Finding your passion...

[Sealynx]

I recently bought a kayak because I have always thought it would be fun to paddle around in the waves. Mine is a sit on top kayak which is self bailing and unsinkable, so I don't have to worry about the learning curve associated with "rolling" the boat and then removing the water. I can just have FUN. Not only is/was my mother terrified of water, but she hated anything that required practice toward mastery. She always had a way of interrupting my attempts to get good at anything. I'm wondering what you guys have done to "break the rules" since you've reach adulthood. Have any of you discovered/rediscovered passions as adults??
S

[barefootwriter]

When I was a teenager, I read about the martial art aikido and was fascinated. I took aikido when I went away to college, and have trained in various martial arts off and on since.

You'll note that my first and ongoing exposure occurred only after I moved out. Oddly enough, being away from my father and training in such a discipline resolved his complaints with both my posture and my clumsiness. Who can be graceful and coordinated and rise to full height under such intense scrutiny? I have no idea.

[Ami]

I recently bought a kayak because I have always thought it would be fun to paddle around in the waves. Mine is a sit on top kayak which is self bailing and unsinkable, so I don't have to worry about the learning curve associated with "rolling" the boat and then removing the water. I can just have FUN. Not only is/was my mother terrified of water, but she hated anything that required practice toward mastery. She always had a way of interrupting my attempts to get good at anything. I'm wondering what you guys have done to "break the rules" since you've reach adulthood. Have any of you discovered/rediscovered passions as adults??
S

 This is such a great question, Sealynx.
  It highlights how the NM did NOT want you to excel or only in the areas she deemed  OK.
   I have some areas in my life that I have good self esteem in. Others I am a wreak
  I have good self esteem and  boundaries about my body. I have never been pushed by a man in to places i did not want to go. My GM taught me to be a "lady" and I always had confidence in myself in this area.
 My M left my mind alone as far as studying . She left me alone as far as creativity  BUT she razed me to the ground in thinking I was BAD for having emotions and thoughts which were not perfect.
 That is the fight I am in now. Am I BAD when I think selfish ,ego centric, petty. gossipy etc thoughts? I still think I am but it is getting better little by little.
  I am doing things I always wanted to do such as music and studying Spanish but my M always allowed me to pursue things like that.   I am glad you and the other friends from the  website are here                       Ami
 

[Twoapenny]

Hi Sealynx,

I love to think of you out on your kayak with a big grin on your face    At this time in my life I have to say my big passion is my son.  Through him I am learning how to play, how to bake, how to enjoy walking in the woods and reading fairy tales.   I love the way he is fascinated by tiny things that I never even used to notice: ladybirds, ants, moths, those kind of things.  I always felt like me and my sister were in the way when we were growing up and I find it hard to remember what being a child is all about - I don't remember being a kid really.  I've yet to discover a passion of my own yet, as such, but I think it will come in time.  At the minute I'm happy baking and finger painting.  I'm also passionate about time.  I remember as a child everyone was always too busy to spend time with us and so many of my friends spend all their time rushing their children from school to clubs to playdates and so on.  I love being able to spend two hours wandering down to the village and then just spending the afternoon at the park playing in the sandpit or just going out on the bus simply because he enjoys bus rides.  It's nice to be able to have him help choose the groceries and then having time to go to the cafe afterwards and getting him a treat.  They're simple things but they're my passions at this point in my life.

[Sealynx]

Barefootwriter,
I was interested in martial arts and like you was never offered the chance to take them. In college I found a free course but the teacher was this young guy who seemed to love lording over a class of women. I felt like he had little interest in seeing us really nail that punch and those who did earn his praise were the cute, whimpy types. I later took Tai Chi with a "real" teacher but after years of not playing any sports my coordination just wasn't there. I also have something called mixed dominance so I tend to move a little differently than most folks anyway.

