As I heal, I see that one of my main problems was NOT embracing basic "survival"traits. When you have a LV(little voice), you are unbalanced.
I was TOO self effacing, too "giving", too unselfish, too caring about what others thought, too focused on making the outside 'right".This was NOT altruism, but fear and "sickness"
My unselfishness was really "selfishness".
I wanted to pull what I needed from the outside, approval , strokes, love acceptance, . I wanted to pull "self love" from the outside.
I have seen that I need to get it on the inside, in order to be in emotionally healthy.Now,a person IS loving me and I am getting it from the outside, BUT then I realize that I need to put it inside myself, as my own bank account, so to speak.I am ,also, realizing what God's love would feel like ,by feeling a person's unselfish love,for me.
I used to know this. I am relearning old lessons, which I once knew,by figuring it out for myself. When you can "see" with your own eyes and "feel" with your own 'gut", you can "feel' out life. You can know who you are and who others are."To thine own self be true and you will not be false to another", would be what I mean.
Once I got frozen(early teens), I could not "feel" out life ,anymore.
Now, I am getting unfrozen and so I can "feel" out people and situations, again.
Can anyone relate ? Ami
PS I am seeing that I have to give to myself ,in the best ways I can, IF I want to give to others and I DO want to give to others. Even yesterday, when I was hurting so badly, I sent my friend s/thing in the mail, and I felt better b/c it was a surprise and a "gift" to s/one else. I do want to put myself in "order", so I can stop picking at my own scabs, all the time, and be able to give.