Narcissism and Co-dependence

[Gabben]

It really did become a parent-child relationship with us too.  I never thought it was until I realized Randy was not capable of anything else and I realized I was very susceptible to it.  But when I finally rejected the role he completely pulled back every last ounce of his friendship to punish me, just the way my F showed his disapproval by becoming  cold and remote.  Like my F he always had to be in control of everything.  If he couldn't do that he became extremely anxious and (inside) quite upset. It's all about the sense of self IMO.  Vs try to please to feel worthwhile(when they succeed), Ns  try to control to feel worthwhile (when they succeed). Vs and Ns are a perfect symbiotic combination.

It amazes me how similar your experience with Randy was to my experience to N saint.

"But when I finally rejected the role he completely pulled back every last ounce of his friendship to punish me, just the way my F showed his disapproval by becoming  cold and remote."

So true.

How long has it been since Randy?

Are you able to heal the old wounds from your father through using the parallel of the dynamic between you and Randy? I mean it seems as that is what you are saying but I am just digging here.

[Ami]

I've been lurking off and on for a while Lise.  The board has changed a lot and (for the moment anyway) it's a lot more peaceful--lol.  I don't expect that to last forever though,anymore than it does in 3D

Bill
 Don't jinx it. If it blows up, I will come looking for you(LOL)                        Ami

[Certain Hope]

These statements are absolutely true, from my experience and observation, too:

I'm starting to see that Ns and Vs(voiceless co-deps) are victims of the same type of N parenting who have simply chosen different coping strategies to win the parents love and achieve a sense of self-worth.  

and

Vs try to please to feel worthwhile(when they succeed), Ns  try to control to feel worthwhile (when they succeed). Vs and Ns are a perfect symbiotic combination.

I'd add that some V's alternate between trying to please and trying to control, eventually getting lost somewhere in between, when there's nobody left who'll receive or respond to either method...
at least, that's how I was.

Carolyn