Domestic Violence Counseling

[changing]

I went to my intake meeting today for Domestic Violence Counseling. I hadn't gone before, as I didn't want my husband to be reported and then make good on his threats of having me arrested by telling lies that I abused him as well. The counselor said that that does happen, but calling the police , etc would have been the right thing to do (I still don't agree with that!!!!! And I hate the Domestic Violence system set up by the courts and legal system- we have to fix this!!!!) I am going tonight for group counseling as well.

I am tired of living with the constant threat of Bagworm showing up, defying his agreements. My lawyer has a new partnership starting and seems mighty distracted- I may have to file the Protection Order myself, and use the address that I found (not verified) as place of service- I want those guns taken away, and I want the cops on notice. I also want to take the war to  Bagworm, and get it off of my turf.

The many wacky things that have happened, cops coming, investigators, calls, lawyers jumping the fence and trying to break in, me moving my stuff out, etc- seems crazy even to me,and I hate to recount it!!!! I am sick of cops, lawyers, counselors, forms, courts, financial dealings and records, and Bagworms!!!!!

[Hopalong]

Oh Changing,
A bagworm infestation is extremely annoying...takes such sustained attention to each disgusting little appearance, pluck, pluck, stomp, squish...

But eventually, you will ERADICATE and your garden will bloom again, fragrant and in peace!

(I re-read The Secret Garden every winter to get me through...have you read it in a while?)

Love and encouragement,
Hops

[Certain Hope]

(((((((((((((((Changing))))))))))))))  Applying the torch of prayer to that bagworm from my little corner of the world...

Love,
Carolyn

P.S.  Pluck, pluck, stomp, squish.... hey, sounds like a new dance step!! 

(((((((((((((Hops))))))))))))

[changing]

Hoppy and Hope-

PLUCK PLUCK STOMP SQUISH-BURN BABY BURN!!!! My new mantra and the new bgworm dance. Ahhh- how relaxing that image is!!!! Thank you for the support- I am getting geared up to go on the offensive, but it can be scary- I need to have all the paperwork and such ready to avoid any tricks on his part.

Thank you again,

Changing

[changing]

Hi Izzy-

I need to get a recording of Pacino screaming "I'd like to  take a FLAMETHROWER to it" from The Scent of a Woman- fits the theme, and it could be sampled in our Pluck Pluck Stomp Squish Burn Baby Burn song and dance. Who knows, we could be starting a craze!!! (Or maybe I'm simply crazed!)

Love,

Changing

[changing]

Hi IzzyNow-

I just noticed the guy's head superimposed on the sign- wildly, gut-busting  funny!!!

Love,

Changing

[changing]

I went to the group session-very few showed up because of the holidays. It is amazing how similar the underlying behaviors of the abusers are, despite exterior diferences.

The location is secret, they have guards stationed about, and even so I parked a far away because I do not want Bagworm to hurt anyone there because of me. I stopped going to my wonderful physical therapy even though I paid some of my precious remaining cash- the people there are so vulnerable. I am trying to do the same therapy exercises at a local gym, but they don't have thea daptive equipment, etc. At least the flu has reduced to stuffiness. and lighter coughing . Hopefully I will be past this relatively soon- both the flu and the Bagworm threat.

The room itself is nicely appointed, very comfy , vanilla scented, each one gets an affirmation, etc. The best thing there is the chance to talk with others who are constantly looking over their shoulders for possible trouble, have been abused financially, through use of police or others, etc - everyone understands my crazy story through experience. It also seems so far that 100% of the people there have one or both N parents. Who knew?

Love,

Changing

[Gaining Strength]

How brave you are changing.  I am so glad you are going to the group.  I pray protection for you from the bagworm while you grow stronger and stronger.

[changing]

Hi Izzy-

That is such a brilliant thought-almost a Twilight Zone sort of thing, like episode with William Shatner and the Gremlin on the plane! I guess the Gremlin was an N- he did try to sabotage the plane!!!
To think that my husband could be violent and threaten to kill me, and lie and say that I am doing the same thing to him, and his lies  be given equal weight with my visible physical damage. And yet it is illegal to tape record or video proof without consent.The system needs to change.
I felt safe there at the DV group room, but am always looking over my shoulder at home, and as I go about my day- my husband shows up and blocks the gate or my car with his- I look up and he is there. Who knows when he has been here and I haven't seen him- the creepy Bagworm!

Oh Izzy thank you for being my friend and sharing your story- it really helps!!! Oh, and elevate that leg Young Lady!!!

Love You,

Changing

[sea storm]

Blessings to you Changing and Izzy:

What courage you are showing. It makes me want to shout for joy. The patriarchal system has women and the vulnerable coming and going.
Safety is Number one.  All the rest can be delt with later.
Thank goodness for safe meetings where people understand.

I was arrested falsely for assault and it is no fun. The police come and in a small town everyone knows about it. Then it is assumed that you are a reall nutter, violent person. Then it dawns that I need a lwayer and that costs $500.00 which I put on VISA.
Oce can lose thier liscense to practice as a professional. The whole thing was so scarey.
Teh police dropped the charges. I don't thnk they want to clutter up teh courst with these domestic incidents. But I  did  not know that then.
The storm wll blow over, Changing.  Know that you have people here on your side. For everyting that has happened to you, there is someone here who survived worse and is thriving. You will get through it.

