Dating

[Hopalong]

Tay!

Read this book! A Fine Romance by Judith Sills, PhD.

Ask CB for a review!

Really! It will HELP you a TON!!!

xxoo,
Hops

[tayana]

Thanks Hops.  I look for that one.

CB, I did pretty good tonight, really.  Not TOO much anxiety, but I still feel rushed and smothered.  I'm still going to ask her for my space this weekend.  I know that's not very nice, but if she's for real, she'll understand.

[Ami]

I just ordered  "A Fine Romance". It got great Amazon reviews. As I heal inside, intimacy doesn't seem so scary. It feels easier to navigate.  I feel like I can still maintain me, within a context of a relationship.
 All issues, intimacy included, are an 'inside" job---how we love and value ourselves(IMO)          Ami

[axa]

Just plain scared of intimacy

axa

[gratitude28]

Tay,
Always go with your gut... Don't let her rush you into anything. As you said, if she is for real, she will more than understand. She needs to want YOU, not just a relationship.
Love, Beth

[tayana]

Axa, I understand totally.  I'm still a scared of it too.

Beth, well she seems to want me, but at the same time, I'm inherently suspicious.  So I'm still wondering what is wrong with her that she finds me so attractive and wonderful.  I'm not used to being either attractive or wonderful.  It's a very strange feeling for me.

I wasn't anxious with her last night.  Last night I was more concerned about M and M realizing that H is a little more than just a friend. 

That's one of the reasons I don't want to go out with her this weekend.  I don't want M to think that suddenly there's this new person in my life that's taking over his spot.  If I have to choose between them, M always wins.

[axa]

How lucky M is to be loved in such a way.

axa

[tayana]

Thanks Axa.  My T tells me I'm a good mom.  I'm working on believing her.

[Leah]

Thanks Axa.  My T tells me I'm a good mom.  I'm working on believing her.

I believe her, you are a good mom, Tayana.

Leah

[tayana]

Thanks, Leah.  I'm still working on believing her.

I can't explain how incredibly guilty I feel about trying to have a relationship and be a parent too.  I feel like I'm depriving my son of my time and attention. 

H is very lovely, and I do like her.  I think I might have leaped before I was really ready though.

I almost think I could face a horde of N's better than I can try to face my son when he realizes my new friend is more than a friend.

[Hermes]

http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-2546.html

A little article on the subject. 

Perhaps the most important aspect of dating is to be sure of what it is you are looking for..

I remember once a discussion about how women do not want what are (perceived) boring men, and want the exciting man( the "loser"!).  Maybe women are hard-wired too.  Dunno.

Hermes

[Leah]

Thanks, Leah.  I'm still working on believing her.

I can't explain how incredibly guilty I feel about trying to have a relationship and be a parent too.  I feel like I'm depriving my son of my time and attention. 

H is very lovely, and I do like her.  I think I might have leaped before I was really ready though.

I almost think I could face a horde of N's better than I can try to face my son when he realizes my new friend is more than a friend.

Oh, Tayana, truly, that must be so wrenching for you.

My son is grown now and has left the nest, though, that said, I am now wondering as to what my thoughts would be, if and when.

All you can do is be true to yourself, and trust yourself.  Knowing that you know what is best for M, and also, for you.

Very best to you, and your dear son.

Leah
 

[tayana]

Thanks, Leah.  It's new and strange and scary.

Of course, now I've gone and f'ed the whole thing up because I said I felt rushed and scared.

I couldn't handle being the "girlfriend."  That was too scary, so now I've done something awful, I think.

I've felt really low all night tonight.

Of course, it could just be that I'm finally taking my doctor's advice and limiting my caffeine.  I have a terrible headache.

[lighter]

OH bullshit, Tay.

You're stating your feelings is perfectly reasonable.

Of course, the girl has a right to get her feelings hurt and withdrawl a bit but.... that doesn't mean you did anything awful.

My guess is, you take a little break and both think about how you felt about the other.

You either miss or more or don't.

If you do, you send a letter or you phone and she (having liked you more from the beginning) invites you back in happily.

I've had exactly that experience before and I worried for nothing.

The fact that he rushed me was wrong.... not that I asked for space.

[tayana]

Lighter, as always, you've put things into perfect perspective.  Thank you.

I actually feel better this morning.  Probably from getting things off my chest, so I can now happily plan my weekend alone without pressure or guilt.

She didn't call me last night, even though I asked her too, and I fell asleep early.  So we'll just have to see what happens.