Philosophically speaking, I think the buddha was correct: Desire is the cause of all suffering. (And attachment, in the psychological sense, can usually be boiled down to desire.)
Replaying the old wounds is useful only in the sense that we can see with adult eyes what we couldn't understand as children. Then, as now, I believe the suffering from those wounds is caused by desiring what is impossible: that our parents be normal, loving; decent human beings and able to see us as we are and love us anyway. When it's finally possible to accept that impossibility - to feel in our hearts that it's unchangeable by us - then we can begin loosening the the internal "commands" that cause us difficulty, pain, paralysis - that are really just our desire beating it's head on the same old brick wall.
Commands like changing who we are, in hopes of getting that pat on the head, the hug, patience as we slowly try to master new skills, without criticism.
Commands like beating ourselves up emotionally, in the desperate hope that maybe THIS is what the parent wants... and THIS is what will finally achieve the desire we seek.
Ya know, I was a compulsive, voracious reader from the time I was 5 or 6. I read way above my supposed grade level, from the start. I taught myself how to build a house by reading construction manuals. But about 5 years ago, I simply stopped reading. I had no explanation or reasons for it. I've read maybe a dozen books in this phase. The only comparison I've got is art work. As a student, you look at many, many different kinds of art - immersing yourself in various historical styles, modern work, all of it - and this is encouraged by art schools. Supposedly you're "educating" your eye. But what I found, is that one tends to mimic, appropriate, unconsciously imitate what others have created before you. So I stopped looking at art, except for the need to see what kinds of art are being marketed - and sold.
I wanted to create art that was different, unique - more ME - and less susceptible to those unconscious leanings toward meeting what appeared to be the "criteria" for what "serious" art was.
Books are art that communicate ideas and experiences. I think I stopped reading, because like with the art - I wanted to find out what MY ideas and experience was; what was unique to me - without the clutter of other people's ideas, experiences & opinions. Guess therapy was a real logical choice to begin that, huh? I'm not dissing the value of reading & collecting wisdom, clues, and understanding from books - I've benefited too much from them to not value reading.
Just wanted to make the point, that I found it was more important for me - to finally let other people's ideas, wisdom & experience go for a bit - and spend the time figuring out what MINE were. That is the technique I used - getting to know myself - all of myself - a lot better.
