Sabotage - large and small

[wiltay]

Oh, Peace.  What loads of crap you had to grow up with!  They hated you because you because you were better than they were and they knew it.  (You have always known it too). What was devastating was their hate, from people you felt love for.  It spins your head around.

Bill

[finding peace]

Dear Leah -

Reading your story was hauntingly familiar; so many similarities. 

I did not get a chance to tell you how sorry I was about your doll.  (I am sorry for bringing this up if it is too painful - please let me know and I will delete this.)  What they did really struck me as pure evil.  I see my little 4-year-old with her stuffed animals and they are her friends, and a source of comfort to her.  I can only imagine how much comfort you found in your doll especially given the environment you were raised in.  And to have her so cruelly taken away.  on edit:  I feel like I didn't adequately express how much my heart just breaks for you and your friend. I am so sad

I have gotten over so much of what was done to me, but this is one area where I haven't been able to get past the pain.  It still hurts, a lot.

I just don't understand people like these.

Thank you for the hugs

(((((Leah)))))))

Much love,
Peace

[finding peace]

Thank you Bill,

You are right:

What was devastating was their hate, from people you felt love for.  It spins your head around.

I never could understand their hate.  I still don't. 

((((((((Bill Thank You))))))))))

[Gabben]

Sabotage is an everyday weapon for Ns I think.  It's always extremely childish, which makes it easy to dismiss coming from someone you think is an adult, IOW it has to be some misunderstanding or fluke.  Until it happens again and again and again.  That's been my story with the male Ns I've known who have seemed to view me as a rival, a competitor of some sort, who has to be messed with or I will beat them at something. There's a contest going on that I'm not even aware of. 
Bill

I hole heartily agree: sabotage is an everyday thing with N's. My two church N friends (including N saint therapist) loved to throw parties and gatherings that were centered around them or some special date for them. The two would go to great lengths to plan every detail and inform people well in advance. Normally their gatherings were large, festive and fun.

Once, Church N and Saint Therapist N decided to throw a party for me as I was being confirmed into my faith. I thought "how nice of them!" I was flattered and surprised.  But at the same time I thought how strange that they decide to throw the party a week before the date; it turns out it was too late for most people to attend because they already had plans. I asked them to cancel because I felt silly, most of my friends and could not attend on such short notice. They said not to worry that they still wanted to have the celebration.  Only about 3 people in our prayer group or parish could make it on such short notice. I felt embarrassed at how few people actually showed up. The party was depressing if you can imagine a lot of food and only 6 people total, including me. Is was nothing like their normal parties and very little time or consideration went into the planning. I found it awkward. I don't think they actually thought...let's make sure this is embarrassing for Lise and make sure she knows that she is not important. No, I think they subconsciously sabotaged. I was honored at what did go into the party and grateful but something just did not feel right about the whole thing.

Lise

[wiltay]

Lise, you really have to wonder why they considered you such a threat that they would go to such lengths to do such childish things?   I think it was simply a sadistic exercise of the power to hurt you to make up for the deficits in their own souls.  This speaks to your value in their eyes, values which they can only pretend to, but which you are in flesh and blood.  It's that old competition thing again, I think.  (Except they can only win by cheating).

Bill

[Hopalong]

Leah

Peace

 

Hops

[changing]

Leah and Peace-

Oh those criminal nitwits! What you both suffered is unspeakable! How extraordinary that two of the nicest and most gentle souls on the planet went through so much that would break the spirit of a grown-up, long less a child. Yet somehow you retained your goodness and sense of right and wrong. (((((Leah and Peace)))))

Love,

Changing

[Ami]

Dear Bean,
  I always get insight from your posts.This was no exception.               Love to you     Ami

[Leah]

Dear Bean,

Superb post and all 10 points resonate with my life experiences.

Thank you

Love, Leah

 

[Leah]

Leah and Peace-

Oh those criminal nitwits! What you both suffered is unspeakable! How extraordinary that two of the nicest and most gentle souls on the planet went through so much that would break the spirit of a grown-up, long less a child. Yet somehow you retained your goodness and sense of right and wrong. (((((Leah and Peace)))))

Love,

Changing

((( Changing ))) and ((( Hops )))

and dear ((((( Peace ))))

Love & Hugs,

Leah


Sometimes, I wonder, did my parents, and all other parents who are just like my parents --- did they perpetrate evil against their child (children) because they could not bear the good that they saw in their child???

"Light and Dark clashing"

Can't seem to come up with any other explanation.

[Gabben]

Lise, you really have to wonder why they considered you such a threat that they would go to such lengths to do such childish things?   I think it was simply a sadistic exercise of the power to hurt you to make up for the deficits in their own souls.  This speaks to your value in their eyes, values which they can only pretend to, but which you are in flesh and blood.  It's that old competition thing again, I think.  (Except they can only win by cheating).

