Changes in Self Image

[James]

I want to add to my previous post that a persons difficulty in going back, whether they think it unimportant or don't feel it necessary to feel the old pain IMO is really the enormous unconscious fear/pain we experienced still at play and making false reasoning in our consciousness now as to why we should not revisit the past. The fear/pain may have been so great that we could not survive. Because of this it is necessary to have someone accompany us on this journey now. It is essential they be healed so they don't interfere with their own unconscious fears and keep us from our truth.  And then the child feelings we once knew can be experienced in all their pain in the company of what we did not have. Someone who can support us in the truth abt what we find and not blame us but stand solidly behind the child we were, existing now only in memories..........James

[Leah]

Positive thinking, intellectualizing , Mantras etc etc will never work, because in essence deny the truth. I hope this makes sense. Unless a person finds this to be true for themselves it is almost nearly impossible to explain it and have a person experience it as real.

I feel validated to read that someone else thinks as I do, in so much as I don't believe that "Positive Thinking" works.

How can it?  When for the last 20 years plus -- numerous authors, Christian and secular, have churned out "Positive Thinking" books and programs -- with 12 keys to this and that!  And the same people are still, today, buying the latest program of books and tapes!

I know they don't work because I purchased many 12 keys / steps "Positive Thinking" books, tapes, videos, dvds, during my time as a new Christian in the 90's -- and they made no difference at all.

Whereas, now, I have worked through my healing and for the first time in my life -- I am healed, totally different, having been set free!

"Kenyonism" does not work!   

Just my personal experience, as I really do know the difference, in my life, now.    The truth has set me free, indeed.

Leah x


PS>  And my heart weeps for those of whom I personally know who are still "bound" and unhappy, having spent over 20 years of their life purchasing each new 12 Keys / steps, books and merchandise, and remain so unhappy with feelings of "bad" -- because the "Keys / Steps" and "Positive Thinking" have not worked for them!  Sadly, they await the next "new thing"

[James]

GS...I don't know enough about your specifics, as posted here, but in my mind it would stand to reason a good test of the integrity of what you are experiencing would to be ask yourself the question... if you have felt the real hurt.... if current painful feelings start to dissolve and you experince very meaniful insight as this happens, relief and the feeling of freedom will emerge and it will be lasting...This would be proof of an actual real processing of old trauma IMO.....James

[James]

Leah......it is sad to see people deluding themselves thru the false promises of other people. Everyone must find their own courage to face their past, unique only to them. These gurus are only deluding themselves thru the glorification of their lies by others following, then they almost believe what they writeand still don't find the courage to face their own pain......James

[Leah]

James,

I so agree, a few of the top 10 "authors" I have have personally met, and in particular, one charismatic "author" (who arrogantly laughed at people and called out to them "you ugly thing!")  would not permit his daughter to be buried, because he adamantly refused to accept that she had died and wanted her to be brought back to life.  And so each day he spent with his daughter in "denial" chanting his "Positive Thinking / Confession."   The whole scenario was heartbreaking and must have caused him as a person, immense mental anguish, I would think.

Leah x

[James]

Leah......this is certainly a shocking example of the massive power of denial at work. Can you imagine the trauma that drove this man to such a delusional and almost insane state of hopeless belief? I hope you don't waste your precious time anymore under the spell of such people......Love, James

[Iphi]

James - amazing great posts - you are really the voice of experience on this and I immensely appreciate it.  Want to shout 'yeah!'

[Ami]

(((((((((((Iphi)))))))) You are doing SO well, Iphi!          Love  Ami

[Overcomer]

Wow James amazing stuff.  The book I am reading says some of these same things.  It talks about how we recreate our lives over and over and over trying to get it right.  But we end up making the same mistakes.  She also said that repressed memories take up a lot of emotion to keep them down and they wreak havoc on our bodies more than the anger and rage and other toxic emotions.  I still do not get how you speak them away although she did talk about when a negative thought comes into our minds and we usually have an emotional response (like when our mom says something that pushes our buttons) we are to even speak outloud - ok, Kelly, this is an example of your mom pushing your buttons.  What she is saying is not true so do not get angry, just know that that is mom and she cannot help but to say things like that to you.  It is HER.  Apparently you try to nip the emotional response.  I guess when she said I had borderline personality disorder I should have laughed in her face and went into the bathroom and spoke outloud - Kelly, this is her attempt to rationalize her behavior and of course, she would try to project her issues on to you.  Do not let her get the best of you......it is her problem.  Do not own it.

[Ami]

Dear Kelly
 You have to have help with someone getting you in to the "space" where you re-feel the old emotions, again. They are buried--repressed. You just can't "will " to feel them. You need s/one to help who knows what they are doing. That has been MY experience,in the last two weeks, but James can answer more and I may be wrong.
 I am so glad that it makes sense to you, Kelly.    Love    Ami

[James]

Iphi..........Reading your thread yesterday, it was obvious to me you are there now. The way you let your body speak and understand it's voice is amazing. In this way you will eventually heal but it does take time to do this. I know the terror and pain feel so real but it is about back then not now. I am on the side of the little girl you were and the woman you have grown into......James

[James]

Overcomer........IMO rage and anger are not toxic emotions. They are normal emotions and only when they are not expressed and often repressed do they actually become toxic to the body. They have a story to tell. We can only access old child emotions thru current situations that open the door to our past.....James

[sKePTiKal]

Dear Kelly
 You have to have help with someone getting you in to the "space" where you re-feel the old emotions, again. They are buried--repressed. You just can't "will " to feel them. You need s/one to help who knows what they are doing. That has been MY experience,in the last two weeks, but James can answer more and I may be wrong.
 I am so glad that it makes sense to you, Kelly.    Love    Ami

My experience was a bit different; I don't think I would've benefited from someone being with me while I worked through memory to the emotions/events that were repressed...on the contrary; I would've been too inhibited. I'm glad you could be there and do this for Ami, James. What I found in my process, was that I was now strong enough to let the memories lead me and to feel those feelings on my own... and this, to me, was evidence that I had nothing to fear from my own emotions; I needn't fear being overwhelmed or flooded anymore; I was able to "turn on the light and see that there were no monsters under my bed"; nothing going to jump out & eat me; nothing to be afraid of - because the memories & feelings were ME. I went at my own pace, bit by bit - and rested and evaluated and processed, when I needed to. That was before I found VESMB.

The value for me - is that I could OWN all those memories; no one prompted me, suggested anything, put ideas in my head... and consequently, the same was true for my emotions. Once this stuff becomes "known"... the power/fear begin to recede... or they did for me. The beginning of acceptance, a fact in the timeline of my personal history, the beginning of letting it go...

It sounds like we're all talking about the same thing, here... using different words, coming at it from different places, ya know? Each one owns their own experience of this; the uniqueness of it... but there are commonalities that make recognition (oh! I know that!) and empathy (oh! I've been there! Poor dear!) possible.

[gratitude28]

Lollie,
Were you hiding in my house when I was growing up??? Just reading your post about made me break into a sweat. How can these people believe they are normal? How do they go on each day and pretend they are human????
James, it is so nice to see you moving forward and finding so much sense and reason!!!!
Ami, I am feeling frustraed with the whole FOO and wish they would just be out of my life. I guess since we can't have that, we have to cope. I am not feeling much like coping.
Everyone, this post has so much in it, I will read and reread it all.
Love, Beth

[Ami]

I agree with Beth. There is so much wisdom on this thread.     Love   Ami