Hi Tay,
I’m not around much anymore, but I drop in now and again and this is quite some hours after reading your thread.
Your relationship is not working, from what I ‘hear/see’, and never will, unless some severe changes are made. Why all the dogs? and why is she making you, the breadwinner, so responsible for everything? Please don’t fall for the pathetic, “You are gonna leave me”, “I am awaiting the drop of the blade” stuff! Insecurity. She requires therapy to overcome that.
I believe you to be the stronger person, but you are being ‘played’ with her neediness. My feeling is that in no way is H a parent to your son. no rights or sensibility whatsoever. You are the parent regardless, and it is your life with Michael that is the most important.
I am really reminded of my relationship with my daughter’s father, living together, not married, while he drank, beat me, but made the $$$ to support us. I was given exactly what I needed to run the household, and no more., and I ran it well.
He never even had a bank account. The rest of his cheque….I have no idea,….but I kicked him out when I feared he might begin to strike our daughter, and realized he would not stop drinking for anyone…not even the two of us who he professed to love.
When I left I had some $$$ from selling my furniture and I spent $350 on an ‘60 VW beetle, then drove with a brand new license, 500 miles to my parents’ place, even though they were not my favourite people, but stayed there until I found a job and a place to house D and me with a good sitter for her.
A bit opposite but as much as I thought I still loved him, I left and took D.
Our life styles are not the same and I was the one without a job and $$. He was well-employed, but D and I came first, even before I realized it, as sincerely as I now do. That was ‘66 and now it’s ‘08--42 years ago.
I am picking up that H is doing what makes you take on the feelings of insecurity, and she is the one who is insecure.
I cannot remember, how long this relationship has been in effect, but if I remember correctly, it was a bit on the quick side???? and that she was the needy one who pursued the getting together. Was she looking for financial security as well as emotional? I feel she is in no way pulling her weight, is pathetic and is, also somewhat if not entirely, an N.
I have learned so much while being here and am reframing all incidents in my life in a different manner, and have realized that likely my parents and 4 siblings were never the deep thinkers that I am, so therefore I can see that I might have been ‘top dog’/”the one envied?” in the family, while the others have been no help and are living with repressed memories, plus guilt for making me the scapegoat. They will not be open with me, and my parents, both dead, were never open either.
Listen to yourself and to your friends and
Good Luck
Izzy
