Lap Band Update

[Overcomer]

Some of you know I got the lap band the end of Aug.  It has been five months and I have lost 20 out of 80 pounds.  I have been disappointed with the results so far.  I went to see the doc and he have me one last fill (the PA would not because I threw up if I ate hard bread or pizza because it would get stuck)  I can tell this is it.  A Lean Cuisine is enough.  Before that was a snack.  My eating habits are changing and I am learning.  It was not a quick fix but is a tool-I still have to try.

[Ami]

Dear Kelly,
  There are so many issues around food, when we have emotional pain. I never thought that I would ever WANT to gain weight,but I do.
 I am trying to face the deeper roots to food issues b/c once we face WHY we have food issues, we should be able to let them go.
  Maybe, we could do a thread on food issues.
  Even at the Messianic Synagogue, the rabbi was telling me,"Hey,I am fat(meaning himself),but at least I am not drinking or gambling".
  I am thinking about that,now. Food is the most "acceptable" addiction.
  Now, I am having a beer, at night. I am watching to see if it turns in to an addiction.
  I know that shopping can be an addiction.
  I think that we are running from deep fear that we are not OK. I am trying to face deep issues,so I can be free of whatever addiction it is. The addiction is the tip of the iceberg(IME)              Love   Ami
 

[Overcomer]

Yes.  My weight is a reflection of my emotional state-I get mad or sad I eat.  My choices of food are also poor.  Many sweets and carbs.  This surgery is a last ditch attempt at giving me a tool which will not allow me to binge eat.  I am drinking my vitamins and trying to choose foods that are good for me and will nourish my body.  And Am, were you raised Jewish?

[Ami]

Yes Kelly. I ,still ,consider myself Jewish, though. I am a Jewish believer in Jesus. My Jewish identity is the same. I have
 accepted the Messiah and many  call it  a "Completed Jew."
 That is why ALL my pain, which humbled me enough to go "against" my traditional beliefs, was worth it. ( The traditional Jews accept the Old Testament ,but not the New. The Messianic Jews acccept both.)                                                                                                       I hang on to this when I want to ask ,"Why did I have to suffer so much?" The answer is that it is really a "drop in the bucket" compared to finding Jesus.
 Do you know anything about Messianic Jews, Kelly?                  Ami

 

[Certain Hope]

Dear Kelly,

Thanks for the update! I was wondering how you were doing with all that, but didn't want to broach yet another painful subject.  How long can you keep the band? I'm sorry you're disappointed with the results so far... but there's still time to get accustomed to your new appetite requirements, since that last adjustment, right? Sounds like it just took awhile to get everything fine tuned and I bet now you'll zoom along into healthier eating habits!

Anyhow, just wanted to offer encouragement and say that I believe you can accomplish this. You're very brave, I think, and determined... and that's what it takes.

Love,
Carolyn

[Overcomer]

I think I have finally found the sweet spot they talk of.

[Overcomer]

Am-I am familiar with Messianic Jews-I guess I just never until now realized that was your heritage.  Does all your family believe in Jesus?  I have good friends in the Jewish faith and they have invited me to lots of celebrations.  It feels odd to be the only Christian in a room full of Jews.  It is very interesting to me to learn their traditions etc.

[teartracks]

Hi Kelly,

Thanks for the update on the surgery.  Glad the recent tweak made things better. 

Here's to you and your bravery!

tt

[Overcomer]

Well I know it will work because I am learning to not pig out.  If I pig out I get sick.  I guess like when I was young and chewed my nails-this product just was horrible and if you put your fingers in your mouth the awful taste would linger too so it was not long before I stopped putting my finger in my mouth.  Get sick stop eating.  It will keep me from over eating.

[Ami]

Am-I am familiar with Messianic Jews-I guess I just never until now realized that was your heritage.  Does all your family believe in Jesus?  I have good friends in the Jewish faith and they have invited me to lots of celebrations.  It feels odd to be the only Christian in a room full of Jews.  It is very interesting to me to learn their traditions etc.

Dear Kelly,
 No one believes in Jesus except my H and sons .Kelly, it is very precious when a Gentile wants to learn about Jewish traditions and the Jewish faith.
  I am sure that you are very honored there.
        Love   Ami

[Overcomer]

Yes they lived across the street and our daughters played together as little children.  Becky got married to a man in California and she moved away.  We really miss them because they were nice and they exposed us to many things.  I am glad you found Jesus-he fits all the messianic prophecies.

