Dreams and other things

[axa]

I had a very vivid dream last night, or should I say nightmare.  I dreamed I was in Xn's house, his x/present wife was there also.  She had met another man and seemed really happy.  I was sitting in the bedroom trying to reason with him about getting his life together or he would end up alone.  I was shocked to realise that in my dreams I am still taking care of him.  I think I had some sense of going back to him (NEVER) It was as if I was still trying to make things ok with us. - not one of my better dreams I must add.

I was surprised that some part of me is still processing this stuff and while I have stopped being co-dependant in 3dlife it is as if my unconscious has not kept up. 

As an aside something I have been thinking about recently is dating.  I move between thinking it would be fun to sheer horror at the thought of leaving myself vulnerable again.  I wonder if seeing someone else would be the act of breaking that final connection with Xn............ any thoughts from you experienced people out there

axa

[Ami]

Dear Axa,
  I think that you are missing "good" aspects that come with a relationship:warmth, intimacy, sense of belonging, sense of "family",caring for s/one,s/one caring for you,etc.
 I believe,more and more , that we NEED bonding, as humans. By looking at my dogs, I see they crave bonding. It is built in.
 I used to think it was "weak" to "need" s/one ,but I don't think so ,anymore.
  I think  that our "biology" as well as our "emotions' needs connection and  love.
 To me, that was the meaning of your dream. You want to connect with a man,in the "good'ways you connected with XN.
  Compost anything that does not fit.            Love to you,   Ami

[Certain Hope]

Dear Axa,

For me, seeing others and even marrying someone else didn't bring any instant severing of that connection.
If anything, it appeared to accentuate it, for a time, bringing out even more aspects of old soul-ties.
It's a deeper knowledge of yourself which will break those.

There are many good reasons to seek intimacy with another... but fear (or anger) are definitely not two of those good reasons.
If I had it to do over again....

((((((((((Axa)))))))))) 

Love,
Carolyn

[Ami]

Dear Carolyn,
  Could you explain more what you mean, specifically, about a deeper knowledge of yourself? What does it look like, in practical terms, if you care to, Carolyn.               Love   Ami

[gratitude28]

I like Ami's ideas... axa... needing and desiring to take care of someone. You are obviously a nurturing person.
Axa, I still dream that I am drinking, even though I know I never want to again. And I get that old feeling - a sick comfort from it, when I dream. But I know I don't want to back there. I do, no doubt, want the oblivious feeling that it brought to me. I also still dream of my first boyfriend - a six-year patronizing relationship. Again, I would NEVEr want to go back there, but he was part of my young life for a very long time.
I would let the dream stay in your unconcious world and do just what you are doing - realizing that the feelings you had in the dream are the 'false' feelings that you had when you needed to believe in the relationship.
Love, Beth

[lighter]

((Axa))

I don't know if the dreams ever stop.  I think maybe they do..

As for dating.....

I think it gets less scary when we have our boundaries properly in place and are sure about them, IMO.

[gratitude28]

Axa,
Forgot about the dating question...
No, I don't think it will help. I think dating is a good idea only when you have found someone who is worth getting to know. If someone is in your life you care about now, by all means, see if there is more you want to know about him. However, I wouldn't go blindly looking to 'date' as that may cause you disappointment and frustration.
Love, Beth

[axa]

Hi All,

I do think I miss having someone "exclusive" in my life, but only a little.  Life is good I am engaging with all aspects except Significant Other..........which feels fine, well it certainly feels safe.  I think of spending the rest of my life alone and it feels ok, sure I may meet someone but I have a sense of what I have now being "good enough" just thought it might be nice to have the experience of going on a date....... anyway, no desire to make it happen just yet. 

I am very nuturing and am getting better at doing that for myself.  One thing for sure I do not want to be caretaking anyone any more.  I have my life set up in such a way that if I did want to date someone they would have to fit into a pretty busy regime, which is my life.  I think I have engineered this so that if I do date I cannot "give up" on my own life without it staring me straight in the face..........a little cautionary mechanism I have in place.

phoenix I also traded something for my freedom and I thank God that I had the strength to that.  Thank you for your input.......much appreciated...........

a single (but happy) axa