Author Topic: Healthy community  (Read 32811 times)

Certain Hope

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #90 on: June 17, 2008, 10:15:41 AM »
Quote
That, in reality, is the way ALL groups work, isn't it?

Amber,

Yes, I believe so. That's the way groups of mature, healthy adults work, imo... and - if I'm not aiming for that goal within my own group relationships, then I'm dishonoring both myself as an individual and disrespecting the integrity of the group with whom I'm associated.

Thank you so much for this insight, Amber.

Love,
Carolyn

Hopalong

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #91 on: June 17, 2008, 10:33:26 AM »
A good friend of mine was secretary for her Quaker meeting. She was/is such a lovely human being, never said a bad word about anybody. But there were times when even the profound peacefulness of her faith would fail her. She told a story that left me in stitches (and deepened my understanding of the Friends):

At meetings, which went on for hours because of the Quaker belief in Consensus (no decision would go forward without every single voice being heard until the ENTIRE GROUP was in agreement), there would be near-consensus, and after taking notes for literally hours she'd be breathing a sigh of relief, it's almost over, then JUST as things seemed so close to consensus, she'd hear a wavery voice from another pew and someone would be saying, "Friends, I have another thought to share..." and poor C's brain would boil and she'd sit there with her hand cramping thinking very very un-Quakerly thoughts.  :lol:

So I was just thinking, even if a majority of folks on the board realized they were mostly in agreement about the primary problems, what would they do? We could hold meetings on subjects such as:

What seems to be the epicenter of most quakes on the board?
How much damage is done?
Are the aftershocks over?
Are the scientists explaining how the quake starts and spreads?
Do we get it?
Do we linger around the fault lines because the landscape is lovely?
Are there undersea quakes?
Can we just ride the nice waves?
Will they be small enough to cause entertaining action, but not as big as tsunamis?
Are there Noctopi, with tentacles in every thread, who might be squirting too much ink?
Is the ocean's health limitless? Can it absorb everything released into it?
Can too much Noctopus ink actually harm the ecosystem?

And for me, the most important question:
Am I a Noctopus?
(Don't answer that...)  :)

love,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Certain Hope

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #92 on: June 17, 2008, 10:44:11 AM »
lol...

Hops, I do love you so.

Carolyn

lighter

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #93 on: June 17, 2008, 10:47:52 AM »
 :shock:

Those were all really good questions, Hops.

I wanna know the answers also!

Enjoyed the story too.

Lighter

Ami

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #94 on: June 17, 2008, 10:50:31 AM »
Wisdom, Hops.           Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Leah

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #95 on: June 17, 2008, 11:40:18 AM »


I wish to share my thoughts regarding a realization  -   of the IMPACT within this community:


The No Contact Order Ruling  --  Effects ALL members of the board  --  ALL Current members   and   ALL  New Members.


A valid point to consider:    those who are bound in NC cannot post onto a thread of a "warm welcome extended to a new member" when it is created by a NC person or persons !!!


Do we perhaps need to ask Dr Grossman to create a permenant thread at the top of the board - explaining, highlighting, and listing, ALL members who are rendered void in posting to a new member

because they are each in a binding NC rule.   Which might be helpful to new members who may feel bewildered and confused with the board dynamics.


[ No Contact Order - which may be slapped on an person with no basic human right of reply - or hope of a healthy reconciliation and restitution]



My thoughts and observation, as also, I can * see * that this new No Contact ruling in the board dynamics and group think  --  effects ALL people on the board - Current members and NEW Members !


The recipient of the No Contact is free to create a thread of  " warm welcome to new member "   --  however, not ALL members may choose to post onto the thread?!


(By the way, please let it be known, that I personally, have not, ever, created any No Contact ruling order on anyone here on board).


So in essence, a No Contact Ruling in this place - in the board dynamics - is never really all about you, yourself  --  in reality it effects ALL people, ALL members. 




There is a BIG difference and a choice ... 


> Creating a personal Boundary   (to prevent direct communication)

                                 OR   

> Creating and Enforcing No Contact Ruling Order (to prevent the recipient from posting onto your thread - and also, thereby, preventing the recipient any communication with others on your thread

                                                                                                                                                                                                 

                                                                                                                                                                       in effect, preventing inclusion in the open discussion, thereby, creating exclusion )





Hence, the No Contact Order Ruling effects the board - for ALL members in this 'community'   and especially NEW Members.


The sole reason, the ONLY reason for sharing of what I have realized today is this ...... the IMPACT ...... of what ONE person does to ANOTHER ....... CREATES a harmful ripple effect for others.

Love to ALL,

Leah
« Last Edit: June 17, 2008, 12:23:51 PM by LeahsRainbow »
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO

sKePTiKal

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #96 on: June 17, 2008, 11:51:25 AM »
Leah,

I think there has to be a way for people to draw these kinds of boundaries and to enforce it to feel comfortable - but, I do see the new problem you've described.

