How do you defend yourself when the N has everyone fooled?

[Gabben]

If the N in your life is playing the victim role and fooling everyone because they are able to hide their covert aggression, remember N's are adept at disguise, then how do you defend youself?

I mean if everyone thinks that they, the scociopathic aggressor, is the good one and that the person who is being agressed against, who is angry in defense, is the bad one -- what do you do?

A. Just wait until the wolf trips themselves up?

B. Wait until others see under the wool eventually too?

C. any ideas?

What if this wolf was exceptionally adept at covert aggression that they had everyone fooled with their victim act while quietly and calmly they were targeting you?  And, it was hurting you, however, others are giving the aggressor the sympathy and the aggressor is rubbing in your face, sadistically?

People are so easily fooled.

[Certain Hope]

Lise,

Honestly, I am hoping that maybe it's a trial so that we can learn how to function as though we're wearing a rubber suit... letting that rubbish bounce clean off? 

And I keep trying to convince myself that paying someone no mind is not the same as avoidance (I hope)...  Wow.
Think about that expression... "pay no mind" = allow no wasted useage of brain cells to be devoted to the taunter.

The covert N always outs herself in the end... always. She cannot maintain equilibrium when the object of her extreme envy simply goes on with life as normal, resting confidently in the assurance that God sees the inner heart and will judge.

Oh - a verse comes to mind... Everything which is hidden shall be revealed! How's that?
And all things which can be shaken, shall be shaken.
The thing is, when all our junk is shaken loose, there's only Jesus left inside...
and that is very good news, eh?

Hugs,
Carolyn

P.S.  Is being angry really a defense?

[Gabben]

Oh - a verse comes to mind... Everything which is hidden shall be revealed! How's that?
And all things which can be shaken, shall be shaken.
The thing is, when all our junk is shaken loose, there's only Jesus left inside...
and that is very good news, eh?

P.S.  Is being angry really a defense?

Hi Carolyn,

Good question, no, it is not. What I meant was that the aggressors actions that hurt the REAL victim which makes the REAL victim feel angry, in defense they stand up for themselves which serves to make the victim look like the aggressor, does that make sense?

I love that quote! Oh -- at this time in my life I just need lot's of reassurance of Christ's love and a lot of encouragement to just hold tight, persevere -- in the end it will all work out. You are doing just that for me Carolyn, giving me the support and encouragement I need to just hang in there quietly with prayer.

Hugs (((((((((((((((Carolyn)))))))))))))))

Lise

[Gaining Strength]

Gabben - you have asked a very, very powerful question.  I am here for just a moment and will post later but I was drawn by your topic.  I personally have found it impossible to defend oneself.  It is something of a tar baby.  The more you fight the more stuck you get.  The only way it to just ignore it and move on to the extent you can. 

My experience is somewhat different from Certain Hope's.  In my experience there is NO way to win.  You just have to move on.  It is never fair and never just.

[Gabben]

there is NO way to win.  You just have to move on.  It is never fair and never just.

Hi GS,

It is not so much about about winning as it is about stopping the hurt and wrong they are doing that when no one else is looking, they jab you.

But your are 100% correct in that I have to just persevere, turn the other cheeck and move on.

Thank you GS.

This is teaching me to practice being strong.

hugs ((((((((GS)))))))))

Lise

[Ami]

Dear Lise,
  I agree with GS. We can just keep ourselves safe from the N. Being strong is important for our own self respect and in any battle with them(strong BUT in control). If they see you "losing it", it is percieved as weakness .
  I know that with my FIL, I was strong with him just one time and he never  "bothered " me for 15 years ,after that one time.
  In your case, you have to know who you are and that you are NOT defined by the N  or any of the people that the N turns against you.
         Love   Ami

[Gabben]

Dear Lise,
  I agree with GS. We can just keep ourselves safe from the N. Being strong is important for our own self respect and in any battle with them(strong BUT in control). If they see you "losing it", it is percieved as weakness .
  I know that with my FIL, I was strong with him just one time and he never  "bothered " me for 15 years ,after that one time.
  In your case, you have to know who you are and that you are NOT defined by the N  or any of the people that the N turns against you.
         Love   Ami

((((((((((((Ami))))))))))) -- thank you!!!

