Interesting Therapy~~~ some insights.

[Izzy_*now*]

Yes PR

After all this time, I fiinally have a 'parent ' to guide me.

All of us have expectations like parents who love and support us and siblings who love and support us. When they don't we feel the disappointment and ought to deal with it.

I told Dr. R that my brother came once to see me that year in the hospital, that one sister came once to see me, that one sister came every week, that the nurse siter came reglarly to the General Hospital for the first 3 months, then I never saw her after I was tranferred to the Rehab hospital for 9 months. Dr. says this is not right at all!!!! I have every right to be disappointed in them.

After 39 years, I have put all of them behind the fence I built for toxic people. I told Dr. R. about this fence and I like it when he makes notes as I know I've said something interesting to him.

Yes, We are allowed to have a good Life! and we can make it good ourselves when we find our "errors in thinking".

What I appreciate with him, is that he can guide me and leave out all Christian messages, biblical references, or he can guide a person who wants Christianity involved.

He also said that no matter what kind of a mess we find ourselves in, we have someone who cares.

Now that might be a messed up wife with a husband who cares, or a messed up me with only God who cares--except for this Board. I haven't told him about this.

Love
Izzy

[Izzy_*now*]

hi Carolyn

Patience is great, but I'd definitely say that man needs you loads more than you need him.
How do you feel about it?

This is true and I think I dealt with my feelings in the long post.

also Beth

And he is doing it in a way that matches YOUR way of thinking

Yes, That is absolutely wonderful!! I can just reel off item after item and he is connecting all these together and I believe he knows me better now, in only 2 visits, than I know myself.

That's what he will tell me and guide me towards.

Love
Izzy

[Izzy_*now*]

To all,

There were two times that I asked Ken to get out of my life, because he was interfering with my dating life! (Ha Ha)

The first time was when Joe came back as a sober drunk and we lived together for another year (after the accident '71-72). I took Joe to the Christmas Party. Remember I am back at work, on crutches, and Ken is still my boss. boy! did Ken get drunk at the party, and all the gals from the Office were eyeballing Joe.

Then he (Joe) accidently caused a fire and burned almost a whole city block. The sub-contractor lost the contract, and Joe lost his job and started to drink again and I asked him to leave.....again! I didn't see Joe until his funeral 7 years later

...and somehow had Ken hanging around again, and if I remember it was because my neighbour, who always talked with Ken, telephoned Ken and told him I had been seeing a big lug of a fellow and he didn't think he was right for me. Well Percy wasn't but he was a date!

Then I told Ken the second time  ('85) and that was it, except for Christmas and Birthdays, and I did tell him about the deaths of my parents in '86 and '94 and he came to the funerals.
Izzy

[Certain Hope]

Shoot... just lost my post.

Anyhow, still following along ,Iz... great stuff.

And I understand about Ken.
And I really feel the tragedy about Joe.

You had a voice through all of that though, Izzy...
I mean, you were able to at least tell these two guys, "No" .... or, "No More".

Strong self-preservation instincts, I guess.
Me, too... when push came to shove.
Thankfully.

Next time, typing my post in Word!!

Love,
Carolyn

[Izzy_*now*]

Thanks Carolyn,

What I need, in re-visiting my life is the validation that I was never all that bad at life--it was everybody I knew

Seriously, you are right, and back then I was 30 through to mid-life. I wouldn't doubt that my guilt took over when I did some standing up for myself, and I would feel I had hurt someone!

In the long run I had deprived my D of a father and Ken was no model to follow, and I think I was scared about what I didn't know but would do anyway? and it turned out okay.

Flying by the seat of my pants!

Love
Izzy

Another healthy-life thing is taking good care of the elimination system to avoid infections and constipation/ toxins in the system.

[Certain Hope]

What I need, in re-visiting my life is the validation that I was never all that bad at life--it was everybody I knew

Yup, sounds good to me, Izzy 

Reminds me of what my mother-in-law has told me... after all this time (60 years) she has discovered that she's really not so odd after all.
Quite a revelation after feeling like a stranger for a lifetime!
No matter what sort of background we have, life is definitely a learn-as-you-go, on-the-job endeavor.... and it takes all kinds.

For me, finally - for the first time in my life - there is a sense of being an integral part of a greater humanity... and not some alien life form! What a difference!!

Oh, Izzy, here are a couple more for the life-stuff list:

Employment for financial support

and

Hobbies/ avocations for the sake of mental/emotional challenge and enjoyment

(Would sure be nice if the two overlapped and employment could offer all the advantages of a hobby, but I guess that's rare.)

And this one you noted is a major challenge for a lot of women, I think:

Another healthy-life thing is taking good care of the elimination system to avoid infections and constipation/ toxins in the system.

M-i-l and I were talking about this, too... and how we used to always wait till the last possible moment to "go"... as though our own bodily functions were the least important matters on earth. Such a basic thing to let lapse... but that's what happens when you feel like "other".

This thread is a regular buffet for thought, Iz... thanks !!


Love,
Carolyn

[Izzy_*now*]

hi Carolyn.

I hope others can see some of the basic knowledge we need and if it is someone like I am then someone else was cheated too.

However, it might appear I have done better than I thought. Thanks

Thanks for 2 more healthy-life contributions

A hobby as my part-time work in Website building is a good example--but I am in retirement now.

