Author Topic: Being Envied #2---  (Read 1918 times)

Izzy_*now*

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Being Envied #2---
« on: April 12, 2008, 09:58:11 PM »
This was intended to go on the Envy thread  ??? but I found Being Envied on page 13, link at bottom.

Childhood is what I spent the rest of my life trying to get over. I felt it was wrong to speak up for myself when I was a minor, because it was being disrespectful to my parents  but then I grew up voiceless. (‘Honour thy father and thy mother‘ always stuck with me.) When I finally found my voice I felt so much less the helpless child, but I was 68 years old, and had endured physical and emotional abuse right up to 2002.

To the end of their lives I never had a knock down drag out with either parent, but I was still voiceless and didn’t know it. When I think of other people I’ve left behind, other than moving away, I don’t recall a single one whereby we parted with unforgivable words.. One  revelation about life is that people will do and say what they will and I could not control one thing about that person, and for the most part felt the other to be right and I was wrong. That was a given for me. So I was voiceless and wrong.

Very likely I would have plenty to say to all the people now, but it’s in the past and escapes me so, in this way, it is sad that all this life has left so few good memories.

Now no one treats me with disrespect and life has become more peaceful and enjoyable. If I feel someone doesn’t like me, then I chalk it up to envy. Until this board and its discussions, I thought jealous was the ‘bad’ one and envy meant that you wished you had it/could do the same but were still happy for ‘your friend with all the luck’. I see that is not so.

I can now trace envy back to my N-sister, to a number of girls at work (about 5/250), to any girl who had first set her sights on the guy who chose me, even to some disabled people who were not as wiry as I, and recently, the woman  who does the Newsletter and sabotages my work. Finally we have a new Board member who understands the situation , spotted it this Spring, and will deal with it. (One ought not prepare a N/L, then send to me for taking the pertinent issues to upload to the Website, then change dates and #s  in the N/L and mail it out correctly, making my Website work incorrect.)

So when you find that you have been treated terribly, would you go on and on about it for days? If you can deal with the interaction and feel like a new person because of it, the perpetrator has actually done you a favour. If you find you are still interjecting a few barbs here and there about the perpetrator then you didn’t get over it at all.

Only because I do not set the dates or Course #s could the perpetrator succeed in making my work incorrect. Now the third party, the Secretary, had only to ask, I answered and all will be put in proper order.

If N/L woman finds her nose out of joint, that will be her problem. I now have a voice and am on the side of right.

Being Envied Thread #1

http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=7273.msg118456#new


Edit] Another point of this is to wish happiness for all my friends on board by the time they reach my age, then your lives will not be for naught! Keep on keeping on! Iz]
« Last Edit: April 12, 2008, 10:30:28 PM by Izzy_*now* »
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Juno

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Re: Being Envied #2---
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2008, 11:06:31 PM »
Thanks for bringing this up, Izzy.  I'm working on envy right now and am glad to have the link to the Envy #1 thread and to have your thoughts on this Envy #2 thread.  It's a lot to think about.  Painful to think about now that I'm actually having to deal with it in my own life.  Maybe eventually another "hole" will be filled, though, if I continue letting myself think about these things.

lighter

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Re: Being Envied #2---
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2008, 08:08:06 AM »
Hear Hear....

to being on the rights side.....
\
and having a voice....

to no longer allowing othes to define who you are.

Yes.

Hopalong

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Re: Being Envied #2---
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2008, 04:04:44 PM »
Hi Izzz,
I'm glad you brought this topic back up too.

Last Sunday night envy was the discussion topic for my all-female Covenant Group (one of 2 I'm in; the other is on Voluntary Simplicity). I can't recommend this experience more highly, for anyone who's lonely and would like convos as deep as those we get into here, but in 3-D world....

We talked about the difference between envy and jealousy. The thing I recall best was someone a distinction:

jealousy = a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that you feel you rightfully deserve (you should have it and they should not)

envy = a feeling of discontent around wanting a trait or possession that belongs to someone else that you want also

The consensus was that jealousy (wanting to take it away from someone else) is overall more destructive than envy. Envy can be static and toxic if you don't do something about it, or it could be motivation to change yourself or change your own life.

Thawts?

love
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Izzy_*now*

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Re: Being Envied #2---
« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2008, 04:47:12 PM »
Wow Hops

I always did think jealousy was worse than envy. My post is saying otherwise from someone else's distinction. There are times we have to change our beliefs, from being taught wrongly, or just decided on our own, wrongly.

Now we must find out which is which and where in the liine up of the 20 (I'm sure there are more than 7) deadly sins..--Envy being one!

The word 'jealous' by itself to me sounds worse-- and I'm saying I had these thoughst from early teen years--and envy was not nearly as bad a thought.

