Author Topic: The Awkward Pause as a Tool/Lupita  (Read 3476 times)

Lupita

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Re: The Awkward Pause as a Tool/Lupita
« Reply #15 on: December 01, 2007, 10:14:02 AM »
Dear Grat, Thank you so much for taking the time to answer me. That made me feel very well, because that means you also had those kind of problems.
Your ideas are great. I did not have a chance to put them to work because God provided an enormous coincidence that kind of helped. The senior that was a lieder in that class wants to play basket ball. To be able to do that he has to have a better grade. So, he promised to help in the class and when he says "shut up" they obey him.
So this week, things in that class were not perfect but much much better, and this kid said "Come on, Ms. Lupita, I am listening" suddenly everybody was listening. Two others started with stupid comments, trying to get me out of teaching the lesson, but in a couple of minutes nobody payed them any attention.
That was on Tuesday, after a very bad class on Wednesday. So, Wednesday was kind of the same, Thursday was perfect adn Friday was perfect. I told the kids that I was very happy that he was helping and he gave me a hug.
Let us see how is Monday.
The thing is that, that is my worst class, but they are not that bad, they stay in theri sti, they do not talk loud, they are even listening, just not demonstrating respect, but I relized they are listeining, thay talk in a lower voice, so they are just trying to show me the power, but just pretending, to push my buttons, but if I ask question may raise their hands to answer even inf two are making comments to distract me, but, if you see a video, with out sound you would see a very good class, sitting at their desk earising their hands, and doing something, learning is taking place, I just do not get the attitud I want. Maybe I am asking too much, because the other classes are perfect, all my other classes are like a belssing from the sky, I praise the Lord ofr all the rest of my students everyday, then I want this bad class "bad class" not really that bad, to be as perfect as the others.
So, I cannot trust my perseption. My thoughts are very disturted. You know my stiory. One of the custodios told me,
"Ms. Lupita, why do you torment your self so much?"
Thank you Grat.
I appreciate all your teaching ideas. Please, keep writing to me. Thank you. God bless you.

gratitude28

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Re: The Awkward Pause as a Tool/Lupita
« Reply #16 on: December 04, 2007, 08:46:51 AM »
Lupita,
Yes, everyone has difficult students and classes. It sounds like you are realizing that yours are not so bad - and that is the way it sounds to me too.

WhyMe,
Somehow I missed your post and I wanted to say welcome and yes, it takes practice. I spent years and years apologizing for every little thing. People used to ask me why I was saying I was sorry for things I didn't do. I think the first part of the battle is seeing where you jusmp in to do this... the second part is controlling yourself and not doing it.

Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

whymeagain

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Re: The Awkward Pause as a Tool/Lupita
« Reply #17 on: January 08, 2008, 02:11:37 PM »
Thank You Beth

I appreciate your warm welcome. I know this is going to be a difficult battle for me, because I have done it for so long. I agree and believe you are right, recognizing where, when, how and most important WHY is the first steps. I guess, it has been easier for me to take the reigns so to speak to douse the fire, than allow it to continue to rage. I don't like to see people hurting, when I feel they are, I guess I take on their problem as my own. I have this need to fix-it. I do this, even when they have wronged or hurt me. I will excuse their action, and take on the blame by words spoken such as, "It's okay, I know you are going through a lot." "I know you didn't mean it that way." I am realizing, this has become a real problem in my life. I hope to make some small steps toward stopping this action in my life. I just want to know, that I am doing it in a healthy way. Here is to the New Year of Change!


Leah

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Re: The Awkward Pause as a Tool/Lupita
« Reply #18 on: January 08, 2008, 02:34:41 PM »
Thank You Beth

I appreciate your warm welcome. I know this is going to be a difficult battle for me, because I have done it for so long. I agree and believe you are right, recognizing where, when, how and most important WHY is the first steps. I guess, it has been easier for me to take the reigns so to speak to douse the fire, than allow it to continue to rage. I don't like to see people hurting, when I feel they are, I guess I take on their problem as my own. I have this need to fix-it.

 I do this, even when they have wronged or hurt me. I will excuse their action, and take on the blame by words spoken such as, "It's okay, I know you are going through a lot." "I know you didn't mean it that way." I am realizing, this has become a real problem in my life. I hope to make some small steps toward stopping this action in my life. I just want to know, that I am doing it in a healthy way. Here is to the New Year of Change!



"Happy New Year of Change" to you, Whymeagain

Gosh, what you have written, to which I have emboldened, is SO very much how I used to be, all my life.  Along with always apologizing, even when they were in the wrong!

Every good wish fo you, along your journey,

Leah  ~  ex-doormat
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO

whymeagain

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Re: The Awkward Pause as a Tool/Lupita
« Reply #19 on: January 08, 2008, 05:01:51 PM »
Thank You Leah,

You have given me hope that I can and will learn how to get beyond this. I look forward to the road ahead, though I do realize it isn't always going to be easy, I also realize it is a needed change! I appreciate your encouraging words, as well as I hope that you will be one of my guides along the way. Nice to meet You (btw)

Leah

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Re: The Awkward Pause as a Tool/Lupita
« Reply #20 on: January 08, 2008, 05:13:06 PM »
Thank You Leah,

You have given me hope that I can and will learn how to get beyond this. I look forward to the road ahead, though I do realize it isn't always going to be easy, I also realize it is a needed change! I appreciate your encouraging words, as well as I hope that you will be one of my guides along the way. Nice to meet You (btw)

Oh, Thank You, Whymeagain,

Really is nice to meet you too.

Funny thing is, I was just going to post again to you, as your words have impacted me today, and enlightened, with regard to a situation that had been offsetting me a little.  I work from home, so inbetween, I have been sketching the words and pondering some, and have jotted down notes in my journal.  So, thank you.

BTW .... this year is my New Beginnings year, which is all about Change(s). 

It's a good table of life here, with us all seated round, sharing and supporting, you have to get your own coffee/tea though!   :)

Love, Leah
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO

teartracks

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Re: The Awkward Pause as a Tool/Lupita
« Reply #21 on: January 08, 2008, 05:28:29 PM »



Beth,

Your thread rocks!   What you say speaks volumes about what to do when doing anything other than remain silent would validate senselessness.

tt



gratitude28

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Re: The Awkward Pause as a Tool/Lupita
« Reply #22 on: January 09, 2008, 07:20:19 AM »
Thanks so much tt.
I am using this silence more and more. Funny, though, that regardless of the pauses, NM does not hear how foolish her statements are. If I were an N, I would get mad about the pauses, but she rages about silly things. It is odd to me that somehow we can never pin down how an N will act/react. I keep thinking I "get it" and then realize I don't.
Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Hopalong

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Re: The Awkward Pause as a Tool/Lupita
« Reply #23 on: January 09, 2008, 08:19:29 AM »
Hi Beth,
Good to hear you.
I think being unreliable and emotionally volatile and inconsistent is part of the N disease.

Nothing to "get". Sounds like you're using the silences for yourself, and that's good.

I hope you and Henry are happy and well...cuddles!

love
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

gratitude28

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Re: The Awkward Pause as a Tool/Lupita
« Reply #24 on: January 09, 2008, 08:24:45 AM »
(((((((((((((((((Hops))))))))))))

Thanks!!!
Henry is doing well... although he's got a toe infection and we are going to the Doc today. They love him at the pet store!!! He has been in hibernation mode, having experienced his first cold ever. He sleeps with his paws over his nose and it is soooooooo cute.

Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams