Can't believe it. Please, pray for me.

[finding peace]

Dear Lupita,

I am sorry you are going through this.

I think that you are in a very difficult position.  Can you lock your room when no one is there?  Seems to me if your room is getting trashed, the administration would allow that?

You are in an impossible situation – you have problem kids, but are not being given the support you need to correct the behavior – there are no consequences for these kids.  Your hands are tied.

Unfortunately, I think the best that can be done in that situation is just to ignore the bad behavior or discipline as much as you are able, and focus on those kids who care about their education.  I get the feeling that no matter how hard you try to reach the troublesome kids, they are unreachable. 

As far as Christian institutions – I am not one for organized religion.  I preface this by saying I am sure not all Christian’s are like this, but my F was a Deacon of the church; he tithed regularly.  His reason for tithing was telling tho – he believed that if you give 10% of your salary every week you would get it back 10-fold.  He didn’t do it to support the church.  He also tithed regardless of the fact that he bought a house and car he couldn’t afford (had to keep up with the Jonses) and he couldn’t afford new clothes for me.  I had to make do with my brother’s hand-me-downs and one winter he couldn’t even afford a winter coat for me (although he found the money to tithe and buy his alcohol and cigarettes). 

I digress through – this upstanding Christian man beat me and molested me behind closed doors – he was what I call a mock Christian.  He was only a Christian on Sunday, and did it solely because he wanted to be perceived as a good man (to borrow a phrase from Lighter (who I am missing here) - makes me vomit in my mouth!). 

A lot of the people who I have met who call themselves Christians aren’t really what I would call good people – yeah, they may know the bible inside out, but they don’t really live by its precepts.  (As you can tell, I am very anti-organized religion – and I am not talking about anyone here (talking about 3-D life) – I just can’t stand double-standards – and I see this often with people who call themselves Christians. OK, I will get off my soap box now.)

I can’t imagine working in an environment like the one you work in.

I am sorry to hear about the car accident – I hope you are feeling better soon.

Take care of you Lupita – I am praying that you are able to find a job in a public school.

Love,
Peace

[Iphi]

I am sorry Lupita - finding peace is so right - it's an impossible situation.  I will pray for you getting the hell out of there.  Hope my language does not offend!  Every day that you face those people down - is a day of victory for you.  This is a real battle and you are fighting it.  They are the enemy and it has all been mischief of their own making.  They are idiots.  I think they envy you and I think you are going to get away from them and laugh!

I also hope your car is not too badly off, and that you are feeling better too! 

I tried some organized religions, but I would rather take mine unorganized, thanks. 
I used to be catholic and was confirmed.  Confirmed kids had youth group instead of CCD.  The youth group leader was a new priest in the parish and he was buying alcohol and drugs for the altar boys - who were all boys from my class at school.  The priest also hated females - it was creepy - just by being female he truly hated a person with energy and malice at first meeting - eww.  A few meeting of the youth group gave me a closer look at him and I soon quit the youth group and the church. He was just so creepy - I had to get away.  Still feel gross that I had to go to confession with that creature.  Never did go back to church except for weddings and funerals.

finding peace - I think what your dad will be getting back 10-fold is the way he treated others, but that's just part of my own wild brand of unorganized religious ideas. 

[Leah]

Hi Lupita,

I really do think that the problem is what they own; envy.  When anyone puts in over 100% of oneself and achieves results then quite simply some folks just don't like it, and react in being just plain horrible.

So, I pray you can seek and find a much better teaching role, as quite honestly, you deserve it, Lupita, for you are hard working.

Love, Leah

[finding peace]

Hi Lupita –

Just wanted to clarify – my post wasn’t for me, it was an attempt at an explanation that I think a lot of people (including my F who is, I hope, an extreme example) go through the talk of being a “Christian or [fill in the blank religion]” but not the walk of being a religious person.  (I got on a bit of a rant there - sorry  )

Hope you are feeling better today?
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Hi Iphi,

There used to be a lot of days where I was so angry with my F that I hoped he was suffering as I suffered from him.  Karma.  But I think he already did.  I believe he was acting out what he had learned as a child.  Funny thing – he used to tell us that he refused to hit us the way he was hit (so apparently what I got was mild compared to what he was raised with, although have to take that with a grain of salt as he was very facile with excuses).  More often than not anymore, I hope he has found some peace of his own – yeah he was pretty twisted and brutal, but I believe he was a tortured soul. 

For him, I hope heaven is a forgiving place where he can find some peace, learn, and grow.  In some ways, (and this is going to sound awful) it is easier for me than many here because he has passed on.  I don’t have to deal with his BS anymore – and that alone makes it a lot easier to process his BS out of my system.

