Does the N ever receive HER just deserts?

[Anonymous]

Guys,

Sidney asked why I lived with this woman for 4 yrs. I lived with her for 4 years because she kept threatening to kill herself if I left. I was in major confusion, depression, and I was scared of her.

As for the turning off my real self? Sounds about right. I get frozen and scared. I'm gonna work on finding myself again, hope shrink can help.

[Portia]

Hey that's what shrinks are there for.
'Voicelessness and emotional survival' - is not just about Ns either. Hope you use the board to keep using your voice. It's a great place to practice for the 'real' world. (Though sometimes I think the board is the real world and it's the others that are fakes!) P

[survivor (original)]

I'm back and guess what?  The N/CP has received her just deserts...she is in a classic narcissitic crash period, and desperate.  She called me out of the blue this past Friday morning, crying, sobing, desperate, begging me to talk with her in person for 30 minutes.  We had not spoken in 8 months, read my post above that started this thread on June 7, and you will know the horrific pain this woman caused me.  

All I can tell everyone on this board who has endured or is still enduring the horror of one of these people in their lives or recent life and is still grieving them is:  Maintain ABSOLUTE ZERO CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!! AT ALL COSTS.....these people have no remorse, they only have the ability to look out for themselves, they care about noone, they are of a world wherein their self absorption is literally incomprehensible to a normal loving being......

I held my ground on the phone, maintained my kind demeanor and told her that I cannot help her anymore.  She said that she hates her life, that her relationship with this guy is over and was terrible....I am telling you people, if I had not found the support groups, read the books and worked through the 8 months of hard painful healing...I could have been drawn (lured) back into her physcdrama.   The pain was rising in my heart as we spoke, I kept the call to less than 5 minutes.....I must tell you all however.....I feel and truly believe that i must still run away for it is still not safe for me....

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Survivor,

You did really well!! I absolutely agree with you about no contact. Of course it would have been a disaster again. She hasn't learned anything whatsoever -- but you have. You handled it with aplomb. Kudos!

bunny

[sonia]

Maintain ABSOLUTE ZERO CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!! AT ALL COSTS.....these people have no remorse,  

Survivor,

Good for you keeping up the boundries. The only thing I have to add is to not get tempted to have any more contact with this person. Do you have caller I.D.?

Sonia

[Violet]

Joining this late in the game...

I've never know anyone who was as miserable as my N father in-law.  Most normal people seek to get as far away from an N as is humanly possible as quickly as possible because the N causes them pain.  The one thing they are generous with is the pain. They like to spread it around.

Now, imagine: you can never get away from that. The N, that is you, is always there 24/7. How miserable would you be?!  He/she makes himself or herself as miserable as they make us and they can never get away! Ever!

Now that's hell.

But I won't be crying any tears for them because it's not that they CAN'T get away, it's that they DON"T WANT TO.  NPD is an Axis II disorder. It is not, like schizophrenia, an Axis I disorder. Axis II sufferers have a lot more control over their illnesses.  Some researchers have discounted genetics as a predicting factor entirely and say that Axis II folks have total control over their behaviors.  

From what I've read and learned, most N's can control their behavior, but they choose not to. They usually demonstrate this control when they want to impress someone or are faced with huge consequences. On this little piece of information alone, I am convinced that Ns are in total control of their actions.  As such, I am sorry that the N is miserable, but they made that bed of misery.

P.S. Way to go on freeing yourself from that soul-sucking vampire!

[shixie]

Surviver, CONRATULATIONS!  Absolutely, maintain zero contact and get out of Dodge.  I'm proud of you.