Ami,
You gave me such a lovely note of welcome yesterday, perhaps I can return your kindness and suggest what I know.
If you're a little voice (as I am), the way to gain a voice is, quite literally, to speak up.
And, to say "Ouch" when someone hurts you.
Those are the root of the process. And it is that simple ... and yet it is also enormously complex, because I, at least, had to feel entitled to my feelings AND entitled to speak, and believe that I had something worth saying, before I could ever speak up. Here's another piece of the process: the more you speak up, the more entitled to your feelings you become, and the better you become at speaking up ... and the more entitled you feel ... and the better you become at speaking, etc.
For me, not only individual therapy was the answer but so was group therapy. Group is the best thing I have ever done for myself.
And I'll share this with you -- I was so quiet, and so shy, and so convinced I was worthless and had nothing to add, and it was physically and emotionally SOOOOO hard for me to speak, that when I first got to group (UGH!!! 20 years ago) my therapist told me to just open my mouth, or maybe even open my mouth and make any kind of sound, and he would know that I wanted to speak.
What a guy.
Although I did do that, and I did say things, in a sense, it also took four years before I really started talking in group ... talking about anything significant. It was particularly a great challenge during those years because the people who were already in group were a highly vocal bunch, and all very intelligent and honest. To this day, they are among the people I most admire and respect.
So my suggestion is -- start by opening your mouth. It doesn't even matter what kind of sound you make. Just make one.
Godspeed on your journey.
LilyCat