Also, about the elimination system: some people know automatically and others don't, but paralysis is murder on the bladder and bowels. They are never the same again and that can really change one's life: the timing, the planning, and it's terrible to always have that on one's mind!

Naturally I got that one first with Dr. R.

I have another handout to post from David Burns' 'Feeling Good'

Yes I think there is a feast here for everyone to pick up a point or two or more!

Love
Izzy

[sKePTiKal]

Izzy - one more for the list, from something my T told me at the beginning of our work:

how to take an emotional *&it.

What she meant was how to feel the emotion... and let it go... and move on.

I think I'm still on the third part of that!! (guess I need to wipe??)  ::

[Hopalong]

Izzy darlin',

SOOOOOOOOOOOO belatedly (forgive?), I want to tell you I am just dazzled by your work and your epiphanies in your therapy.

Heart singing for you,
Hops

[Izzy_*now*]

hiya PR

I've been cogitating on your submission for a healthy life and that raised a question

I wonder if we all had the over 10 things in our lives for a healthy life, that it would make for an emotionally healthy life?

hiya Hops

So nice of you to drop in, albeit belatedly, but I am hoping to provide posts with good results from this man. Two visits and already I feel more validated on smaller issues, as he remarks as I speak.

Love
Izzy

[Izzy_*now*]

Back to expectations!!

The Occupational Therapist amd the Physical Therapist were to be at my  place this morning at 11:00 so I arose at 7:00 am instead of 9:30-10:00.--expectation they will come and bring an ankle weight!

At 10.00 the PT called and cancelled--and I was up and washed and dressed and makeup and hair combed, but still barelegged in a nightgown and blouse. Damn!

So now they are going to come tomorrow in the afternoon, and I have another expectation...... as PT couldn't give me a time.

Why make these appointments if there are more needy people for them to deal with?

I have been up 3 hours and am tired and will go back to bed....likely require 2 more hours sleep, but then I am up at Noon and the day is shot to hell!

Now I am not ALL that mad but the OT will hear it from me tomorrow--insisting that they had only a morning opening for me this day!

Some people just run the whole show because they have what we need. I need an ankle weight that will not wreck my skin!

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (in small letters, note!)

Izzy

[sKePTiKal]

Your question - if we'd had those 10+ things growing up - if they'd make a difference in us now has more than one answer, I think.

One answer is that sure! if we had different parents, different experiences, we'd HAVE to be different now. That's the logical answer (as I pat my pointy ears...)

My own peculiar spiritual belief about this though, is that pre-conception, we CHOSE our parents and the situation we were born into because we needed to work on and transform something about our own spirits. That's the free will side, I guess. I believe free will co-exists simulataneously with fate (and yeah, I took a lot of grief from a college prof about this...). So, as "fate would have it" the actual details of that FOO... what we had; what we did without; the specifics of what we suffered... were more out of our control. Think of the saying "careful what you wish for"... and that sort of gives the idea of how my theory works. This is the YES and NO answer.

In your story; in mine; there are split-seconds of time, that if only 1 thing were different - the results of the story themselves would be radically changed, I think.

But, if I'd had a family that provided security, validation, praise for achievements - would I have been more resilient? Maybe. I don't think I was an emotionally needy child. Not clingy. But then, I didn't enjoy - and wasn't allowed to hang around my mom much anyway. I gleaned what I could in other places - but it wasn't enough to undo the damage that had already been done... even prior to the trauma. It was my neighbor Ruth, who gave me the only birthday party I ever had, when I turned 10. About 2 years later - it was too late for her to help anymore.

It would make an interesting Twilight Zone episode, wouldn't it? altering one or two things and changing the outcome...having alternate endings... "see if you can find the difference in these two pictures"... maybe in another parallel universe I DO have all those things that were missing; the trauma never happened; and I'm living a complete, fulfilled life... and if only I can find the mirror to step into... to trade places with that person - that alter-me...

I read too much sci-fi for too many years.

[lighter]

::closing mouth::

This is incredible work, Izzy.

What a blessing to find a T you connect with.

Lighter

[Izzy_*now*]

hi PR,  hi lighter,

Thank you. Sci-Fi--well it could be!!

My next visit is tomorrow. I have 2 hours this time. I had my homework done and was checking today, because I felt 'uinhappy' about my wording etc. before printing. We are allowed 6-8 pages. I had only 3. How could anyone write EIGHT?

OMG! I stopped at age 17. I had to write, today!! about the rest of the crap [52 years] and now I have EIGHT pages, just printed. Hot off the press! and I had to cut the N short but my wording went well.

The whole story is pathetic and sometimes funny, in retrospect. We have a lot of mountains here, and passes especially buit to shorten the trip: Rogers Pass. Kootenay Pass, The Coquihilla and there are thousands of Donot Passes. I don't know who Mr. Donot is, but I guess he was famous. Not in Google though.

Battery chairs hit the $6.000.00 mark
Pic of one: used $1600.00: e-mailed it to Therapist.

Love
Izzy

[lighter]

8 pages......

::nodding::

That's respectable, lol.

As for the motorized chair..... it looks very trim and comfy.

Light
ps... tell us how your appt went.