Loving Ourselves

[Ami]

As I heal, I see that one of my main problems was NOT embracing basic "survival"traits. When you have a LV(little voice), you are unbalanced.
 I was TOO self effacing, too "giving", too unselfish, too caring about what others thought, too focused on making the outside 'right".This was NOT altruism, but fear and "sickness"
  My unselfishness was really "selfishness".
 I wanted to pull what I needed from the outside, approval , strokes, love acceptance, . I wanted to pull "self love" from the outside.
 I have seen that I need to get it on the inside, in order to be in emotionally healthy.Now,a person IS loving me and I am getting it from the outside, BUT then I realize that I need to put it inside myself, as my own bank account, so to speak.I am ,also, realizing what God's love would feel like ,by feeling a person's unselfish love,for me.
 I used to know this. I am relearning old lessons, which I once knew,by figuring it out for myself. When you can "see" with your own eyes and "feel" with your own 'gut", you can "feel' out life. You can know who you are and who others are."To thine own self be true and you will not be false to another", would be what I mean.
Once I got frozen(early teens), I could not "feel" out life ,anymore.
 Now, I am getting unfrozen and so I can "feel" out people and situations, again.
 Can anyone relate ?                                                                  Ami
 

PS I am seeing that I have to give to myself ,in the best ways I can, IF I want to give to others and I DO want to give to others. Even yesterday, when I was hurting so badly, I sent my friend s/thing in the mail, and I felt better b/c it was a surprise and a "gift" to s/one else. I do want to put myself in "order", so I can stop picking at my own scabs, all the time, and be able to give.

 

[Ami]

What a precious post,Besee. Thank you, YOU gave me so much,today.
 I did not mean that I was just wanting to give "to get". I meant that I wanted my life to be able to be more giving and for THAT,I would have to be more in order, KWIM?
  I would have to have my scabs, more healed, so I didn't always have to revisit them to "see how they are doing".
 Maybe, my thread was unclear.
Do you see what I am saying. I want to move my life ,in a conscious direction, away from my own pain and in to giving, BUT first, I need to heal my own pain more and be able to love myself.
 Do you understand it differently ,now, Besee?
                                                                         Hugs to you,  Ami

(((((((Besee))))))))))

[Ami]

You are cute, Besee!! I thought I had to erase my whole post(LOL)                     Love    Ami

[ann3]

Ami,

I think I understand what you're saying.  I think Phoenix wrote about this on another post where she talked about accepting that her mother will never validate her and so she no longer seeks validation from other people.  Now, she realizes that she must validate (love) herself.

We need to learn this lesson that seeking validation from other people will not make us feel whole.  We must validate ourselves and due to our disfunctional foos, self validation may feel selfish, but it isn't.  Ironocally, seeking validation from other people (and failing to validate ourselves) is "selfish" because when we only seek validation from other people (and we don't validate ourselves) it's as if we are "using" other people as N supply.  Is this what you mean?

[Ami]

Exacatomdo!!!!!!!----You smart thing!!!!                 Love, Ami


(((((((((Ann)))))))))))

[Gabben]

I wanted to pull what I needed from the outside, approval , strokes, love acceptance, . I wanted to pull "self love" from the outside.
 I have seen that I need to get it on the inside, in order to be in emotionally healthy.Now,a person IS loving me and I am getting it from the outside, BUT then I realize that I need to put it inside myself, as my own bank account, so to speak.I am ,also, realizing what God's love would feel like ,by feeling a person's unselfish love,for me.
 Now, I am getting unfrozen and so I can "feel" out people and situations, again.
 Can anyone relate ?                                                                  Ami
 

PS I am seeing that I have to give to myself ,in the best ways I can, IF I want to give to others and I DO want to give to others. Even yesterday, when I was hurting so badly, I sent my friend s/thing in the mail, and I felt better b/c it was a surprise and a "gift" to s/one else. I do want to put myself in "order", so I can stop picking at my own scabs, all the time, and be able to give.

 

Hi Ami -- I always get so much out of your posts even if I do not respond I find myself reflecting.

This morning, as I was meditating to my new Herbie Hancock does Joni Mitchell album, I thought about you and your blocking Joy thread. I gain so many insights from your threads I'm just not always able to articulate my insights nor do I always have the time to.

However, I have been thinking a whole bunch about loving self. For this past year I have been moving through a vortex of emotional pain and darkness. Every once in a while I get a glimpse of the light peeking through the darkness. Lately, the glimpses of light are getting more frequent and there are more different glimpses. The glimpes that come to me are of joy, emotional health, genuine love, simplicity, self-discipline, sanity and serenity.

One glimpse was the realization that I could begin to act loving towards myself. Quitting smoking was part of that step. The other step was beginning to exercise again and beginning to start loving habits, just little ones. It seems that in order for me to get well I had to tear down my house and build a new foundation, now that the new foundation is in place I can start to rebuild my self-image and esteem but in baby steps and as we know babies stumble and fall a lot as they are beginning to learn to walk.

Therefore, I take baby-steps to loving me and when I fall I love myself even more and refuse to listen to the self-defeating talk or the shaming voice of my mom.

[Ami]

(((((((((((((((Lise)))))))))))
Today, I found Rampal and Bolling, Piano and Flute(half classical, half jazz) on U tube.I used to listen to all the time, when I was younger and was transported to a wonderful place. See what you think.                       Love Ami

[Gabben]

Cool Ami-- I'll add that to my  music shopping list! I've begun the habit of waking up and sitting in this really comfy chair in my room. It is my computer chair but I had it back up to a wall for a while and just recently pulled it out to create a mediation area in my bedroom, which happens to be the size of a large studio. There are many windows in my room in which natural morning light, sunrise comes through. I make it the first thing I do in the AM's to get up make tea and then just sit in my chair in the light and listen to music, prayer, meditate and relax with breathing technique.