Hi again
I just read the thread about the mom bite.
I have a weird parellel to add to this.
My mom ossillates between somthery hugs and insulting demeaning speech.
I am the family scapegoat.My oldest sister is seen as the perfect child,a godess and she spends practically no time with mom,my middle sister is seen as needy and insdependant,she works out alot and is neurotic about her body shape like mom is ,scared to death of fat..
Mom has a very intense tendancy to want her kids to be"normal" normal weight, act appropriate ect. She is frightened by differences in people. She is scared by anyone different be they creative or disabled,retarded or missing limbs.
Needless to say she hates the way I dress but she's forced to get over it because I'm beyond caring what she thinks about anything. I dress in a very unique way.She says people stare and I say to her, So?
Long ago when I was a teen I did alot of cutting on my arms,everyday I would cut. I have layers of scars.I had the cutting concealed most of the time nobody knew it when I cut.
One day I left the apartment(we had moved out of our house because my father was too drunk and violent to live with,he had held a gun to my moms head and I was the the one who had to enter the room first,because she was a coward and would rather I get shot than her I guess.)(another story)
Anyways,mom was always really neurotic about where I go.. always wondering what I do and whith whom and all. She grills me.
In reality when I went out as a teen, I was alone,I had no freinds for the most part,So I would go to the nearby woods climb a tree and try to relax or go to the stream. There was nothing to tell her about it.I could not tell her how I felt because my feelings especially negeitive ones she likes to either shut them off,minimize them, or turn my pain around into her pain and compare herself to me as if I don't have a right to feel, or kinda usurp it,so she can be the person in pain being comforted or listened to..So I had nothing to say but she wanted her scoop and nothing wasen't good enough fior her inner Jerry Springer..
Mom is very nosy and intrusive,She once wrote in my diary ,so I don't keep any diaries anymore. Everytime I try to keep one these days I forget it exists, She was always accusing me of reading her diaries and I never have.Total projection.
Nowadays I don't go outside anymore I don't know why. I sit in the house.I have lost the joy of the outrdoors maybe all those years locked up in mental hospitals..maybe it's all the rigaramole with mom,the neighborhood bullies ect...I dunno.
This day I am thinking of I had cut my arms while I was out,I didn't want to go back home but it was dusk and mom was being neurotic and I was thinking of running away but I knew I had nowhere to go.. I answered mom's call,and I stayed out of arms reach,Eventually she lurched for me and I avoided her grasping..I felt a trickle of blood travel into my hand .Mom had no clue I had cut,I had wrapped my wounds in toilet paper from a nearby store's bathroom and had longsleeves on .She was yelling at me to get into the house, Once she stopped trying to catch me I walked up to her suddenly and I smeared the blood drips on her cheek and I told her I loved her and ran away. She didn't go after me,I was crying and stuff.
She didn't realize I had smeared blood on her face. She walked back into the house as if she was totally unaware. I went back to the woods. When I got home she was very distant.I didn't come back home until it was late and dark. I had spent the evening with some stray cats.
There is a theme
I put blood on my mother's cheek becaue she wanted me in the house.
And the other person was bit on the cheek by her mother because she was going away too.
I don't know what the symbols mean.
But seeing these two things side by side is fascinating.
