I'm sorry for your pain. I also have two N sister, two of them. I cry sometimes and can't believe they are both N's, what are the odds?
I was estranged in an odd way for 10 years from one of my n's. We also had a verbal fight, all came out. I told her she was "SICK".
One moment she lost herself because she replied back, "Why didn't you tell me?"
Then fell silence and then she went on like she never said that, for a moment maybe new, maybe cared she couldn't control herself.
I still can see her face when she replied, vulnerable, weak..........Yet gone in a nano second.
I use to play cat and mouse. I was very close to our mother, we all were. I would sit having coffee with my mother looking out the window petrified she would show up and I would be corned by her. I would have my mother call her just to make sure she was home and to see if she was visiting soon. And if she was coming, I was up and out before my mother walked away from the phone.
So I can't even imagine having to be around her in social settings. ((hugs and strength to you)).
This lasted a long time. We were together at birthdays, weddings, family gathering and I kept away their was a very dark silence.
Odd though, we did work together to take care of our dad when he was terminal and my mother years later when she got dementia and other medical problems.
We corresponded by notes, phone messages and meeting when we had too.
When my mother was rushed to the hospital one night sister and I were leaving and she asked if I knew of a book called Boundaries by Henry Cloud.
Funny I was just reading it myself about my other Nsis. She wanted to talk, we did in the parking lot for hours. Didn't know how and why it all happened.
We saw a Therapist, her therapist, not deep at all. Tried to reconcile. she was overly kind, FAKE.
That was six years ago. I might be seeing them both this weekend for lunch.
I miss my niece and nephew, we were close when they were growing up. My sis is 15 years older than me. So they must think I'm a cold aunt. I love them by afar, they are hers and I shall not pass that line.
I'm so sorry for you and your mothers broken heart. I would like to hear more about you. How old is she? What was the dynamics of her as a child?
I have five other siblings, one young brother passed when he was six and I was eight. So I grew up with them mostly out of the house and married. I kinda felt like an only child, and yes on those days it was beautiful. When they came I was filled with freight.
How does one cope, is a great question I am still working through that myself. Hope we can find an answer that can set you free and at peace.
I'm glad you are here. ((((seasons)))