[Bella_French]

Dear Kelly,
You have my sympathy! I am trying to regain some fitness too at the moment, so I invested in a very good excercise bike in December to help. I used to have cheapy, but it really was terrible to use, with no ability to program it. Also, the resistance on it was weak and had to be cranked by hand.

 I've only been using this new one every second day or so since the new year, around 35- 40 minutes at a time, and I usually skip it on weekends.  Its great because noone has to look at me doing my exercises, and i can do it any time I want.  I don't weigh myself, but my muscles have toned up and my tummy is almost gone. Also, my energy levels are way up, to the point where I crave my exercise bike sessions.  So it must be doing something!

This is a big issue for me because I don't care what people think about my looks, and I feel `safer' when men don't stare at me or stalk me everywhere I go. So I have a weird kind of emotional investment in carrying enough weight to be unappealing to men. I've also been physically attacked wit the intention to rape twice by men when I was walking in local parks, so I am afraid of the sort of attention I used to get.

Losing weight is hard, because I always tend to sabotage myself just when its getting back on track. Men start staring and I start to feel afraid and vulnerable again. But i think I've reached the point where I really want my fitness to be much better, and logically I am safe because my tall, strong-looking boyfriend accompanies me everywhere.

I am wishing you luck with this, Kelly. I often think about you:)

X bella





 

[Ami]

Dear Bella,
  When I read your post,it hit me that you have an opportunity to heal those deep fears and pains that make you want to have extra weight. They are there,no matter how much or how little you weigh.
  Many of us have food issues.
 Maybe, they are related to your "power".
 I am seeing that I am afraid of my strength(power). I am comfortable being weak(non threatening), but uncomfortable being strong and confident. I saw that last night, when I was at a party.
 I know that this area of power is where I need to go ,now.
  Your weight issues sound like they could be related to your ability to protect yourself and stand up for yourself. IF you are heavy, you don't need to say ,"No" to men, b/c your "weight" does it for you.
  I can relate to being afraid to own myself,even though weight was not how it manifested, specifically.
  For me, I get stomach aches instead of standing up and being "strong" and real about who I am.
  So, it is not as important HOW it manifests, as it is to own ourselves and our own power(IMO)
  Compost, as needed(LOL)   
                      Love   Ami

[write]

Kelly

there's a lot in this book on Self-sabotage by alyce Cornyn-Selby  'What’s Your Sabotage?: The Last Word in Overcoming Self Sabotage '
on weight, as it is the most common form of self-sabotage. Her website is http://www.justalyce.com/FAQ.html

I am finding my weight and shape settling down into an attractive norm ONLY now I am prepared to protect myself...clearly at some point my psyche wasn't feeling safe and made a symbolic attempt to give me more layers between me and others.

When I was a young woman I was very beautiful and my father was a heav drinker. One evening he made it clear he was attracted to me- he was very drunk and probably doesn't even remember, I was about 16. After that there was no enjoyment of my body for a long time. My husband hated women so I reinforced it through him I guess.

For me I am finding it has to be a whole approach: no self-destructive or unhealthy habits. I don't smoke or drink, I take vitamins and exercise ( gently now- in a  loving way to myself ) daily, and get lots of peace and do happy things.

Gradually my body is recovering.

Remember that line in Walt Whitman: Undrape! you are not guilty to me, nor stale, nor discarded...

Loving ourself as we are right now is the answer- then we want to nurture and protect these precious beautiful bodies.

It sounds silly but I have stood before the mirror and assured my body 'I haven't always taken care of you, i am sorry, I will now, I love you.' And I wept- for the child inside terrified that not only was there no one taking care of me as a child, I didn't do it for a long time for myself as an adult.

I do now.

There's one exercise it's fun to do as often as possible and good results- wall push ups; toning the tops of the arms. Work up to a couple of hundred, it really makes a difference. If I do nothing else all day I do that.

Also meditate ( or pray ) daily.

You'll get there.

Love
~Write

[Hopalong]

Hi Kell..
I too have struggled with a terrible sweet tooth and simple carb habit.

One thing, I wonder if you've ever thought of asking a talented gourmet vegetarian chef to teach you some HIGH FLAVOR vegetarian dishes? Or considered taking a class? Those flavors can be a revelation. It can change your relationship to eating.

The lap band has changed your relationship to food quantity, by force. Beautiful organic and well prepared vegetarian food might change how you eat, by pleasure.

I know you can succeed in this, hon.

love,
Hops