Author Topic: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses  (Read 3501 times)

teartracks

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Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« on: June 04, 2008, 05:09:29 PM »


Hi everyone,

I've hung out on VESMB for a few years now.   I've benefited from it.  I feel vested in it.  I want to continue to participate.  Over those years, I've wanted to find a satisfying balance or if you please a  protocol I could use personally for posting responses.   The thing that trips me up most often is when to respond and when not to.  I think of myself as a woman of few words.  I'm still figuring out what part of my 'few words' self is authentic and which part stems from the undeniable remaining pathos of voicelessness. Then there is the question of  schedules and time, and determining just how much time spent focusing on this board, it's members and its content is healthy?   I experience some anxiety about finding the illusive healthy balance especially when determining when and to whom I should respond.   Then I thought, tt, if you are half the woman you think you are, you can figure this out.  :D So for now, I've decided to take Dr. Grossman as my model.  True, he is our moderator, but he also participates on threads from time to time.  And when he does, as far as I can tell, he only responds to comments or questions directed to him personally.  Exceptions are when he is acting exclusively as moderator.  He posts for holidays, birthdays or other celebrations.  He also posts when a member experiences a tragedy.  This approach seems a little austere (nothing against you Dr. G.) even to me, but it is at least a place for me to start and  helps relieve the anxiety I've felt concerning what seemed like a serial randomness  to my responses in the past.

So for now, I'm going to try using the above as a guideline when posting.

Have any of you had similar thoughts or misgivings like mine?  Would love to hear from you. 

tt
   




 
« Last Edit: June 04, 2008, 05:18:48 PM by teartracks »

Juno

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2008, 06:33:54 PM »
Hi tt,

Yes, I have similar issues I'm dealing with.  I'm think I'm more "talky" than you by nature, but still I can be struck dumb more often than I like.  So, I don't know yet what my quiet times mean either.  Just me?  Or just Voicelessness?

This place has turned out for me the way real life often turns out for me.  A big splash at first, or at times, then relegated to the sidelines.  But now I realize I'm the one relegating myself to the sidelines.  I even think it may turn out to be part of my nature.  I just get worn out with it all sometimes.  And I don't have as many of the same interests as lots of people do. 

When I came back as Juno after posting so long as Pennyplant, I felt like a different version of myself.  And that is good.  I grew.  But I also wanted to specifically limit myself because I tend to get addictive or habitual about the internet and this board.  I wanted a way to have discipline.  And so I mainly post on my own story thread on the other board.  Very helpful in some ways.  And very limited in others.  Also, instructive as to how I operate and why I might so often be sidelined. 

It's just a trial and error thing for me.  I almost always read your posts.  But I would say I'm not sure I "know" you all that well.  Possibly a lot of people here think that about me as well.  I just have a hard time being close to people.  Even here.  But I'm accepting that and figuring maybe I'll outgrow it someday.  Or not.

I feel kind of self-centered doing most of my posting on the story board.  But it's there for a reason and it helps me a lot.  It seems like it has helped others too.  I do hope I get outside of myself more someday.

So, is this related to what you mean?  Your post does strike a chord with me even if I'm going off in a different direction here with my explanation.


Certain Hope

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2008, 06:49:54 PM »



Have any of you had similar thoughts or misgivings like mine?  Would love to hear from you. 

tt

 

Yes.... very much so, tt... and also quite similarly to what Juno has expressed, as I tend toward addictive behavior and often struggle with time management.
Spent more time reading here yesterday than I have in months... and enjoyed it!... but - that must be a rare treat, for me, else I tend to get swamped and lose equilibrium.

I've found that - for me, it's best now if I limit myself to reading just a few members regularly, along with selected topics of curiousity or interest, instead of trying to keep up with all newcomers and happenings across the board. Wish I could do more, but that simply hasn't worked out well for me and I wind up feeling far too depleted.

Anyhow, I do understand your desire to set some sort of guideline for yourself and I think it's a great idea to try working along various patterns until you find one that works for you! After all, nothing is written in stone here. Does feel strange though... going from such active involvement to what feels like a very hit-and-miss deal, I know. Just feels to me like a case of - to everything there is a season.

Love to you, and great appreciation,
Carolyn




lighter

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2008, 08:34:46 PM »
Post at will.... tt.

Post at will.

Sometimes the heart needs to speak out more.... sometimes less.

I will say this.... shooting for an understated style.... isn't a bad thing: )

Lighter

mudpuppy

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2008, 11:25:18 PM »
Quote
I found a fit.

Beats throwing one.   :)

mud

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #5 on: June 05, 2008, 11:32:02 AM »
There have been times that I took a break.....unwittingly.......I just did not feel the need to come on.  Then I had a trauma and came back for moral support.  There have been a few times I have been here that certain people flood the board with topics and it becomes overwhelming to keep up so I just quit.  Sometimes my life is so hectic that I cannot keep up either.  Sometimes I am reading on my phone and if the posts are too long, the last part of sentences get cut off and that is frustrating and then I can only respond with 500 characters.

Sometimes the posts are redundant.  Sometimes it feels like work drama where one person doesn't like or trust another one.  Sometime it is warranted and sometimes not.  Some people cannot spell sometimes and sometimes they can.....does that mean they are two different people??

I wish I could have a mental picture of folks.  I have seen a few people and I "know" them better because I have a face with a name.....
Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

LilyCat

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #6 on: June 05, 2008, 02:24:32 PM »
Absolutely. For one thing, I don't have an internet connection at home (PC, but no phone line to save $$) so I can only do it at work. Thus, I can't always get on or spend the kind of time I'd like.

