Author Topic: Yet another Narcissist in my life  (Read 3489 times)

spyralle

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Yet another Narcissist in my life
« on: May 01, 2008, 05:27:52 PM »
Hey All,

I know I haven't been around for a while.  Some of you will remember that I got a fab new job...  It didn't stay that way unfortunately as my boss turned out to be an N and a clone of my mother.  She has whittled away at my self esteem until I have resigned and am now leaving with no job to go to.  I'm really scared as she is barking mad and very unpredictable.  she has told me I have to keep my leaving a secret until she decides on a lie to tell about it!!!!!!  I have decided though to go to college and train to be a psychotherapist..  I might struggle to be heard and have had a life of trauma but I'M NOT DONE YET!!!!!!!!!  I'm gonna crack this whatever it takes...  I have found myself at work being as voiceless as I ever was but at least I am not just sticking with it and trying to be better.  This time I am waling away..  and despite the fact I am leaving with nothing....  IT FEELS GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SPYRALLE THE BRAVE !!!!

Gabben

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Re: Yet another Narcissist in my life
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2008, 06:31:03 PM »
Hi Spyralle,

Welcome back. My first thought when I read your post was oh no...another N victim.....oh the pain!! Oh frustrating!

At the same time I was hopeful that you would be here to offer some insights and share your healing journey with us as we trudge the road together.

My story is the N-Saint story on the members story part of the board.

This past year I have experienced the full on terror of what it is like to be targeted by one of these predators. It triggered my N mom issues and forced me to have to face a lot of my unresolved traumas from my childhood -- that was the glass half full part!

But no doubt the pain is harsh and I too have continued to attract N's in to my life, at least up until this past year, I finally stopped attracting them. Now I can spot them a mile a way.

Recently I have been reading The Sociopath Next Door. This is a good book.

Hang in there and please keep sharing your experience.

Lise (((((((((((((())))))))))))))))

Ami

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Re: Yet another Narcissist in my life
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2008, 07:04:25 PM »
Hi Spy
 Welcome Back,friend.Sorry,it took an N to bring you here. Life seems so hard s/times, doesn't it. I am sorry, Spy.   Love   Ami

(((((((Spy))))))0
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gaining Strength

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Re: Yet another Narcissist in my life
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2008, 08:21:24 PM »
and despite the fact I am leaving with nothing....  IT FEELS GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SPYRALLE THE BRAVE !!!!


Now that is an impressive attitude!  Spyralle, you rock! 
You take a fabulous job and it turns into a destructive N and you come out with this attitude!!!
That sounds like healing to me!

So good to see you.
Gaining Strength

Overcomer

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Re: Yet another Narcissist in my life
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2008, 08:26:58 PM »
Well that is why even when you think you are making a good move, you NEVER know what you are getting into.  The one time I did escape from my mom and went to work for a furniture company...the two week training was GREAT!!  Like a vacation.  They treated us like royalty.  Then I got there and all the sales reps looked at me with suspicion.  The manager stood by the door at 9 pm (after I had been there since 9:45 AM) and said, "You cannot leave.  If someone wanders out of the appliance department and walks into the furniture department, you will want to be there to serve them...."  I felt jailed.  Then I got home and the house was a wreck, dog poop on the floor, and my H was sound asleep in the bed!  I was so upset.....  Then I asked if I could go home at 5:30 for dinner and they said no - I worked two blocks away.......dinner was BEFORE 4 pm - and my H got home at 5......

Only lasted three weeks and called my mom and went back to my own prison!!  But at least it was only an emotion prison - not a literal prison!!

Sorry Spyralle!!  Hope you can find something better!
Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

debkor

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Re: Yet another Narcissist in my life
« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2008, 12:32:24 AM »
Hey Spyralle,

I know what you mean when you just up and say, I'm leaving, without another job.  Been there done that.

I worked with A Dr. who was big N and her Office Mgr who was little N to the Big N and tried to be the big N when the really big N was not around to me. lol did that make sense.  I swear that is how it really was.  And I use to watch them in action and listen to their words and think, what the hell am I doing here, till one day I said, no really what am I doing here, See ya!!
Sometimes you can have a big loud voice and you still are voiceless with N's so better to walk away, like you did. 
Sometimes actions speak lounder then words and I'd say your actions were loud and clear. 

Good for you.

Love
Deb

 

Hopalong

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Re: Yet another Narcissist in my life
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2008, 07:10:48 AM »
Sometimes you just gotta save yourself or there'll be nobody to row the boat.

Congrats and courage and welcome back, Spy.

xo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Leah

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Re: Yet another Narcissist in my life
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2008, 07:15:31 AM »
Warm welcome ((( Spyralle )))

and "Bravo" to you!

We just don't know what's round the corner, however, you clearly demonstrate, that whatever it is -

- one can choose to "walk away from the table"!    Freedom!

Love, Leah

« Last Edit: May 02, 2008, 07:20:27 AM by LeahsRainbow »
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO

spyralle

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Re: Yet another Narcissist in my life
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2008, 04:17:03 AM »
Do you know what.... I love this place and you people.  I know I come and go and try to forget that I need help, but I know inside that since I have found this site I have an anchor and I place i can always go where people - for the first time in my life - actually understand..

I am in a really difficult situation.  I have resigned and am trying to work out my 3 months notice in the right way as I am managing a lot of nursing staff and I don't want to just walk out and leave them..  Of course my N boss has taken it furiously..  After all I have personally wounded her..  Therefore she is behaving in a very sinister way..  She has told me not to say anything to the staff team while she makes up a story about why I am leaving.  She has managed to isolate me from the rest of the senior management team and they are al ignoring me.  She has ridiculed all my reasons for leaving.  I am director in a residential treatment centre for addiction where there is dangerous unboundaried stuff happening.  She refuses to acknowledge that this is the case.  She is barking mad!!!!  The consultant who interestingly also had an N mother has gone the other way.  He has lost all his principles to be the 'favourite child'..  I'm so relieved that I am getting out but terrified of what she is going to put me through before I go..

