HOw to

[Lupita]

Guess you hit the neil. The secret is joy.

But joy comes from inside.

Not from outside.

Nobody can give you joy.

[Hopalong]

Dear CB,
I know I have and occasionally still am dealing with this too, and I know how much it hurt:

the sense of entitlement that they have displayed and the guilt-producing (in me!) disappointment that I am not the endlessly giving mommy

And had I known then what I know now...bygones, hindsight, too soon old too late smart!

What I know now, I mean, is that endlessly giving mommy = entitlement in child

Oops. Well, what the hey. My D is leanring too, and not liking it much (as in, I expect you to pay me back when you have money the money I gave you when you were up against the wall and gave me no notice).

I am very sorry. I know how much it has hurt me at times and I can't imagine that feeling x 6.

May love and appreciation from all your children soon return to you sixfold. I believe in one way or another, at different times from different ones, it will.

Much love,
Hops

[Ami]

The concept of what needs we  meet  is an interesting one.
 In my relationship,  I feel best when I feel that sense of self and at the same time am open in a childlike way with him.
 I am seeing that my first love must be me. The  first person to honor and  love and must be me.
 When he and I love ourselves more, it spills over  to each other and feels safe.
 The Bible says that we should not "oppose" ourselves. I have done that since my early years.
 It was a forced defensive posture so I could live with the grief of my life.
 I see the grief now so am letting that posture go.
    Ami

[Lupita]

CB hope that you read post 76 and tell me if you like all that.

This conversation is becoming very intersting to me!!!!

I am learning here from you guys so much!!!! All of you!

I appreciate his company and his presence. I am learning humblness from him. I am learning to be more thankful of God and of life for all the things that I have instead fo being sad for the things I do not have.

He irritates me a lot. He wants to sepnd too much time with me. He behaves like a child sometimes. But must of it, I am learning about my self. Because he mirrors me, I see what I do in video, in front of me, and I do not like it. I know that I am full of problems but with work, I will improve and be a better person.

So, i will ust enjoy the now, the present, and detach from whatever the results are.
 At least, that is what I will try to do.

Just try to enjoy.

[Lupita]

Back to what we were talking about needs, for the first time, I disagree with my beloved CB.

I still believe that we need supply when babies, but when adults we should depend on our selves.

Deoending on other people is built castles on the sand and will set our selves for disappointment constantly,.

All meditation teachers advise for detachment, give up the hope for aproval, give up the hope for acceptance, and love what ism whatever it is, because when you are in A and want to be in B is when you get axiety, and stress. Have you seen a flower with anxiety or a frog with stress disorder?

I am just repeating what Ekart toly says in the POwer of now, or howver is is spelled.

I find it very interesting and it has made me not happy but more content.

You need to kill the disire for other people, just accept what is and love what is. Not have what you like but like what you have.

I mean, reasonably, if you are being abused you need to get out of it. But I mean you know what I mean.

Anyway, jus wanted to say that.

Dear CB, all my love to you.

[Ami]

I had a period in life when I met my own needs and I was happy.        Ami

[Lupita]

Thank you for answering my quetions. It is a lot of fun reading your answers. It is amazing that you have food in common. Food is a  huge part or latin culture. Food is so important to share same tastes.

W sweated with a picante beens I gave him and he was red and I called him P**zy and he got very much offended. I promissed not to call him that again. Yesterday we were in our seven mile walk adn he said that he needed to take thre trully because it was too cold, and I said miou, miou, kiddy, kiddy, kiddy kiddy??????/ And he got so mad.

I think it was fun.

But he wants to spend too much time with me and that makes me feel uncomfortable. But if I tell him he will get his fullfilled self prophesy of "Nobody wants me around" but he never asks him self why nobody wants him around becasue he does not give a chance to be wanted. How can I miss him if he does not give me chance to miss him?

Anyway, that is just one of the problems, easy to solve, as soon as I take responsibility and tell him what to do. I hate to tell him what to do. I want him to guess that I need time on my own.

I do not know.

He has made good friends with the guards in my gated building. I hate that. They let him in whenever he comes even if I did not signe the papers for his entrance.

Yesterday he made a comment that the guards told him that he is here so often that he needs to have a sticker ofr his car. I am thinking that if he gets to get a clandestine sticker just to come here wheneve he wants he will be dead meat with me.

Anyway, that is it.

He is a slow learner. But he is learning. Little by little. He has no boundaries and I am teaching him. I told him, "everytime you cross my boundaries you push me away"
He said, tell me everytime, I do not realize I do it.
I believe him because it has happened to me all my life that I do not understand why people get mad at me and I consider my self dislexic for human behavior. So, I believe him when he sais that he does nto know.

I do believe that he was emotionally abused by his father and probably by his mother too. That is why he has no self esteem. I think we can help each other. I am going to try.

Detach from outcome is the most imporantan and enjoy the present.