Hi all,
One thing I was thinking about:
Let me know if it happens again, and you would like me to do something about it.
Best,
Richard
In regards to enforcement of rules/stepping in when there are conflicts/unacceptable behaviour etc., I think this is key. Maybe it feels awful to try to deal with some of this stuff on one's own but until one actually asks for assistance from Dr. G, it may not happen. There are, as far as I can see, a frequent number of tussels, understanbly here (due to the fact that many are hurting and purging and learning and sharing and trying to make sense of the emotional chaos of so many experiences) and it would be a full time job to monitor or interfere in each episode, never mind the fact that any value from working things out on one's own would be lost. However, from what I recall (which maybe I've missed something.....sure wouldn't be the first time),
Dr. G will respond when he is asked for help.Also, aren't rules made to be broken?
There are grey areas eh? Sometimes, the rules are ignored and it has seemed reasonable to me. I really don't want to dig up threads but how about a hypothetical example?
A poster expresses severe feelings of shame and remorse over and over. After awhile, that person realizes the shame is not theirs and that they have nothing to feel remorse about (the shame was dumped on them by their FOO, whatever). That person, in their realization, becomes suddenly very angry and posts a long rant containing some swearing and lashing out. Would it be really necessary to step in and interupt this period of transition over a couple of swear words and a mindless rant? I know I could certainly do with being more patient, under such circumstances. I need to learn not to react so much and take things so personally and look closer at what is really going on, ask more questions rather than make assumptions (and I wonder if I'll ever learn??? It's sure taking me a long time
).
This might not be the best example but it does show a bit of a grey area, yes?
One word for rallying:
I doubt anyone enjoys the feeling of a number of posters lining up to support one member who is conflicting with another. If that other member then calls for support from the rest of the members, is that then rallying as well? (I know.....it might seem more like a call for war eh? Maybe it's just a feeling of desperation?)
Or if one feels "bullied" and asks for the opinion or support of other posters, is that rallying? Or trying to find clarity? Or the expression of the feeling of helplessness?
I did this myself
(asked for support from other board memebers when I felt bullied and wanted support) and although I'm not proud of my part in that conflict, I did learn that it's ok to neeeeed and it's a good thing to assssk for help and when I did that.......what a feeling of relief when support was offered and my feelings were validated.
I dunno. To me, there are many grey areas, nothing is really written in stone and I do understand how it seems unfair that every situation is not handled exactly according to the rules or in an identical way but on the other hand, how can that be done perfectly? Only by a perfect moderator with perfect group members on a perfect forum in a perfect cyber world, on a perfect day maybe? Does such a person, place and time exist in this life?
Would not a healthy community allow for grey areas/imperfection and the occasional bending of rules?
Are any of us in a position to be the best judge?
Stepping down from podium and passing stick.
Sela
