Hola Mi Amiga,
I think you are doing MUY, MUY BIEN

. I see you have become very conscious of your thinking:
I am aware I am discounting the positive. All black and white, no shades, generalization, personalizing, emotional reasoning, fortune telling and mind reading.
But the fact that I see it and understand it it is progress.
Like the book says, it would be better if people did not tell me what I do not want to hear, but they do, so what good does it do to me to be suffering for what people tell. I cannot control what people say. They can say whatever they want. I can disreargd it or ignore it if I do not like it. But not suffer for it.
I am trying.
But I am going backwards, I should pay attention to observer. No no no, should statement again, it would be better if I did not duffer for things i cannot control. Dios Mios, Lupita!! Did you write this, or did a serene Zen Buddhist write it???

Lupita, look at the incredible progress you have made; it’s wonderful!!

You have become aware of distorted thinking and you are now conscious of the thoughts you are thinking.
You are aware of how your EMOTIONS affect your THOUGHTS and how your THOUGHTS affect your EMOTIONS.
You have become aware that it is POINTLESS to MAKE YOURSELF SUFFER about things over which you have NO CONTROL.
Congratulations, Lupita!! This is a big and important accomplishment and you achieved it so quickly. Muy, muy bien.
Can you be nice enough to yourself to congratulate yourself and tell yourself that you did a great job? If you had a friend who achieved a goal very quickly, wouldn’t you tell your friend that they did a great job? Can you be a friend to yourself and tell yourself that you did a wonderful job by learning so quickly to identify distorted thinking?
I think you are not recognizing your accomplishment and you are making like it is no big deal, but it is a big deal. So I hope you will celebrate your accomplishment by doing something nice you yourself, just like you would do for a friend. Lupita, please learn to be kind to yourself.
Now, let’s talk about the girl friend’s mother (I will call her “GFM”). I think that the real problem with the GFM is that YOU are letting her IGNORANCE aggravate you. Remember, you have NO CONTROL over the GFM, in fact you have NO CONTROL over anyone EXCEPT YOURSELF. We have no control over other people, we only have control over ourselves.
So, the question becomes, why do you allow GFM, who is obviously an ignorant person, to aggravate you?
Here’s a couple of things I want to say about people like GFM, Dr. U, your mother and all the other annoying people in your life: Use Filters and Boundaries.
First, I think you need to develop a Filter to separate out what is “truthful, relevant and accurate” from what is “bullsh*t, untruthful or inaccurant” when people speak to you.
Lupita, you seem to be treating the “bullsh*t, untruthfulness and inaccuratcy” which GFM said to you AS IF it were “truthful, relevant and accurate”, otherwise, why would you be so upset?
GFM does not know you, she does not know about how much your mother has hurt you, GFM doesn’t know ANYTHING true about your relationship with your mother, so WHY do you give her any credence? GFM doesn’t know squat, right? GFM certainly does not sound sympathetic or kind to you, because if she was, she wouldn’t have said what she did, right?
You are upset because YOU are giving GFM CREDIBILITY which she has not earned and does not deserve.
So, whenever someone says something to you, you must run it through your FILTER in order for you to decide whether the information is CREDIBLE, ACCURATE and RELEVANT and whether you should accept it as TRUTH.
For example, you know that GFM did not take into account your point of view concerning your mother, so WHY would you give credence to what she says? GFM does not understand (or discounts) your feelings, so why give her any credence? If you don't give her credence, then GFM becomes like an annoying little fly that you can shoo away. Of course, don't be hostle or mean to her, but try to ignore her whenever you can.
Likewise, use the filter as your boundary. For example, since you determined that what GFM said to you is “bullsh*t, irrelevant, untruthful and inaccurate”, now put up a Boundary to protect your feelings so that her words do not hurt you.
Try to use this filter and boundary combination for things said to you by Dr. U, your mother and anyone else. Use the filter and boundary combination to protect yourself so that you won’t let these people upset you or hurt you.
This filter and boundary combination is another way of saying trust your intuition, trust your gut. If you think someone is gaslighting you, then trust your intuition because they probably are gaslighting you. So, make a mental note that you will have to filter whatever this person tells you because this person is not trustworthy and then put up a boundary around your feelings so that they CANNOT hurt you. Use your boundaries to protect yourself.
And, if the person is not trustworthy, it’s not worth it to get aggravated over them. Just be very cautious when you are around them and don’t be inclined to believe what they tell you.
I have to go out now. Hope this helped.
PS: Spending Christmas will be a way to test your skills with GFM. On the other hand, do you really want to spend Christmas with her? As I myself heal from N abuse, I've decided that I will try to avoid spending time with people I do not like. I understand that you do not want to hurt your son, but please be true to yourself. Will it drive you crazy to spend Christmas with GFM? Can you handle her? Will you feel guilty if you don't go?
Con mucho amour.