ears for Izz

[Hopalong]

Hi Izzy,
I'm sad to see you quiet after your blowup with Ami...we need you here, quirky one.

I had a thought--you have had so much pain pent up for 15 years. A lake full, and all of it around the loss of your child (and grandchildren). Yes, she lives and they live, but all this time you have been walled out of their lives, and nearly completely cut off emotionally. And it has devastated you. Your first tears in 15 years were just the other day, when the movie of dogs abandoned in the snow broke you open.

So I'm wondering if you're not unusually vulnerable to emotional triggers right now. For me, if I'd shed tears the size of wineglasses after so many years of swallowed pain--I'd be exploding all over the place, boundaries between past and present and me and mine and one child and another and mothers and children everywhere would be twanging past my ears like bowstrings. I'd feel I was in a forest with invisible arrows whizzing past my ears.

I just want to ask you how you're doing. Don't go away.

love to you,
Hops

I can't imagine anything so disorienting. A cleansing kind of thing but a very primal raw one, too.

[debkor]

I don't want you to go away either Iz.

Love
Deb

[debkor]

Iz,

I can't find any of your post.  Please don't leave. 

Love
Deb

[Izzy_*now*]

Hello Hopalong,

I do so appreciate the care and concern you have for me. I am here deleting my posts, with no time to save the ones with wisdom; they and the silly ones just delete in order, but it is a long job.

I have no excuse for being harsh on Ami. I saw her post about her husband knowing in advance about the son and suicide and my mind immediately went to  a “Scott is alive”-frame of mind, as he could have been.  It connected to the long estrangement from my daughter, who might as well have been dead, to our finding ourselves again after 27 years.. She has never mentioned a word about my website building and today asked my opinion on the best Software, as she is going to take a Course in Website Building. Something like that is small but it is large to me, because that means I am more important than Google.

As well, I would have preferred that Ami respond to my post before her fans jumped in and trashed me. She said only that I asked too many questions she couldn’t answer. The others were standing up for her, so why speak up, and she didn’t stand up for herself until I asked if she couldn’t.

Yes. Dr. Grossman said I had been harsh. Then he complimented Ami for asserting herself. He waited before he stepped in.

I will be forever silent very soon and will have no one who understands, for feedback, but it’s the price I feel I must pay for jumping the gun

Thank you very much and I publicly thank all of those who have PMd me.

Izzy

and remember, Hops, Happy Birthday to us both on April 28th

[ann3]

Izzy,

I don't know where to post this:  here or the quizzy.

I hope you stay.  I think this board is a wonderful opportunity to learn and share.

I am not a "fan" of Ami.  I have compassion for her, as I do for you, as I do for, I think, I hope, almost anyone.

I was stunned at how mean you sounded and I felt you were kicking someone who was already down.  I chose to not remain silent and just watch this happen.  I don't want you to go silent either.  I think there were ways to say what you wanted to say without being so hurtful.  Maybe this is an opportunity for growth and exploration.

ann

[Izzy_*now*]

ann
If you read quizzy, that will be the place to continue to chastise me.
Iz

[Overcomer]

Iz-I do not want you to go either.  You have always been a wonderful part of this board.  You have not done anything that necessitate leaving.  You were not asked to leave which means you are ok.  We all have our moments-do not cross me when I am PMSing!  Please stay!

[teartracks]

Dear Iz,

I have no excuse for being harsh on Ami. I saw her post about her husband knowing in advance about the son and suicide and my mind immediately went to  a “Scott is alive”-frame of mind, as he could have been.  It connected to the long estrangement from my daughter, who might as well have been dead, to our finding ourselves again after 27 years.. She has never mentioned a word about my website building and today asked my opinion on the best Software, as she is going to take a Course in Website Building. Something like that is small but it is large to me, because that means I am more important than Google.

As well, I would have preferred that Ami respond to my post before her fans jumped in and trashed me. She said only that I asked too many questions she couldn’t answer. The others were standing up for her, so why speak up, and she didn’t stand up for herself until I asked if she couldn’t.

Yes. Dr. Grossman said I had been harsh. Then he complimented Ami for asserting herself. He waited before he stepped in.

