Narcissistic Parent Thoughts

[les]

Ha! a good Sunday morning laugh! Sometimes I do think it's remarkable that I can walk and talk at the same time too, especially after my mother
gives me her beer bottles to return and tells me slowly and caarreffully that you can get money back for them.  I played along. Trying the "humour" thing! "Really mother? I had no idea. Thirty five years of returning beer bottles and I never figured it out."..then she figured me out! Her response is usually "why you little****" with a mock swing at my head. It is supposed to be funny and I attempt a laugh, but she used to connect. When I watch movies from the 30's and 40's the women are always slapping someone - wonder if this is where she got that move. At times I'm tempted to think it's old age but she has always treated me (what did they say about Gerald Ford?) like I couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time.

Thank you thank you for your encouragement to write Only Me and Mighty Mouse. I feel a little defeated sometimes when I feel that I shouldn't write here because maybe A) it's too stupid B) it's too long, it's always too long C) it's so far fetched maybe people will think I'm making it up - thank you Only Me for telling me that our mothers sound interchangeable! Phew!

Well MM isn't that a lovely sentiment for your birthday. She is certainly looking to score points. Did she actually do something over and above to "keep you alive."  I may have told you before (but hey, I'm going to eat up some space here) but my mother likes to take full credit for my existence as well since she saved me from that 'terrible drunk' (my father) who wanted her to abort me. Oh um well, thanks mom.  And thanks for making 100% absolutely sure that there would be no relationship in the family other than the queen and her adoring worker bee.

Only Me - what a thing for you to be given your birthday presents on Christmas day but not be allowed to open them for several weeks until your birthday. Sure made YOU feel special.  Boy these NMs make me mad.

Well, just riding it out- Ah! I went hang gliding in California 2 years ago after all this stress business in my throat ( still there, not surprisingly)... think I might picture myself riding the air currents and adjusting my glider to get maximum lift away from all the bluster and bull of that tiny "perfect"MN.

Les

[les]

s)[/HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIGHTY MOUSE!!!! ********!!!!!!******!!!!!!!(fireworks]

Hugs to you birthday girl - es tu Libra?

Les

[bunny]

Approaching the weekly visit I was full of anger.  On the way there I was shouting "Die, Die, why don't you die."  I really want to get beyond that and I thought I was.

I've decided not to judge my murderous rage toward others. I often wished that my MIL would die and expressed these feelings to my therapist and to a coworker who could relate (not to my H; I don't think he needed to hear it). I also have murderous rage toward my own parents but I am more interested in keeping them alive for various reasons...

Bottom line, we all have murderous rage, it is a primitive, infantile feeling and doesn't have to be confused with adult mature coping skills.

I want your mother to go away (permanently) and I don't even know her.  

bunny

[bunny]

I wasn't forthcoming with many flattering comments this past trip, b/c I just was so tired of the whole game, and so she resorted to asking for compliments - like
NM: Don't these gold earrings look wonderful on me?
Me: they look perfect.  
NM: yes they do, don't they? But these pearl ones look nice on me, too, don't they?
Me: they look lovely too
NM: Yes, they do, don't they?
Gag, choke, gag......

This reminds me of a child who demands that I repeat the same script over and over (and over), not realizing or caring how tedious this game is to a grownup. This is how I deal with it: "I'll say it one more time and that's it."

bunny

[OnlyMe]

[/quote]This is how I deal with it: "I'll say it one more time and that's it."


That's Brilliant, bunny - I'll try it at Thanksgiving, and let you know how it works on an OLD NM 6yr old!  I have a hunch that I'll still have to meet a quota of NM stroking, but we'll see what happens!

[mighty mouse]

es tu Libra?
 
Si, senora!! Guess that month in SMA did me some good

Well, the story on me being alive is:  I wouldn't eat (guess I didn't want the teet even way back then, he, he). This went on for 3 weeks and my mother took me to doctors who said that I'll eat when I'm hungry. Well she didn't believe them and grew anxious (she probably was right, I don't know). So she said she held my nose and forced me to open my mouth at which time she forced me to eat. After a while I just started eating again (although I don't think I took her breast milk). And then I had an episode where I was into a convulsion and turning blue (I don't know when this was relative to the whole eating thing), and my Dad had to run up stairs and smack me to get me out of it. So she saved my life by force feeding me and Dad saved my life by smacking me out of a convulsion.