I just need some support and sanity from you guys if that is ok to get me through this.

Lots and lots of love

Spyralle xxx

Hopalong

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Re: Yet another Narcissist in my life
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2008, 09:09:34 AM »
Can you make an appointment with a labor lawyer?
There are probably certain actions you can take now, and certain kinds of documentation you can and should be doing during this period, that will protect you from any malicious sabotage or retaliation.

I think a labor lawyer is the right kind, or an employment lawyer...I'm not certain of the proper title but I know it IS a legal specialty.

I urge you to do that, Spy.

And come here for ears.

love to you,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

debkor

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Re: Yet another Narcissist in my life
« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2008, 12:33:12 PM »
Spy,

Oh my your boss needs to get herself in check.  N being one thing but putting you in a dangerous situation is a big NO NO.  And don't you do it.  Who is her Boss?  You have the right to be safe as well as the patients and the rest of the staff.  I understand that in those facilities there are some dangers but for her to not have boundaries for your safety or patients is INSANE. 

And why does she have to make up a story to the staff, a lie, well yes, I can see this, to protect her image and if not what is her point.  Why a lie?  What is she trying to do?

Sounds like she has already lied Spy by the way your being ignored. 

She is ridiculing your decisions?  Remember she is N that's what they, try to do, don't let her.  She is an Ass. And she is not acting professional.  You are.  Remember that, spoiled tantrum brat, scared and acting out (that is what she is) but even children have consequences for their behavior just like the Adult N child as she is acting. 
I'm sure if  it continues to carry on and put you in a dangerous situation, especially, in such a facility, the STATE  would not be happy to hear about this or like Hops said, an attorney. Trust me they would not want either. 

It sounds to me like she/they are a bit frightened of you. Maybe that is why they are ignoring you. Read between the lines Spy.  Look at the behavior.  She may be wounded but I think she knows that you can cause some serious damage, if you bark, back.  I think. 

Lets not forget also.  N's like to keep people separate.  They have this set of people and that set of people and they use each in opposite ways.  The one thing they don't want is them to meet in the middle because then all the, empty, missing spots, of the behavior, the plan, the secrets just may be solved, and the result would be damaging to the N.

Could she be working you and the staff and senior members this way?  Lie, Lie, Lie,  Manipulate one this way, the other that way and terrorize the other.  She is planting images, thoughts and pretty much gas lighting everyone. 

And if you do tell the staff why you are leaving what is she going to do?  Fire you?  Go ahead, then she can tell her story to unemployment, and challenge you for applying.  Yet, again, things will be exposed!  She does really not want that.

Try to remember this so no matter what she does it is not you.  You are leaving for good reasons and without hard feelings.  The hard feelings are hers.  Don't take them on and at the same time don't let her bully you.


And people will most likely know why you are leaving, even through, her lies.  They  just don't say it.  But they know.  And you don't have to prove anything to anyone.  But they know.

I'm glad you are getting out and I think your future will be very fullfilling. 
Just hang in there.

Love
Deb


 










spyralle

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Re: Yet another Narcissist in my life
« Reply #11 on: May 03, 2008, 12:57:45 PM »
's funny isn't it how easy it is to internalise the words of the N.  See... in reality I know you are all right..  But I am terrified of her..  I feel sick and scared and IT"S BLOODY RIDICULOUS!!!!..  I'm angry at myself for feeling that way and I feel relieved that I'm leaving but I realy struggle with the fact that she is trying to take something away from me.  It is totally normal for people to resign but you'd think I had killed someone.  I have already told the staff the truth and I really was touched by their response.  Most of them cried.  They all said that I represented integrity for them and what would they do when I was gone.  Yet they won't speak out!!!

Spy xx

spyralle

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Re: Yet another Narcissist in my life
« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2008, 03:49:12 AM »
A little ditty to lighten my current predicament.... xxx

So they came one and all
They showed up at Corruption Hall
For the narcissists ball

It was a battle of the egos
They forgot to leave them at the door 
They arrogantly strutted in
Oh God it was a bore
The downtrodden staff were waiters
They grimaced with plastered on smiles
And behind the scenes
They were mortified
But they went that extra mile

At the narcissists ball

Chief Narcissist was on a roll
With the little N’s behind
Bowing, nodding and smiling
They toed the party line
There were a few who shed a tear 
At the dreams they had been told
They were beginning to recognise 
That the lies were getting old
And the beds were growing cold
As more crap to them was sold..

At the Narcissists ball

And in the cellar down below
Integrity was kept,
bound and gagged and sacrificed
For her principles she wept..

‘Integrity has failed us
We don’t need her on the floor
She didn’t sell her soul to us
Let’s torture her some more’

We’ll tell them she’s a traitor
And we had to let her go
We’ll trample on her principles
And then they’ll never know
We’ll invent some bloody monstrous lie
And ruin her career
Then we’ll go on and rule the world
No one will ever hear…

Remember the lovely finance man
We did away with him
And of course we got away with it
Buy buying him a pen

And the gardener that just disappeared
No one will ever suspect
That he’s buried in the compost
Cos he questioned the budget

And so the dancing carries on
The music’s on repeat
An endless song of bullshit
But there’s fabulous food to eat
At Corruption Hall

At the Narcissists Ball…