Bill

Hi Bill!

Nice to hear from you, I have missed our dialogues. I was kind of hoping that you would get angry with me again

How are you doing? Any N sabotage currently happening in your life?

I had a thought yesterday about this which you wrote, it reminded me of when Tanya's camp hired someone to whack Nancy on knee. If you can't beat with natural ability and talent then take the competition out, right?!?

You said:
"This speaks to your value in their eyes"

I happy that YOU can see me.

Lise

[finding peace]

(((((((((((((Leah, Bill, Hops, and Changing and to everyone))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you so much.

Leah - I don't know - part of me just screams why?  Sometimes I suspect on my mother and brother's part it was envy.  With my father - it was total self-centeredness.  But, I just can't wrap my mind around it.   

Bean, you said:

The horrible thing about working with a group of Ns (or even 1 N ringleader and his misguided lambs) is you have to anticipate the sabotage, which means you have to get into their heads often and try and think like they do...to try to anticipate their next move; that is if you want to survive.

Yep, yep, yep - I had to do this with my father.  I had to learn to read him like a book, every slight nuance of expression.  I have to say, this has helped me in the business world - I have learned to read people very well because I was taught from such an early age.

Peace

[Leah]

Yep, yep, yep - I had to do this with my father.  I had to learn to read him like a book, every slight nuance of expression.  I have to say, this has helped me in the business world - I have learned to read people very well because I was taught from such an early age.
Peace

Peace

Likewise, and also, has helped me in the business world, much to the annoyance of FOO members!

Love, Leah

[wiltay]

       I guess I'm lucky that I've been self-employed most of my life and have not been around 'office politics' to speak of.   It's a major gap in my education though because I can be incredibly naive about people behavior in groups, esp Ns and I don't see  (or believe!) what they're up to until it's too late.  I get into group situations and I'm like the country rube visiting the big city.  Bean, I am not very knowledgeable about most of these 'tricks' except for #4 Gossip (as sabotage).  Randy was incredibly skilled at undermining others without people knowing he was doing it. 

     One thing I noticed later was that the people he undermined to me were always people I liked and expressed admiration for, i.e. the competition in HIS mind for his N supply.  Very hard to describe how he did it.  He would agree with me about them and then so delicately slide in this tiny little innuendo, so innocent and trivial sounding, but I would walk away from the conversation with the clear impulse to think less of this person.  It's like he had smeared them with just a little bit of yuck behind their left ear and I would have to be kind of stupid not to see it.  I DID see what he did however and I just shook it off, thinking that he's a good friend just trying to cover my back.  WOW.  A vacuum cleaner you can ride to the moon! How much??

     I AM mad at you Lise!  Didn't I tell you?? Grrrrrrrrrrrr.. There, do you feel better now?  (I can see you fine when I'm not mad at you. (lol))

Bill

   

[isittoolate]

Sabotage or just plain Psychopathy?

When N and I had the computer business, he said he had a job for me--through company $40/hr.

I had to take a website series for an hotel chain and move it from one host to another. It took me all week to set it up so that every page and image was there and that every link worked. 39½ hrs/ $1580.00

Now I knew he was thinking something when he saw what I earned and had to make a invoice to the head Office. He then says I ought to charge less. I said that he said it would be $40/hr so bill them.

We had arguments.

We were at one of the hotels where we had been invited for dinner on the house. he did some work first and I was left to wonder what to do. finally at dinnertime I went to the duining room and ordered some wine and they had some really delicious appetizers. finally N finds me in there and it didn't take long to bring up this subject again, and THIS time he says I ought not be paid at all. I was speechless at first, but then said I did what he asked me to do which was what the hotel chain had wanted.

He said, "Yes but you didn't know what you were doing and and I spent time with you and never charged". I disagreed as I could see him invoicing them and keeping the $$ for himself--yet all money had to go through me.

I got madder than Hell, eventually on this topic, and went to the front desk to order a Cab. He came out and told me not to, it didn't look good for him if I walk out on the dinner-------I spent $80.00 to get home and he was there. I asked the driver for a receipt for $40 but paid him the $80.00 plus a tip.  (needed it too, at home)

Then, because I had signing authority and all web sites (7 hotels) were online and working, I wrote myself a cheques and banked it in my account. A few days later I told him and he went crazy. *I had stolen from him*. No way. We were partners and I was paid for my work (the very first after all the computers I built for him and he never paid me, never paid me for bookkeeping and everything else to keep the business running. )

When I left him he said I could NOT take my computer with me unless I paid him $1600.00.

I said 'Dream on buddy. I will buy my own', and did!

A few months later he told me that the hotel chain was fighting the invoice and he settled for $700.00, yet was still saying I owed him (the business) $1580.00

Somehow I think he just couldn't admit that I could do the job and do it right!

Izzy