In my life right now, is just the one woman who I mentioned regarding the Newsletter. She has no reason to hate/dislike me except I came on board, not on the Board of, with my accounting job because it is something no one on the Board wanted to do, so the Board decided to pay someone--me, becasue I was already doing the Website.  She is a volunteer, of course

I mentioned some time ago, when I began going to the Office to meet with the Treasurer, every Wed. that she came in and physically took my back handles and rolled me right out of the offiice and outside, saying it was her turn with the Treasurser. John said nothing, and this is the point of adulthood, to stand for ourselves. I went home and prepared an email to her with copies to John and the President, that....
....that was assault on my person and I could have her charged...I led up to and said it 'nicely'

That's when John spoke up, the next week,  and said he was very disturbed by her actions.

Next time she came to the Office and I was there, she saw I was blocking a drawer and said, "I'll just move you over a bit." I said "No you won't. You can ask me to please move and I will, just as you would to anyone standing in front of ther drawer. You wouldn't push them out of the way!" I moved 2".

I think she realized a bit what I meant, but you know, she is now sabotaging my Website work, which is about to stop, so her bullying me has really not gotten her anywhere and why the bullying me to begin with?  An N. Jeakous that I am paid? Jealous  of my work capabilities? Yet when a bunch of us are together and she introduces me, she mentions, "This is Izzy. She is the smart one and can answer just about any question you have. She holds us together behind the scenes!."

According to the distinction that you posted, she is envious, not jealous. (I am not a bubble-headed as she.)

I hear, "Edie is............just Edie!" They don't know how to describe her??

I am not envious or jealous of any one particular person.  Of the world in general? Another story indeed and I doubt is fits into jealousy OR envy

sorry I rambled-- needed to tell about that one woman to see what your thoughts might be.

Love
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Hopalong

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Re: Being Envied #2---
« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2008, 09:42:08 PM »
Well, when she literally shoved you out the door because "it's MY turn with the Treasurer" that sounded like she was showing jealousy.
(I want this turn AND that means Izzy should not have it.)

But in general, she may ENVY the respect and status you have as a paid employee.

My take is they're not mutually exclusive, and likely coexist in us a lot of times.

(Grrrr. How dare she shove you around like an inconvenient obstacle! GRRRRRRR!)

xo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Being Envied #2---
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2008, 11:04:02 AM »

(Grrrr. How dare she shove you around like an inconvenient obstacle! GRRRRRRR!)

xo
Hops



Lock your wheels, Izz.

Light

Izzy_*now*

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Re: Being Envied #2---
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2008, 02:03:52 PM »
hi Juno

Glad you were happy to see it.

Do you have any examples?
I am happy I now only have one and it might be about to end.

xx
Izzy

hi Hops

Thanks for your input!

She is a real piece of work and I look forward to her co-worker coming tomorrow, and seeing what happenes at my end regarding the work. She could see things were not running smoothly by emails and Ccs to her.

I, too, can see them coexisting.

And you too lighter

All wheels locked

Love
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

teartracks

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Re: Being Envied #2---
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2008, 11:56:22 PM »


Hops,

jealousy = a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that you feel you rightfully deserve (you should have it and they should not)

envy = a feeling of discontent around wanting a trait or possession that belongs to someone else that you want also

The consensus was that jealousy (wanting to take it away from someone else) is overall more destructive than envy. Envy can be static and toxic if you don't do something about it, or it could be motivation to change yourself or change your own life.


Does this strike a chord?

A devastating difference
Provided by Psychology Today http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=34894

Envy vs. Jealousy

Long lumped together by ordinary folks and scholars alike, envy and jealousy are not a single, formless "super emotion." On the contrary, they are distinct, with different components, and are in fact elicited by completely different situations and in completely different settings.

According to Georgetown University psychologist W. Gerrod Parrott, Ph.D., envy occurs when a person lacks another person's superior quality, achievement, or possession, and desires it--or wishes that the other person lacked it.

Jealousy, by contrast, occurs in the context of a close relationship when a person fears losing an important other to a rival--in particular, losing a relationship that is important to one's sense of self.

For all their distinctiveness, envy and jealousy sometimes occur together, Parrott reports in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Vol. 64, No. 4). For instance, when a romantic partner gives attention to an attractive rival, a person may feel both jealous of that attention and envious of the rival for being so attractive. And since jealousy involves the loss of a personal relationship, it's usually more intense than envy.

Here's how envy and jealousy stack up:

ENVY

Feelings of inferiority
Longing
Resentment of circumstances
Ill will towards envied person often accompanied by guilt about these feelings
Motivation to improve
Desire to possess the attractive rival's qualities
Disapproval of feelings

JEALOUSY

Fear of loss
Suspicion or anger about betrayal
Low self-esteem and sadness over loss
Uncertainty and loneliness
Fear of losing an important person to an attractive other
Distrust


tt


Izzy_*now*

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Re: Being Envied #2---
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2008, 03:38:13 PM »
I found this interesting, in respect to my post about the woman and my wheelchair--pushing me around.

Another woman, the Secretary, is now working with her, and Her told the new woman that Her was afraid of me--she didn't say what the trouble was. New woman didn't want to know and I told her anyway so she would understand. She said  "oh, now I understand" and said that it is unresolved for Her and then I realized that Her never said she was sorry for "assaulting" me.

New woman and I had a meeting yesterday and we got on well and I expect all will be a smoother as she will now be a go between  for Her and me.

"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"