Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Does the N ever receive HER just deserts?
Clueless:
Donīt you think that being condemned to a life of unreality and unhappiness is a pretty hard thing to bear? A human being must have been deprived of waaaaay too much before s/he becomes what s/he becomes. I recently left my partner of four years because I could see that I was hurting him. Iīve been told for sooooooo many years that I have no feelings that now I believe it. I believe myself to be a cancer to other human beings and so I stay away from them as much as possible. Is that right? If you really believe that she feels no pain then you are fooling yourself. Iīm almost certain that sheīs in constant pain. Joy, warmth, companionship, fulfillment - these are the things that make life worth living. To believe that you will never be good enough - as I do despite what people may think to the contrary - is a horrible fate. YOU are the lucky one in this equation... I hope I donīt sound hostile, but have pity for her. just my two cents
Anonymous:
Clueless,
The fact that you can cognitively comprehend how others are affected by you makes me believe that you can learn how to be a contributing factor in a relationship.
I just so happen to be in a relationship with a N. I am not going to sit here and try to make everyone think that it is an easy path to travel on because actually it is quite the contrary. We dated for two years when he abruptly ended the relationship. After I searched the globe all over to try to find an answer to the many questions that were filling my head, I stumbled upon N.
After being apart for several months, I had an opportunity to talk to him and I approached him in a manner that N respond to. I was very monotone, I didnt let my emotions run the conversation. I stated that I believed he was a N and I gave him a little bit of how I perceived him to fit into this personality disorder. Upon researching N he also came to the same conclusion. He has made tremendous progress and to hear his perception of the world and to know the pain he has suffered in silence over the years was a big learning experience for both him and I.
As I mentioned before, this road has not been an easy one to travel but I will tell you this much, unconditional love is excepting those you love for who they are. It is not a free ticket to abuse those you love, it is a chance to be loved for who you truly are. I think that when I presented that opportunity to him, for the first time in his life, he felt he was truly loved and accepted despite his flaws. I am all for giving a person a second a second chance to prove they are worthy. I do not believe in repeated mistakes over and over again. As long as he continues to be aware of those who surrounds him, he continues to see the world through a different set of eyes.
There have been times he has reverted back to his ways. I remain firm on what I will and will not tolerate and he continues to climb his way back up after he falls.
Just the fact that you could write what you did shows to me that you are not so far gone that you cant find your way back. Peace and tranquility is the reward you shall receive. Wouldnt you love to silence those deamons inside your head and your soul??
sonia:
Hi Clueless,
Sorry for being a dolt, but I need some clarity. Are you saying you are Narcissist?
Sonia
Clueless:
Hi guest,
Nice to hear from you. I donīt know how to put the pieces back together, but I know that the fact that other people have told me I have no feelings since the age of 14 ( I am now 29) has really made me afraid of relationships. My mother died when I was 14 and a load of other sh!t happened. I always try to WARN people (even before I heard of N) to stay away from me, and lots STILL come into my life. & yrs ago had a major breakdown and ever since then self esteem SO LOW avoided friends, pretty much gave up on life (Also constantly exhausted etc.) Iīm now SO frightened of myself and the abuse I inflict Iīve pretty much given up all my friends. My ex made me feel xtremely scared cause he looked at me with SO MUCH LOVE. Iīm scared scared scared to trust anymore... but I wanna live, and love, and BE HAPPY and human if I can be, but itīs a long road. At the mo Iīm in a kind of " if this then that phase" and itīs awful... but Iīm gonna get help, and Iīve learned a lot and I hope I make up some of the damage some day...
Good luck with your partner, heīs a lucky guy. And take care of yourself too. Thanks so much for writing to me, it means a lot.
Clueless:
Hi sonia,
Iīve not been diagnosed as an N, but as dissociative, but what Iīve been thru and heard makes me believe Iīm an N anyway.
Since my mum died 16 yrs ago people Iīve met have constantly told me that I have no emotions. Itīs true that I find emotional ties extremely hard to maintain, I have low self esteem at the moment (major breakdown 6 yrs ago) and I withdrew from almost everyone cause I was so scared of what happened. I couldnīt hear my ex cause I was too scared to get close. If he said sīthing nice Iīd get annoyed cause felt I wasnīt good enuogh for my own standards, but what he thought didnīt count as it were. The thing is I left him because I was being indescribably cruel to him because I canīt feel properly. But if you think I donīt feel pain... I do. Everytime he looked at me with love in his eyes I was in pain because I knew I could only hurt him - by being defensive, by ignoring him, by being unhappy. I know I loved him because I used up all my energy trying to block him out (NOT consciously!) It literally made me tired! So just remember, everyone feels pain, somewhere, and try not to be too harsh. Nīs know what they are and they know what theyīre missing and they know that their lives are hell.
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