I hear you judging yourself very harshly. That is so odd. I don't hear it at all but I know you are right. I do hear it in other's voices that I have taken in but I am certain that I do it too myself as well. Really there is no difference because once I internalized other's critical voices they became MINE. I am keeping them there in my own little mind. Thanks for that insight.
I am definitely on a crusade to conquer that self-condemnation and to let other's role off my back.
We just need patience, faith. You are on the right track, know that it will come when you are ready for it and that will be whenever you are ready for it. Believe in yourself & love yourself.
You are so right. The negative stuff actually holds me back. Thank you for pointing this out. I am definitely at a place where I can focus on what I am doing right.
For a couple of months I have been aware of the "shift" that I can make - sort of like flipping a switch - to toggle between "victim" and "moving forward". This appearance and disappearance of this switch depends on whether I am "conscious" of it or not. I am doing much better at keeping this option in a conscious place. Your post here helps me shift some more things.
Yes, you have grown by leaps & bounds, you are not the person you were, you are a different person, a new person. Thank you. Your words are a gift of immeasurable strength and encouragement. I am much more able to take this in and own it. Believing this makes it possible for me to make yet another step forward up out of the pit of self-hatred and self-doubt and self-condemnation that I was dwelling in when I first came here. Thanks again.
The fact that our FOO failed to give us the support we needed was CRAZY MAKING. So,our FOOS made us feel shame for wanting support and then made us feel crazy when they didn't give the support we needed.
There is no doubt about that. I remember a dear and actually helpful therapist (with a national reputation) once said to me, "Perhaps you need too much." I can still feel the shock and hopelessness I felt when he said that. I saw it as a truth - that I needed too much. My reaction was, "What now - what can I possibly do if I need too much." Not a very therapeutic statement by him. That's for sure.
Oh, SS, you sound great, you're growin like mid-summer grass. Thanks Ann. Your comments have pushed me in a very good direction. They are a boost just at the right time. I have been a little blind to my own self-judgment but you have shone a light on some of it. They have been holding me back and now that I am aware of my own judgment I can replace it with thoughts that will propell me forward.
I am making great progress and getting such help from my friends here.
CB Thanks!
I just wanted you to know that I am being so encouraged by this thread and all the insights you are reaching. I have wanted to get involved in the discussion because what you are discovering is so similar to what I struggled through. I really appreciate your words. I am at a point where I am about to let go of my fear of feeling good about myself. My father so successfully taught me to NOT feel good about "progress". He could really destroy any self-esteem that I took in working towards a goal by pointing out all the mistakes and flaws and shortcomings. THAT is what has stayed with me. But that made getting to success absolutely impossible.
I will never forget the first time I heard the concept the outcome was not what was important but the journey along the way. I argued with myself about this and was so aware of how this ran completely contradictory to what I had been taught. I could see the point that if we devalued the journey that we would be devaluing much of life but I couldn't make the transition. NOW my life actually depends on valuing the journey - each step along the way and letting go of the outcome. Not because it doesn't matter but because the steps along the way are critical to the ultimate achievement. IOW, if I don't values the steps I will never get to the end.
I have this quiet yet powerful voice criticizing me each step along every path, "not enough, not enough, not good enough" it whispers. Well NOW I am talking back - loudly, "YES IT IS! YES IT IS! YES IT IS." That will certainly help.
Thanks so much.