How excdellent that you have a support group.  They are such wonderful allies.

Mcuh Love,

sea storm

[changing]

Dear Gaining Strength-

Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement- it really helps, as  I am somewhat up against a wall with the money situation and the lawyer, etc- I need strangth , patience and vision to deal with this and your support certainly provides the inspiration for this-I feel badly fort those who have no one to keep them going, and have to fight this wacky and evil sort of foe.

Love,

Changing

[changing]

Sea Storm-

I know that it is hard to recount your ordeal, and I truly appreciate your doing so here for my benefit. Bagworm my soon to be ex-husband, was trying to do the same thing to me. It would have possibly precluded my becoming a lawyer if I were to be arrested on certain bogus charges, and likely set off a tragic chain of events in my life. As it was, he had police come to my house to get guns that his psychiatrist had ordered not be in his possession. They threatened to shoot and arrest me, many times, and it was a long ordeal- of course the neighbors saw it all !!!Cowards, all, especially the Bagworm.
I am watchful but have returned to my almost empty house. Nothing is settled at this point, and my lawyer seems to have diverted his attention to his new partnership- I am taking tenative steps toward further legal action aganst my husband, but I am walking a tightrope, not to fall into endangering myself more on the one side, and not to run afoul of my lawyer on the other (he is not agreeing or disagreeing with some of the things I have proposed, so it is hard to continue)

I hope all is well with you, Sea.

Love,

Changing

[sea storm]

Guards at the doors.  What an image. Cripes.

I think it is time women took over the world. I am sad that President Bhutto got murdered.  She was trying to be good.

I am praying for you, Changing.  What a big step it is to go to such a place. Admitting that the nightmare is real. Not for sissies, sister. Ihave been there too.  Know that others hsave walked in your shoes and survived.  There is something terribly wrong that wives and mothers are treated this way.

Sea storm

[changing]

Sea Storm and Izzy-

I think I see what you are both getting at- that society and humanity as a whole are affected both by the " disordered thinking and actions" as well as the blindness, sometimes willful (none are so blind as those that will not see), of so many others, while those who do see and are affected may be branded by the rest as aberrant...My individual situation and the limited remedies available are just infintesimal portions of the whole dilemna , of course. I will be thinking of appropriate labels for the A, B and C in the world. Izzy, you are definitely a psychologist in your own right.

Bhutto's assasination also creates more peril for everyone- internecine murders are the stuff of major conflagrations and war, given the right tinder beneath and about. So very sad- it reminds me of the Afghani Northern Alliance leader who so bravely sought aid from the West in his fight against the Taliban, his soldiers were hungry ragged and barefoot in the snow- he knew the danger of revealing his location to journalists, but felt compelled for the sake of his men and country- he was killed by foes masquerading a newspeople(I cried when I heard of it) and that week 9/11 was visited upon the world, and it came directly from the same bunch that he was fighting. Bhutto may or may not have been a martyred angel, but this murder bodes ill for the progress of peace, and is extremely tragic, for all of us. Sea, I am saddened as you are.

We must work for "seeing" on the small scale as well as the large scale. There is too much at stake to sit idly by. With Bs and Cs in one accord, the As would be extremely limited in their abilities to harm others.

Love,

Changing

[lighter]

Changing:

All that you've gone through.... it's about par for this kind of course.  It's just so shocking and amazing till you figure out why it has to be that way.

Once you wrap your mind around it..... you get better at figuring out how to combat it.

You certainly can go and take our your own TPO.  You don't need your attorney to do that, as you already know. 

I* didn't know that when all this started for me and my original attorney told me I COULDN'T GET ONE, which was a bald faced lie.  Talk about having my hands tied behind my back and paying for the priviledge.  ::disgusted shaking of the head::

I'll still be making some kind of complaint over that one..... just not sure what yet. He just received the final 20K he was owed over the first 10K.  He never even got me a temp hearing.  He cancelled the first 3, remember, lol?  UNBELIEVABLE!

Anyhoo..... glad to see you've recovered and feel strong again. 

Reading your post reminds me how frustrated the DA's all over the world must be.  It's so hard to believe the stories of this particular kind of character.  No one wants to believe this stuff...... they don't want to see.

As for discovering where Bagworm is living.... I find it hard to beleive he hasn't had to disclose that or you haven't been able to figure that one out.  How frustrating, yet again.

Can't you have a buddy follow him from one of his many sporting events?  Doesn't he go to regular games....

or....

something?

For some reason, I feel better when you're feeling better.... ((((changing))))  Keep that attorney of yours focused.  You know what needs to be done.  Just make sure he doesn't waste any moves.  Make sure the one's he does make are productive and don't cut your throat. 

Just outrageouse bagworm can live in seclusion with guns he shouldn't have, IMO. 

Esp while you're under fire all the time and playing defense. 

I like the sound of offense too  

Taking it to his turf..... knocking him off balance makes it harder for him to go at you, unchecked.  I know that much.