WHY did I listen to an N all my life??

[Ami]

 Today I "went back"(emotionally) to the moment I gave my power away to my M, as a teen. Before that,I retained my sanity b/c I could see that  my M as  an "idiot" and *I* as  OK.
 As long as I could retain that reality, I stayed intact as a "core". Once ,I lost it, I lost my bearings and fell prey to all the lies she foisted on me.
 I was talking to her,today, and I had that same sense,"My M is an idiot.I have to  use my own thinking  to navigate life"
 If not, I am going to be as bad as I always was.
 My M  is a "brick". She acts like a "brick". She is  intelligent,but has   emotional denseness.  I have to explain that you don't tell me who just lost a son that "everybody is grieving". It is just "stupid"
It has to be EXPLAINED to her. I told my Aunt and my Aunt was appalled b/c my Aunt is sane. That is it.
I noticed when my kids were young(first,second grade) that they had  empathy for others. I realized that my M was NOT as develped as little kids,but I had no idea what it  meant. Now, I do. N's have the emotional capacity of a little kid.
So, *I* modeled myself after an "idiot" and I wonder WHY my life went off course(lol).
 There is always humorous "material" when you are dealing with N's. That is one of the few good things you can say--bleh.          Ami

[Ami]

Exactly, Amber, *I* was always insightful. SHE was the one who was clueless. I gave up my sense of perception to follow after a brick(lol)             Ami

[Ami]

WOW, Lollie. That says it all. Thanks so ,so much. I don't feel like such a fool when I think about that.             Love , Ami

[Lupita]

Because they breastfed you not only the milk for your stomack but the thoughts for your brain, since the dau you were borned to forever, until you opne your eyes and do not listen anymore. Until you wake up from the sleep walk and zomby state from where many do nto wake up ever.

Remember that the little we can improve our insith will be positively influence everybody else around us.

[Ami]

When I jettisoned my reality and accepted my M's version ,in my teens, I went in to a a form of shock. Now, when I see that *I* was always OK and SHE was the PD, I am in shock ,again. Do TWO shocks  cancel each other out and make me "normal"(lol)?        Ami

[Ami]

LOL

[Gabben]

“The thirsty soul turns to muddy water to quench its thirst."


brilliant!

[ann3]

Ami,

I have asked myself this question so many times.  I'm in the same boat.  I think we know the answer:  because we were blind, blinded by our NM's denial of reality.  We had crappy role models:  They put the N tapes in our head and we never broke free..........until NOW!!

Now, we see reality and realty bites.  But.......at least we now see, so now, we have the opprtunity to live better.

I read a book yesterday which made me feel soo good:  it's called "Who Moved My Cheese".  I had heard about it and I finally read it, took like an hour, it's a small book, but, now, I feel much better.  There's 2 characters which to me represent an N and the N's victim:  Hem & Haw.  To me, the N victim finanlly breaks away from the N.  I also like the book because it talks about life as a maze.  Please get the book.

I think Phoenix is right:
Maybe the question isn't why DID you... but why should you - now? There is work to do in the "now"... can't do a whole lot about back then.

This is the theme of the book and the best shot that N victims have:  To make the present and future better.  We can't do anything about the past.

Ami,  I've been reading some of your posts and think you're progressingly nicely.  So happy to hear your involved in a support group for parents who have suffered like you.

I know you hurt and are in grief.  Maybe it's time to let go of allowing your M to hurt you?  Your cheese has been moved.  Actually, our cheese is always moving and we need to change our feelings, which will in turn change our behavior.

Getting back to the question of "why did I listen to the N?":  I think the only value to that question is to learn the lesson that we must listen to ourselves, but it's destructive to beat ourselves up.  I'm getting to the point where I'm letting go of this question.  I know the answer (see above), but knowing the answer won't in itself help me live better today.  I've got to move on and make my way thru the maze of life, looking for new cheese.

Hope this helps you, sweet Ami.

Lovingly,
ann

[Ami]

Oh Ann,
 What a nice post. Want to hear s/thing funny. I read that book a long time ago and had NO idea what it was talking about(lol)
                                              Hugs to You, Ann         Ami

[ann3]

Ami,

PLease read it again.  You may find new meaning in it.

I thought that Hem was an N:  never wanted to change to see that he/she may be wrong.  I see Haw as the N victim who finally breaks free of Hem.

Lovingly.
ann

[ann3]

Does anyone gave any other answers to this question?

I try not to focus on this question, but it does haunt me.

I'd love to hear more ideas.

Thank you Ami for posting this question.

Ann

[Ami]

I was just thinking of s/thing else, Ann. The Bible says "Train up a child in the way he shall go and he will not depart from  it(paraphrase). The point is that we have "sponge brains" as little kids. I guess we are made like that.
So ,that must be WHY  we believed all the lies about ourselves. Just a thought that hit me. Thanks for all your insight, Ann.
                                              Love, Ami

[ann3]

Hi Izzy,

Well you sure don't mince words, you shy little thang!  I hear your frustration and humor: "Normal Person Domesticated".  We got to laugh at ourselves sometimes.

What you're saying reminds me of the Who Moved My Cheese book:  The past is over, we can't change it, we can only learn lessons from the past.  Now, we must live in the present with an eye towards the future.

Sometimes, I find it hard to live the "examined" life ( as opposed to the unexamined life) without getting stuck in the past.  Looking at my past mistakes, but not allowing past mistakes to act as quick sand and pull me under.  I find it hard to look at past mistakes and avoid the quick sand, know what I mean?  It's hard to live in the present.

Izzy, do you now ever ask yourself this question or have you let it go?  I really want to let this go, accept it and move on.

Thanks,
Ann

[Ami]

 Izzy,
 I am going to take what you wrote, as being with good motives.                                Ami

[ann3]

yet she chose to listen to the lies of an N.....'' that tells me she was not as normal as she thought" because she DID listen to an N. We all did with our dysfunction, so she was dysfunctional before age 14.

Izzy,

This really describes me, this is my truth.  It hurts to think I have  been emotionally screwed up for most of my life and I didn't know WHAT was wrong, couldn't define the problem.  I think my lack of knowledge as to the nature of the problem (which was my parent's dysfunctional Nism), my lack of self knowledge and my awakening: wow, it's all a bit too much to intellectually and emotionally process and accept.  For me, I feel stuck at the processing and accepting of the truth.

ann