I'm hard on myself about my weakness. Your post just strengthened me!  It was a blessing on my soul at this time.

Thank you so much GS, Carolyn, AMI -- I needed all of your love and encouragement...I'm getting stronger by the hour, I can feel it.

Lise

[Certain Hope]

((((((((Lise)))))))) I am so glad you're feeling stronger.

Everyone's posts here have helped me, too. And once again, Lise, I am so grateful that you're willing and able to bring these things out into the open, into the light and air, where they can lose their power to stir up fear and pain and anger.

Love,
Carolyn

[Ami]

Dear Lise,
 I am so happy that my experience helped you. I am seeing that we are responsible for OUR side of the street ,only. If someone hurts me,what they sow, they will reap. It is really "not" in my hands, even though I "feel" that it is,often. Ann helped me with this.
 It is not my role to judge,just to give the person to God,  and to ,of course,protect myself from abuse.
  That person WILL reap what they saw, b/c it is a spiritual law.
  Ann said that the human being was not designed to carry hatred, bitterness, or even to judge others. We will bring bad consequnces back on us, if we do.
  This has freed me. I hope that it iis helpful to you, Lise.            Love    Ami

[Certain Hope]

Aha

This is where I posted my heart out when I told how th N had fooled everyone and I was left out of the whole picture.
No response/acknowledgment.
I was surprised at no response.................. then I guessed it was me?
Izzy

Yes, Izzy... I saw your post here last night, briefly... and then it was gone. I posted to you on another thread and mentioned it... and asked whether you were okay...

[Certain Hope]

Thank you Hope,

I didn't see the other thread!

xx
Izzy

You're welcome, Izzy... sorry I don't remember now which one. I didn't get a chance to read it thoroughly last night before it went *poof*. I can only process so much at once, with my already limited capacity... but wished there's been a chance to reply.
Glad you got rid of that bad tooth, Iz.  Don't forget to rinse with warm saltwater to encourage healing 

oxo
Carolyn

[Hopalong]

Sorry, Izzy...if I left you hanging somewhere.

Hope you know I love you.

Hops

[alone48]

This post hit close to home, as the N has reappeared and contacted my old friends. My first thought was to fight, but I knew I would lose, so I ignored him. He has now been found driving around my neighborhood (he lives about 75 miles away) so I know that he's loosing it. If I had responded immediately, he would have come off as the poor injured party. I know it's not over yet, but the NC seems to bring out a different side.

[Leah]

Oh my goodness, ((( Alone )))

I can identify with your experience as my exNH travels still, some long distance to our last house, and sits in car outside the house, and goes into a venue and nonchalantly enquires as to whether I have visited the area.  I know he is hoping that I will travel there and visit the area.  Well he will just have to sit and hope in vain till his fog freezes.

My exNH believes that I belong to him -- period.

Leah x

[Gaining Strength]

In my experience and by my observations N often try to destroy our standing with others and can be very successful at it. They seem to do it when we are most vulnerable.  I had this happen to me at my very lowest.  It is tragic that they are usually very successful.  In my experience there is no winning i.e. no undoing the damage.  If you try to appeal you case to the people the N has turned against you somehow the N always wins and you can get sucked in deeper and deeper into the mire.  I am not suggesting that it is easy, I am only suggesting that the stock market metaphor applies here - cut your losses and get out.  And don't worry about the timing - just go and leave the people who chose the N over you behind - no matter how painful.  It is like being a refugee from your embattled homeland.  Life will never be the same but you can opt for a new life in a foreign land or you can risk your life by staying in the war.  Not great options.