and COULD NOT. She will spread her poison to everyone she can and she has far more power and credibility in this situation than you and you will be at a supreme disadvantage from the start. Your unwillingness to even 'engage' will do you no good. She will bring the battle to your doorstep and give you no choice.
Notice that the "innocent" people he fooled ain't innocent. They committed the Original Sin, believing an obvious lie just because it was juicy. Like Eve.........Narcissists and political character assassins are dangerous precisely because people do this. If, say, you have known someone for 10 years, you know a lot about him. Doubtless, you have seen his honesty tested and seen that he proved to be an honest man. So, nobody should be able to slither up to you tomorrow and tell you he's dishonest. If you buy that, you are betraying that honest man. To believe that lie, you must annihilate history and 10 years of evidence to the contrary. You are not innocent.
The above is from the article your referred to. I don't entirely agree with this. Good people can become ill from poisons spread by toxic people who are in positions of power. Even healthy people can catch the flu. So much of human behavior is subconscious and when people become fearful (e.g. afraid of picking the losing side when they don't have a clue what's going on) they behave in ways that are not typical for themselves in normal circumstances. Memories become short and even non-existent in a battle for hearts and minds. They probably also greatly fear becoming a target themselves.
But forget about them. If they choose against you despite their knowledge of truth, they've chosen out of fear, not reason and the consequences are their problem, I agree. The real hazard is becoming infected yourself and becoming toxic yourself, which is what happened to me. Out of pure defensiveness from being constantly attacked I became obnoxious and not-myself and I wandered in a wasteland of anger and sorrow for a long time. I'm not saying this will happen to you because you are not me, but it's something to consider. In some battles, there is nothing to win. In hindsight, I couldn't have done too many things differently given the state of my knowledge and spiritual development at the time and so here I am, just grateful to be feeling much better.
Bill