Then again, there are days where I hope he is roasting on a stick over the fires of hell (although these are fewer than they used to be).

Still not ready to go there yet with my mother.

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Hi Leah –

You are right – abuse occurs in all walks of life be it a religious person or not - and is unacceptable, period.  I was focusing on “Christian institutions” because Lupita’s school is religious based.  I do feel that somehow those who talk the walk and are abusive – are on a level all their own.  Hard to put into words, but I feel that being abusive without religion is one thing, but being abusive and calling yourself religious – ew yuck – really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  (Although this is probably triggered by my Father who claimed he was very religious.)

Love you guys,
Peace

Sorry for the hijack Lupita - please let us know how your day went!!

[Lupita]

I have a day from hell, but I feel better right now. I have to dispute my believes that everybody is agiasnt me becuase me reason tells me that it is impossible for everybody be agianst me, but i took my axiety pill and I am not thinking clearnly right now.

I can not asnwer to everybody becuase I am not thinking clearly.

B ut  want to say that I do not agree in the "hijacking" you put what you feel, and that is perfectly valid, no matter where it takes the thread, your opinions are importnatn no matter what, and very valuable no matter what. Nobody has hijacked anything. just expressed their feelings and that is valid valuable and welcome with all my heart,.

I am so depressed, that can think how to answwer to so many people that have answerd giving wonderful wrods of consolation, but tomorrow if I can get up on time before to go to school and 6:00 AM I wll try to answer.

You all are wonderful and I apprecvieate avery single and every one of the anweres I have gotten.

Love you all with all my heart and feel very thank ful to be able to read your kind words.

Love you and God bless you so much.

Love you love you love you love you!!!!!!!!!

Thank you.

PS. i LOVE LONG ANSWERS. Love them!!!!!!!!!!!

[Iphi]

((((Lupita!)))))

Sorry so short an answer   

[Lupita]

FP, you did not hijacked anything, you expressed your feelings and I am very thankful that my pain inspired you to share, do not hesitate to share in my threads, no matter where it takes. Thank you for sharing, I welcome your words and your story, which in reality has so much to do with what is happening to me. We are partly talking hypocrisy in regular human beings that it is outrageous coming from people who have a Christina sign on the forehead, supposed to be “saints” trying to imitate Christ. But they stab you in the back as any infidel. I know I have to be alert with people “of the world” but I would never expect the same from a Christian. Hypochristian.
And the fact that in my school they are installing in the hearts of this young people that hypocrisy and dichotomy is OK, is appalling me. So, your story came just in the right place. You are not talking about boyfriends and make up. Or pedicure, or cooking. It is really related. And Thank you for sharing.
As you can see, I have been up since 2:30 AM, cant sleep, thinking that I have to look for a job for next year. But I have to have faith that God will provide.

James, could you expand a little more in how leave the child at home? I do not understand. Thank you for your ideas, I just need more help. I understand that there is an inner child. But how can you leave him at home? I mean, how to separate? That means detachment. I have a good thread in detachment and I read it and still do not get detach. Improving though. Thank you James for taking to time to answer.

Debkor, thank you for your prayers, I really need them. Please, pray so I can find a job in a place where I could be welcome, or that I learn how to deal with the unwelcome, or both.

Lea, I have nothing to say to you except that I totally agree, with everything you posted here. Totally agree!!!!!!!!  Where ever there are humans, sin will be there also. We are humans, except that some humans repent and try not to repeat and some do not even notice they are hurting others or they know and they do not care. Thank you so much for posting several times, thank you so much for being so supportive. You are always very supportive. You never give me judgmental statements. I had in the past somebody telling me that I must have been doing something to elicit this response. And I most be doing something, which is perhaps, showing too much weakness and the pray on the weak and the needy. Please, keep praying for me so I can get a new job with better salary and to be welcome or to know how to deal with the situations.

Iphi, sometimes just a short pet on the shoulder is enough to make the other person better. Thank you for your support. I really need it.

Thank you all, dear friends, I really need your prayers and your support.

God bless you.

[Hopalong]

Lupita, it hurts to think of how much you're suffering there.
And makes me angry.

I hope you'll consider Leah's suggestion about another kind of school...a language school....?

I'm glad the auto accident was minor. Still, you can only absorb so much stress.

I hope this weekend is peaceful and restorative in some small way.

love to you,
Hops

[Lupita]

Thank you Hops, I really need kind words or positive inforcement. And I am having spring brake now. So, one week with out sixth period. Thank God.

Love to you all.

God bless you.