I will be forever silent very soon and will have no one who understands, for feedback, but it’s the price I feel I must pay for jumping the gun

Thank you very much and I publicly thank all of those who have PMd me.

Izzy

and remember, Hops, Happy Birthday to us both on April 28th  

You have been a part of my learning an important lesson about VESMB.  It's the part where you write that you think the rest of us should have waited for Ami to respond before jumping you.  And that is what I have learned.  I haven't established a time frame, but in the future I will wait for that to happen or at least give the respondent adequate time to counter.  Thank you for this lesson Iz.  Dr. Grossman's messages also point in that direction.  Even when the board is torn apart, he posts saying that he is giving a certain amount of time for all who wish to respond.  

I now know that timing is important and in the future I will do my best to be prudent in my timing when incidences like the one between you and Ami arise.

Iz, you have my greatest respect.  My disagreeing with you (even if expressed in an untimely manner) has not diminished my fondness for you, your wit, and your willingness to share your inner self so selflessly.  

Much love,

tt

[Hopalong]

Please STOPPIT, Izzy...quit that deleting!

YOU ARE NOT BANISHED.

That was your exSIL, the horrid N, who did that. Remember?
If you banish yourself that means he wins. You have a right to be here.
You didn't mean to be hurtful, it was out of unawareness, and you've owned it.

You've been accountable, right here, in this thread.
THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH. You're only a human being, dear.

Nobody here is wanting you gone, not even Ami. (See her last post on Quizzy.)

Please don't banish yourself from here.
You're real and valuable and you matter, Izz.

IMO, if you disappear, the N will have won.

It may take a while, but you have to forgive yourself, just as you forgave your D.

love and hugs from
Hops who has done and said EQUALLY egregious things in her time....

[Certain Hope]

Please STOPPIT, Izzy...quit that deleting!

YOU ARE NOT BANISHED.

That was your exSIL, the horrid N, who did that. Remember?
If you banish yourself that means he wins. You have a right to be here.
You didn't mean to be hurtful, it was out of unawareness, and you've owned it.

You've been accountable, right here, in this thread.
THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH. You're only a human being, dear.

Nobody here is wanting you gone, not even Ami. (See her last post on Quizzy.)

Please don't banish yourself from here.
You're real and valuable and you matter, Izz.

IMO, if you disappear, the N will have won.

It may take a while, but you have to forgive yourself, just as you forgave your D.

love and hugs from
Hops who has done and said EQUALLY egregious things in her time....

Izzy, Hops is right.

I am a runner from way back, but Hops' encouragement and regular reminders that it's perfectly okay to not be perfect... well, they've broken the trend for me and I hope it will be the same for you.
Strong feelings in the present ARE connected to past rubbish. That's just how it works. Leaving won't change a thing.
You're a big girl and you'll do as you choose, but I do hope you'll stay.

Carolyn

[gjazz]

Izzy:  I am not a fan of Ami's, I don't know her and in any case, I'm not the fan type.  On the "Rage" thread, I did not attack you, I asked you a single question, which you chose not to answer.  That was your right, as it was Ami's right not to answer your questions to her.  We can ask for support, we can ask for feedback, and we can ask for understanding, and are blessed when we receive it.  People here are showing their support for you because they know you have been hurt, as they have, and you have been helpful to them.  I respect your decision to leave or, should you change your mind, to stay, as I would respect any adult human being's right to decide what is best for them and their health.  But if it is as people here suspect, and you are especially emotionally vulnerable now, why not wait a day or two to decide?

[Izzy_*now*]

Thanks you Hops and Deb
OC and tt
gjazz and ann

Hops you have just that special way of getting right down to the nitty-gritty. Banished! How many times have I heard or used that word re the N my daughter married.

.....and the days of banishment were so unreal

.....and the new emails are a bit unreal as yet, but I know it is her.

As I stated elsewhere, if the board will please go back to the normal abnormalities, I can see more than these top topics and if I feel I can offer anything I will....more experience than knowledge, sometimes some wisdom and sometimes I am away off track.

Izzy