This was intended to go on the Envy thread ??? but I found Being Envied on page 13, link at bottom.Childhood is what I spent the rest of my life trying to get over. I felt it was wrong to speak up for myself when I was a minor, because it was being disrespectful to my parents but then I grew up voiceless. (‘Honour thy father and thy mother‘ always stuck with me.) When I finally found my voice I felt so much less the helpless child, but I was 68 years old, and had endured physical and emotional abuse right up to 2002.
To the end of their lives I never had a knock down drag out with either parent, but I was still voiceless and didn’t know it. When I think of other people I’ve left behind, other than moving away, I don’t recall a single one whereby we parted with unforgivable words.. One revelation about life is that people will do and say what they will and I could not control one thing about that person, and for the most part felt the other to be right and I was wrong. That was a given for me.
So I was voiceless and wrong.
Very likely I would have plenty to say to all the people now, but it’s in the past and escapes me so, in this way, it is sad that all this life has left so few good memories.
Now no one treats me with disrespect and life has become more peaceful and enjoyable. If I feel someone doesn’t like me, then I chalk it up to envy. Until this board and its discussions, I thought jealous was the ‘bad’ one and envy meant that you wished you had it/could do the same but were still happy for ‘your friend with all the luck’. I see that is not so.
I can now trace envy back to my N-sister, to a number of girls at work (about 5/250), to any girl who had first set her sights on the guy who chose me, even to some disabled people who were not as wiry as I, and recently, the woman who does the Newsletter and sabotages my work. Finally we have a new Board member who understands the situation , spotted it this Spring, and will deal with it. (One ought not prepare a N/L, then send to me for taking the pertinent issues to upload to the Website, then change dates and #s in the N/L and mail it out correctly, making my Website work incorrect.)
So when you find that you have been treated terribly, would you go on and on about it for days? If you can deal with the interaction and feel like a new person because of it, the perpetrator has actually done you a favour. If you find you are still interjecting a few barbs here and there about the perpetrator then you didn’t get over it at all.
Only because I do not set the dates or Course #s could the perpetrator succeed in making my work incorrect. Now the third party, the Secretary, had only to ask, I answered and all will be put in proper order.
If N/L woman finds her nose out of joint, that will be her problem. I now have a voice and am on the side of right.
Being Envied Thread #1 http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=7273.msg118456#newEdit] Another point of this is to wish happiness for all my friends on board by the time they reach my age, then your lives will not be for naught! Keep on keeping on! Iz]
