I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DO WHAT THEY DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know this cry from the soul Lupita. Oh I know it well. I have twisted myself in knots trying to understand why some people do the things they do.
As to the why … I believe they are broken. I am coming to believe, that in some ways we are all broken (there are just degrees to the brokeness).
I’ve also asked myself why is it so important that I understand? I think, for me, it is because I have innate compassion for people (something that not everyone has it seems). In understanding why, I might be able to help them, or perhaps it becomes easier to accept the behavior and maybe it won't hurt so much when I “turn the other cheek” and get slapped again.
The problem is, my cheek is on fire.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I can accept that people (including and especially me) have quirks and make mistakes and that is ok .... so long as they don’t repeatedly, without remorse, injure me or mine (my family and those I consider friends) in the process (my line in the sand).
As a very, very wise person here has said (thank you Lighter) ….
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Took me quite awhile to internalize what Lighter was saying – but FINALLY, I understand. ::rolling eyes at myself::
If an injury occurs – due to my ineptitude, theirs, or both of ours, I am always willing to try and work it out. With reasonable people, this can be done. With unreasonable people (and they will tell you who they are over time), this can’t be done – and the only thing in that case that can be done, IME, is to walk away….
So when an unreasonable person unequivocally tells you who they are….
….trust yourself
….don’t waste any more time trying to figure them out
….don’t waste time trying to negotiate with them
….don’t try to help them
….don’t try to warn others about them in a vain attempt to protect the innocent
….and above all, don’t internalize their brokenness
As we all know - to try and do any of the above is utterly futile, and will most likely backfire and get you injured. They are where they want to be, and there is no trying to negotiate with them – they are sitting comfortably on their little perches made of rotten wood. The only thing you can do, is make sure that the rottenness of their perches doesn’t spread and infect you …
If you must stay in an environment with them, treat them courteously and with compassion for their brokeness, but also make sure you have your armor on that allows none of their brokeness to enter you.
I do feel compassion for people like these, but I won’t allow them to hurt me or mine anymore.
Sad. But it is what it is, and we deserve a life without abusive behavior directed at us (on edit: I define abusive here as repeated, deliberate harm). Been there, done that (as in try to understand), and have certainly had enough of it. We can't control others, we can only control ourselves.
As always, love you Lupe,
Peace