So see, they really did save my life. But as you mentioned in one of your posts, she brings things up out of left field usually for guilt tripping or manipulation purposes. But at least this one was funny. In fact most of the time anymore, I just see her bringing up ancient history as amusing. She said to me one day "I'm sorry you had money problems when you were 20" (like everybody doesn't?). This just out of the blue. I think she just likes to always try to keep me one down so to speak. But I just ignore that and her anymore.

BTW, Les. That story about your mom and the bunny ears was so surreal to read. My mom isn't a six year old, but I think she might have stalled at about 13 or so? She had a nutty family and was always trying to throw off the shackles of a literally crazy family. I think she did have it bad. I feel bad for her sometimes. It's probably why she's like she is.

MM

[OnlyMe]

Hang gliding?  Wow, Les, that means that you can hang-glide, talk and probably chew gum all at the same time!  **pom-poms**  you're Super Girl    
Remember that, when the crazy nm starts her antics - think : Hey, I can do something you can't do, you old bat!!! Nya Nya Nya !!!    
OM is proud of you!!

[meow mix]

Hi everyone,
This forum is saving my brain, not to mention my soul. OnlyMe & Les' constant stream of compliments to their NMs sound waaaaaaaay too familiar.  And I had to laugh at [sorry, too lazy to look up who wrote it] the NM explaioning how to get a deposit back from a bottle.  Today I was told to simply put my NM's errant hat on her bed, because OBVIOUSLY I wouldn't be capable of hanging it up properly.  Also whenever I don't like something she does -- a shoe style, a food -- it's only because I'm being "negative" or "stubborn." She still cna't quite believe I'm allergic to shellfish & often asks me if I've *really tried* eating it again. I told her I didn't *really* want to barf for 5 hours.

And is it my perception, or are many of us on this forum middle-age? I myself am 43 and finally am (a) seeing NM as a 4-year-old (or 6, or 2, depending), (b) giving her mirroring, (c) pretending I am merely a nursemaid to retain my sanity (NM just had heart surgery).  In fact, as poor ol Dad & I were cleaning up & generally doing her bidding, a friend came over to wish her well, pretending with a large bow & scrape to do her honour (the friend is on to her)... and NM referred to Dad & myself as
"servants".  Funny, 'coz ever since I was little I always wished NM would've had a slave to bug instead of us...

I've also taken to standing in the "at ease" pose while waiting for the Next Order From On High.  It helps distance me from the fact that this is, in fact, my mother. Though sometimes I have to refrain from saluting when the order comes through.  And I also have a running commentary going on internally:
NM: I really understand you better now!
Me, internally: <Like [bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep] hell, you [bleep bleep] do. You never tried before, so what the [bleep bleep bleep] makes you think you do NOW?!?!?!?!?>

I was not roundly abused physically but there are too many parellels I read in these posts (and I've been reading them for 6 hours), too many things that say NM in big neon letters.  This isn't new to me; another friend of mine had told me about the Narcs since our mothers were so similar.  

To jump around a bit... the 6-year-old thing is great; I was wondering if that's when NMs are first affected... my NM went through WWII in Europe (which we hear about IN-FRIGGIN-CESSANTLY) at about that age. And yes, it is too, too good to live FAR away.  I used to live too close; now that there's an ocean between us I feel much saner, more adult, more MYSELF.

Her's looking forward to 3 days from now, when I get the hell outta hell and back to my real world.

Sorry about the long posts -- damn, this topic sure opens up the floodgates, don't it?!

meow mix

[Jamie]

Well, I have just been on the phone with nmom and am exhausted.
It is so draining to have to keep pretending to care about her long descriptions of her day and how wonderful she is, and how lovely she looks, etc. I seldom am able to squeeze in a complete sentence - it is all about her, for about an hour non-stop.

the above quote made me bust out crying...i thought i was alone-
i'll have to write later-jamie