Often I'd like to be able to respond, but due to these time issues the best I can do is try to read what I can. There are still people here whom I'd like to respond to and never have -- James, you being one of them -- and it's hard to do because of these restrictions.

A lot of the time I want to say something but don't know what. Honestly, my heart is there but I just don't know what to say. I hear so much pain and sadness, and although my family experience was hard, most of yours seems so much harder. I know it must be if you had an N for a parent or relative. I just had a brief (if horrendous) encounter.

And, I have struggled my whole life with feeling that I have something valid to say. I still feel that way. If nothing else it has really held me back in my career. But everywhere. I went on another -- ta da!!!! -- date this weekend, and although the guy was a little neurotic, he actually was very sweet, sort of innocent underneath; I could see that. He talked a lot, and he admitted that -- but a few times he explained that, since he'd married his high school sweetheart, he never had the chance to meet different kinds of women and see who he liked. Since I'm a listener, not a talker, he told me that I was depriving him of the privilege of knowing who I am. He's so right! That was better feedback than I could possibly have told him. (But still I couldn't talk. I'm good at responding but not at independently revealing. I just have to know someone before I can do that.)

Well, that doesn't seem to cogent. So yes, I struggle with this all the time and in all sorts of ways. I really carry so many of your struggles with me through the week, and it's hard to let you know that.

xoxo,

LC

Hopalong

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #7 on: June 05, 2008, 03:28:10 PM »
LC,
I think you're cogent as all heck.
And say a great deal with your gracefulness.
Sometimes form IS content.

Thank you for your lovely letter.
(It felt like a letter. Not a post.)

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Hopalong

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #8 on: June 05, 2008, 03:30:12 PM »
TT, I'm grateful for this thread.

I don't know if it'll make any difference in my dependency, but I'll say that I know I use the board as a diversion from the adult things I fear or don't want to do.

I'm glad you offer this reminder that there are different ways of experiencing it.

Floating, then landing now and then, would make a lot more sense for me too.
(I am always open to being hollered at.)

love,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

LilyCat

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #9 on: June 05, 2008, 05:13:58 PM »
Hops,

You make me smile! I wish you were my neighbor. You are so generous and uplifting and affirming to everyone here -- and always with style and panache and sincerity and true insight into the person you're responding to.

Good luck with the house. I'm in a somewhat similar situation. My dad died last October and left both my sister and I the house. She's the executrix (older, Golden child! But a good decision on his part nonetheless.) She can't sell it without my consent; I'd love to buy her out, but even though it's not much money, I don't have it and I couldn't afford the upkeep, anyway. I'm crushed. It's been in the family for almost 100 years. It's the only place I really have to call home. (I rent.) It's my grandmother's house -- the kind of place I can go to and be surrounded by memories. So, I know how you feel. Hope it all works out for you!

Thanks again. You are really a dear person.

LC

(Obviously I had nothing to do at work today, ha, ha, because I had time to spend here.)

teartracks

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #10 on: June 05, 2008, 08:47:31 PM »




Hi Hops,

It's true.  Everyone experiences everything differently. 

Taking this route doesn't feel like floating and landing to me.  Instead it feels structured. The randomness or lack of having a plan before felt more like floating and landing to me.  A good example of the variety of experiences each of us has here.

You won't get hollered at by me.  I've always appreciated and enjoyed your participation.   I agree with LilyCat.  You make me smile! I wish you were my neighbor. You are so generous and uplifting and affirming to everyone here -- and always with style and panache and sincerity and true insight into the person you're responding to.  I like your wit too...

tt


Hopalong

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2008, 08:13:32 AM »
((((((((((((((((((((LC, TT))))))))))))))))))))))))

ego swelling
head expanding


panachefully,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Certain Hope

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #12 on: June 06, 2008, 04:22:55 PM »




Hi Hops,

  I've always appreciated and enjoyed your participation.   I agree with LilyCat.  You make me smile! I wish you were my neighbor. You are so generous and uplifting and affirming to everyone here -- and always with style and panache and sincerity and true insight into the person you're responding to.  I like your wit too...

tt


Me, too!  And you give great hugs!!  :D

((((((((((((Hops)))))))))))) Happy Friday and wishes for a wonderful weekend, with love,
Carolyn

P.S.  Oh, and I agree about LilyCat's post, as well... feels like reading a lovely letter from an old friend... very sweet and satisfying.

LilyCat

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #13 on: June 06, 2008, 04:56:30 PM »
Hi Carolyn,

Thank you for your sweet words. I really do appreciate them and everyone's.

I really like your quote at the end of your page. (Pride/Shame/Wisdom.) It completely sums up my N experience, on both a personal and congregational level.

Anyway, thanks -- and have a good weekend! Everyone.

teartracks

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Re: Tweaking The Way I Post Responses
« Reply #14 on: June 06, 2008, 07:45:04 PM »




Hi LilyCat,

Since I'm a listener, not a talker, he told me that I was depriving him of the privilege of knowing who I am. He's so right! That was better feedback than I could possibly have told him. (But still I couldn't talk. I'm good at responding but not at independently revealing. I just have to know someone before I can do that.)

You know - I agree with your date.  When we hold back too much, we may be denying the other person the blessing of getting to know us better.  Being a good listenter is essential to building relationship.  Sounds like you and I struggle along the same lines.  I bet you gather a lot of information intuitively.  In my mind it is just as reliable as engaging in more talk.  One doesn't take the place of the other, though so. finding a balance is key, I suppose.

Thank you for 'talking' on this thread.  I enjoy hearing your voice.

tt