hi Lupita
Has this man ever been married? Have children? Have a family of any kind?
He sounds like a control freak to me. He wants things his way, and in a way appears desperate to not change, nor to listen to you.
It is up to you to point out his behaviour to him and see if he can calm it down.
I’ve mentioned Ken here, who is like this man ‘of yours’. He does not listen and still continues with his previous behaviour. Ken, after all these years (41) is still Ken, a bachelor and just turned 80.
He was my superior at work and that was it until I was in the car accident. Then he began visiting me in hospital, came twice a week bringing gifts and once a week he sent cut flowers. In less then 3 months he was signing the cards “Love Ken” I called him on that and he had nothing to say, but I thought I had made it clear. (I hadn't)
He picked me up at the hospital when I was released after a year, drove me home and said, after my D went to bed, ”You used to be able to have any man you want, but now you can’t but I still want you” He proceeded to try to have sex with me, as though that would bring me around. No! I didn’t and I lost some respect for him them
Do you respect this man at all?
Just today I received a Xmas parcel from Ken, and as usual he sent me 2 hard cover books and a big box of chocolates. The authors are Stephen King and Dean Koontz. Now I did go through a King period of his stories of gore and horror, no holds barred. Then I switched to Koontz, as he is a better writer and his horror, has a happy ending, so to speak.
People change over the years and I am now into mystery novels, paperback as they are easier to hold, as I read in bed. I have told Ken this, and no more hard covers, wait for the paperback, and that I was now away from King and Koontz. (I still have a Koontz unread that is under my monitor with a phone book for more height.)
See? He doesn’t listen. 'Your guy' is not listening!
I told Ken once to stop coming to see me as he was interfering with my love life! (Ha Ha…what love life…but he was consuming all my time) He used to bring whiskey and we’d have drinks and watch TV. We never had a serious conversation really, so another time I told him to stay away, as I was drinking too much because of him (ha ha.. any excuse)
Then when my D’s father died in 1979, Ken proposed marriage to me. Said he waited until Joe was dead to ask me. OMG
Can you imagine the thinking?
At least I live 2000 miles away from him, now, but he telephones. I can see it is him and I don’t answer. He never leaves a message, just listens to my message , wait’s a couple of seconds, then slams down the receiver. I laugh!
I am expecting he will call over Xmas and I hope to be able to not answer. anyway, I am going to send him a note and tell him again about his choosing my reading material for me when I have moved on from horror to Mystery, but maybe he doesn’t know the difference.
Does ‘your man’ have a lot of money?
Ken does and I expect he has remembered my daughter and grandchildren in his Will. I could spoil that for her if I become too ‘obnoxious’ with him, but she just thinks of him as a lonely old man who need company. and my granddaughter has written letters to him.
For this Xmas gift, he finally signed “from Ken” instead of “Love Ken”..
If he doesn’t realize it, I believe he was trying to make me so beholden to him that I would do anything for him. I won’t.
We must be careful about what we do with people like this. I always wanted to spend my Xmas with my D, when she was little and growing. Some people think that is foolish, well he did anyway, that we ought to be with other people, but she had to leave her toys behind and go away when one Xmas he persuaded me to go to his family’s home for Xmas. Big Mistake. He has a niece the age of my D and they got on well, and then it became a habit that I hated.
This is were assertiveness comes in. We must know what we want, what we don’t want, say it, and stick to it.
Perhaps someone else will have better ideas, but I could use only my experience with Ken and the fact that he has almost made me ‘hate’ him, but for the most part I think he is pathetic.
Once he took my dog for a walk at 11:00 pm and it was cold. I said to be sure to keep him on the leash. He didn’t and Jedi had a tangle with a skunk. I said, “Take him to your place and bathe him. I cannot clean the bathroom after a dog has been bathed in the tub, and don’t bring him home wet”. I handed him 2 tins of V-8 juice. He finally called to say Jedi was dry and was bringing him back. I said, “Remember the leash”. No leash! Jedi jumped from the car and again tangled with a skunk, maybe same one. This time Ken bathed him at my place and cleaned the whole bathroom.
Does any of this sound familiar, as far as ‘your man’s' lack of acknowledgement of what YOU want?
Ken ‘puts down’ computers, saying he wouldn’t have one in the house, but it’s likely just because I know computers and he doesn’t that he denigrates them….something I know that he doesn’t.
(I'm partway through the chocolates--fewer in box than I expected--it's the "too much packaging thing'.)
xx
Izzy