Some discussion board software allows individuals to "ignore" other members - i.e, not to see the other person's participation on the board, no matter what thread. And of course, PMs can be blocked. I don't know if this software allows this... but in the case of an apology or change of heart - the person who turns on the "ignore" setting can also turn it off.

Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Gabben

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #97 on: June 17, 2008, 02:32:19 PM »
I don't think anyone here would leave a newcomer's post hang, without any response, though.

Lighter



Dear Lighter,

I agree, newbies do need a reaching hand to them.

But, I've learned on VESMB to be caution of newbies.

Just because someone is new does not make them safe.

However, I'll try to reach out with a simple welcome and unless I feel a strong desire or connection then I pretty much just leave others to connect with them. I hang back and watch newbies...checking to see who they are.  There are trolls in cylberland...I am not speaking about now or the past....I am just speaking generally, the fact of the matter is that newbies should not be granted so much blanket consideration before we know who they really are. Yet, we can still extend ourselves to them.

Personally, I do not measure my desire to stay on a board by how many people reached out to me. It was the content of the weight of one or two peoples words and warmth to me which kept me coming back.


One of the beauties of this board is that not everyone connects with everyone; we are all so different. Some people are going to connect with the newbies, some will not. I tend to think that if a newbie really wants their voice heard and is ready for this board, then they will step in to post, regardless.

Lise
« Last Edit: June 17, 2008, 02:39:01 PM by Gabben »

sKePTiKal

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #98 on: June 17, 2008, 02:49:18 PM »
Oh gosh, Lise....

I know it's just a difference in the way you & I are "built", but I simply can't distrust someone until they've given me reason to. I don't think that's fair to the person in question. I would state what you bolded as:

New people are "safe" for me, until I have evidence otherwise.

Yeah - I've gotten into some real pickles because of this tendency! But I simply can't walk around in my own skin comfortably, without this assumption that people are safe - until I know differently. And I'd be afraid that newbies could sense someone's wariness...
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Gabben

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #99 on: June 17, 2008, 02:56:10 PM »
Oh gosh, Lise....

I know it's just a difference in the way you & I are "built", but I simply can't distrust someone until they've given me reason to. I don't think that's fair to the person in question. I would state what you bolded as:

New people are "safe" for me, until I have evidence otherwise.

Yeah - I've gotten into some real pickles because of this tendency! But I simply can't walk around in my own skin comfortably, without this assumption that people are safe - until I know differently. And I'd be afraid that newbies could sense someone's wariness...

What you wrote is exactly what I was saying you just wrote it out with different words sort of putting a spin on my words.

But, that is pretty much what I WAS saying...

"Just because someone is new does not make them safe."

The above is a statement of fact....not judgement.


PR -- Most of the times that you have posted to me on the board I feel nauseated when I read your posts.


Lise


Gabben

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #100 on: June 17, 2008, 03:02:24 PM »
And I'd be afraid that newbies could sense someone's wariness...

This above is a statement that reveals control issues.

There was nothing in my post that says that I am not warm and friendly to newbies....just cautious, the way I wish I had been with N-Saint.


sKePTiKal

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #101 on: June 17, 2008, 03:08:58 PM »
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

CB123

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #102 on: June 17, 2008, 03:21:33 PM »
Amber, I am wary of initiating PM's right now, but if I were to PM you,  I would tell you how sorry I am that you were on the receiving end of this comment.  That hurts. 

I have followed your growth through the last several months and it has been exhilarating to see such rapid change in someone (of course, I know it only seems rapid to me--you have had years and years of struggle to get where you are.) 

Thank you for being here, for sharing your journey.  You don't deserve that comment.

CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

Hopalong

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #103 on: June 17, 2008, 03:56:55 PM »
Lise, please:

Quote
I ask that it be respectful and kind and mature

thanks,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Izzy_*now*

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Re: Healthy community
« Reply #104 on: June 17, 2008, 04:07:07 PM »
Quote
Quote from: PhoenixRising on Today at 11:49:18 AM
And I'd be afraid that newbies could sense someone's wariness...

Quote
Quote from Gabben
This above is a statement that reveals control issues.

When I see what PR wrote and how Gabben interpreted it, I am amazed. I don't see that as controlling. I see someone's opinion.

Now if it is controlling, then I might be not reading people at all correctly. This would account for my just not understnading life... for a very long time, then came here to voice, so people would understand, and I haven't learned a thing.

Obviously this is nothing against PR or Gabben.

This is questioning my own interpretations of posts, and might be why mine say what I mean with no underhanded messages, good or bad, above board!

Izzy

"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"