Tigerlily's coming to terms with her embarrassment with her Nmother in previous posts reminded me about how i dealt with mine some years ago.
My Nmother tried to embarrass me again by telling the waiter how it was a first time and a once-in-a-lifetime event for me to treat her to a meal on Mother's Day. I couldn't believe what a pathological liar she was. It was heart-sickening to pay that bill and to condone her behavior. I had since regretted it so much. I also resented my father for sitting there and letting it happen. No defense. No truth-seeking. No fairness. No caring. :X
But during another year, she manipulated me to take her shopping and manipulated me to pay for her purchases, as usual. I paid for the items alright. And I took notice that she never showed any signs of appreciation, but nevertheless, i made it very clear that it was to be considered her Mother's day present for that year. Later, at the official Mother's Day dinner which included extended family enough for a banquet sized party, i refused to budge when the bill came. My uncle gave me a look of disapproval, but i refused to be manipulated further. I got over the shame and embarrassment instantly. It didn't hurt at all. I felt empowered that i was in control of my own behavior.

I figured that it didn't hurt to sabotage their sick games. their shaming tactics should not work on me. i felt good taking control of myself again. As for anyone giving me looks of disapproval, i would say, "hey, if you care to ask me what is going on, i would glady tell you. and i will state the facts. i have already given my mother a mother's day gift. and this dinner for 10 people is not part of it because i cannot afford it."
For father's day, Nmother tried to pull another one on me, but it didn't work. First, i have to explain that while growing up, Nmother never cared to celebrate any holidays, birthdays, or special occasions. My parents are not the kind to appreciate arts and crafts made by children, or anything of that kind. They also never cared to give or receive cards from anyone. Another thing i need to explain is that some time ago, my Nmother manipulated me into paying her rent for having a room in her house which i stayed in once or twice a week. I agreed to it and contributed timely, despite my state of unemployment.
A month after the Mother's day fiasco, she announced to me that she bought a father's day card for us and wanted us kids to sign it and give to my father. She also told us that she put some money in the card and that now we kids (brother and me) owe her for the money.
Lying on my bed and thinking it through after one minute, i decided to announce to her, "well, you'll either have to skip giving the father's day money or you'll have to take it out of my rent money, because i don't have any extra to give. and i don't want to owe you anything!!"
I'm sure it infuriated her which would explain why we no longer talk. And i am glad about that because i have enough crap to sort out and clean up from my childhood with her!! Enough is enough!!
