A Board Example of Bullying

[Ami]

This is an example of bullying  to shut another board member down,IMO.
THIS is why our board is not safe,IMO .When s/one gave their opinion, they were met with this:


                                                                                                                                " ""                                                                                                                                                                        "This is uncalled for.  There is absolutely no reason at all to respond to another member's post like this.......You may not think the question is appropriate.  You may not have a good answer.  Then don't post.  Period.
Sheesh."

[wiltay]

When people don't want to hear a painful truth, especially when their own behavior is involved, they try to shut you up,or, if they have the power to do so, they erase you, figuratively or literally.  In the hen house, when one chicken comes along that is a bit different from the standard issue, the others peck it to death in their fear and terror.  It is clear that on the most basic level, human behavior has evolved no further than the chicken coop.

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi Ami,

Please identify the poster and the thread on which it is posted or else your thread will be deleted.

Thanks,

Richard

[Ami]

The poster is CB. The thread is "What we have learned from recent board strife."                     Ami

[Ami]

You are welcome, Besee.        Love   Ami

[Leah]

Well, YESTERDAY, evidently, enough was enough, as 2 board members left this board.    [Oops - new member  &  Lollie - a member who joined in 2007]

YESTERDAY need not have happened at all, in my experience, and view -- bear in mind -- that I was one of the two members who received the harsh words of admonishment -- rudeness.   


Nothing to do with the general consensus of newbies being groomed or behind the scenes nonsense -- why ever would that be necessary? 

   One only has to sit and read what is glaringly obvious to ALL -- day in day out.

Certainly, no need to assume or discount anyones ability to read and decide.


Yesterday:  Chronology of Choice of Words – and the final outcome

   A personal thread is created with the choice of the “ We “ statement.

   The much discussed, and as I understand, recommended use of the  “ I “ statement was not used.

   Thereby, understandably, questions and responses of clarification will occur - as did happen.

   A member posts that to question the creator of the thread - is 'absolutely out of order’ kind of thing -- directed at the 2 members.
 
   The 1st member then responds – highlighting the full context of her post.

   The 2nd member receives an acknowledgement response posting from  the thread topic creator and all appears well, and in addition, and in conclusion, the member expresses words of encouragement and thanks, with blessings, for something that she learned from the thread topic creator.

   The 2nd member responds to the member who had chimed in with the harsh words of admonishment -- and in doing so, the 2nd member merely expresses her feelings of being wrongly perceived.

Final Outcome:

The 2nd member is informed (with notification to the board owner) on a separate new thread, that a No Contact Order has been enforced, and that henceforth, she cannot post or make reference to the thread topic owner.


http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=8017.0 

http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=8021.0


Am I missing something?  I really don’t understand “why?” all of this had to be.


Truly, I am bewildered, that yesterday, CB who had only returned to posting on the board the previous day,  has done the very thing that she declared ought not be done!


Why?   Are we seemingly devouring one another?   

By the way, this, my posting, is of independent thought -- as in actual fact, I am the aforementioned '1st member' who received the harsh words of admonishment -- rudeness.


Yours sincerely,

Leah x


http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=7976.0     Relational Aggression

[Ami]

I don't understand WHY  the "Healthy Community" thread people are not responding to this thread when s/one actually was bullied.Why would that be?
Maybe since Amber was wondering why the board had conflict and engaged my opinion, she might care to give hers about this.      Ami

[Izzy_*now*]

Perhaps because those are not really bullying words.
They are statements of fact.

Read them!

This is uncalled for. 

There is absolutely no reason at all to respond to another member's post like this.......


You may not think the question is appropriate. 


You may not have a good answer.  Then don't post.

[Ami]

That is selective sight, Izzy.  Peace,   Ami

[Gabben]

This past year I have come to learn that bullying comes in many different forms; one of those forms is bullying disguised as truth telling in order to help someone.

However, it is also normal for a person to percieve someones truth as bullying because the truth can be just that...harsh.

As anyone ever read the story of Revelation by Flannery O'Conner?

http://www.storybites.com/oconnorrevelation2.htm


The "Revelation" in Flannery O'Connor's short story of the same name opens in the waiting room of a doctor's office, where the smug Mrs. Turpin is chatting amiably with a stranger to pass the time. The stranger's homely, surly daughter Mary Grace sits nearby reading a book, significantly called "Human Development."

As her conversation shows, Mrs. Turpin feels a tremendous degree of self-satisfaction regarding her own position in the world. Her caste classifications boil down to race and ownership of land; as she and her husband Claud own a house and a little land to raise pigs on, she considers herself obviously superior to people who own only a house. And since she is white, she considers herself superior to any blacks, regardless of how much property they own. But here her classification system breaks down. She cannot figure out what to do with people who have a lot of money but are common, or who have "good blood" but have lost their money and have to rent. What she is really saying, however, is that she cannot figure out how there could be anybody who is in any way superior to Mrs. Turpin.

Inevitably Mrs. Turpin's reflections break out into speech; she says feelingly, "If it's one thing I am, it's grateful. When I think who all I could have been besides myself and what all I got, I just feel like shouting, 'Thank you, Jesus, for making everything the way it is!' It could have been different!... Oh thank you, Jesus, thank you!"
 
At that moment Mary Grace apparently cannot stand this self-congratulatory blather any longer, and hurls her book at Mrs. Turpin, hitting her in the eye. Mary Grace then lurches across the waiting room, clamps her fingers around Mrs. Turpin's neck and begins to choke her. Mary Grace is subdued and falls into some kind of fit. Mrs. Turpin leans over her and "the girl's eyes [stop] rolling." At this point Mrs. Turpin asks her, "What have you got to say to me?"



The point is that sometimes God's grace, or truth, is like a book hitting us over the head...A wake up call which we can easily mistake for bullying.

[Ami]

 Bill ,Besee, Leah and I can see bullying . We are a smart group of people, IMHO.     Ami

[lighter]

Ummm... Gabbin....

yes.





Well said,




it's always a better lesson....



 we learn the hard way.



Darnit: )

Lighter

[Ami]

Lighter,   You are on my thread,but *I* do not tattle ,so it is OOOO KKKKKK.    Peace,  Ami

[Gabben]

Bill ,Besee, Leah and I can see bullying . We are a smart group of people, IMHO.     Ami

Is this line implying that others here cannot see bullying except you and the others that you mentioned?

As you can see by the story, that is a form of feeling superior about ones self.

Not to say that you have no doubt been ganged up on here on the board, yes, at times you have. It is just to say that it seems by your statement that we who cannot see bullying are inferior to you?

If that is indeed the attitude then can you see how people would want to through books at you?

I ask these questions with an open mind and NO contempt, just curious. Lord only knows the ways I have enjoyed my feelings of superiority in my past, and if I might say I am still working on improving my self-esteem and growing in humility.

Lise

[Ami]

I hear your opinion and take it in the good spirit in which it was given, but disagree.       Blessings,   Ami