Ami,
Our house was a lot like Area 51. Things had a habit of just disappearing with no explanation and you never knew what would happen next. I remember that I was allowed to join the band and they bought me a trombone. My mother started complaining that I would break my front teeth if I continued to play it and over the summer it just "poof" disappeared. I'm sure the real reason was that it required her to pick me up after band practice since that meant missing the bus.

Before we moved to a small town when I was 12, I had music, dance and art lessons. It is interesting to note that I never asked for any of these things. My mother would join a club and find out where the people she wanted to know had enrolled thier kids and the next thing you know I'd be brought in for lessons. Some of them I enjoyed, others like dance (she had wanted to be a professional dancer) were administered by people as narcissistic as she was. I remember being really glad when a tree fell on my dance teachers studio and gave me a few weeks off. It had a wonderful "Wizard of Oz" style justice to it!!

Hi Twoapenny,
I know what you mean about time. Everything for them was an emergency, so there was no rational way of deciding when the next emergency might arise. I think fingerpainting could become a passion. You could do an entire show in fingerpaint discribing the childhood you never had!! Its a shame we can't all meet once a year and do workshops for each other. I would very much enjoy taking your fingerpainting workshop.


S

[BonesMS]

I'm still exploring and discovering my passions.

One of the things I've come to enjoy is baking bread in my bread machine!    It smells SO GOOD!!!!!

NWomb-Donor SELDOM allowed me in HER kitchen because she HATED MESSES!!!!  Bake bread?!?!?!?  In HER kitchen?!?!?!?!  FORGET IT!!!!!!  She REFUSED to cook from scratch!  Why should she bake bread when it was easier to get it from the store?  Why should she cook fresh peas, corn, or can fresh fruit when it was EASIER to get it from the store?  

I don't pretend to be a good cook.  I still make a LOT of mistakes and messes but, to me, it's a FUN learning process!!!!  It makes me feel like a little kid again and giving my Inner Child permission to be as MESSY as she wants to be!!!!!  

Bones

[Sealynx]

Hi Bones,
Mine was like that too.   At one time my mother was a good cook, but she had no interest in teaching or sharing skills with someone who might do it "wrong." She also loved to cover furniture in velvet because she thought it made her seem rich. Of course you couldn't sit on the chairs unless you'd just had a bath and running on her precious gold carpet was a sin because you might wear a path. In addition, she painted all the walls white to make sure that fingerprints would have no choice but to show.

My father didn't mind of followed him around but had no idea that he was supposed to teach you things. He would allow me to do things and then get mad because I didn't already know how to do them. Some of them were dangerous. The idea of learning new things became frightening because I had so many failures at their hands.

I remember one pivotal moment. He had decided to "teach" a friend of the family how to play bridge. She was sitting at the table with him and the couple next door. She played a hand wrong and he blew up at her. Seeing her cringe and the look of fear was a big ah-ha for me!   At least with the kayak I can paddle off down a gentle stream and learn at my own pace.
S

[BonesMS]

Hi Bones,
Mine was like that too.   At one time my mother was a good cook, but she had no interest in teaching or sharing skills with someone who might do it "wrong." She also loved to cover furniture in velvet because she thought it made her seem rich. Of course you couldn't sit on the chairs unless you'd just had a bath and running on her precious gold carpet was a sin because you might wear a path. In addition, she painted all the walls white to make sure that fingerprints would have no choice but to show.

My father didn't mind of followed him around but had no idea that he was supposed to teach you things. He would allow me to do things and then get mad because I didn't already know how to do them. Some of them were dangerous. The idea of learning new things became frightening because I had so many failures at their hands.

I remember one pivotal moment. He had decided to "teach" a friend of the family how to play bridge. She was sitting at the table with him and the couple next door. She played a hand wrong and he blew up at her. Seeing her cringe and the look of fear was a big ah-ha for me!   At least with the kayak I can paddle off down a gentle stream and learn at my own pace.
S

Exactly!!!!

I can relate!!!!

BTW, I have to find Dr. McBride's e-mail address.  Somehow, D managed to get back on the other board and is starting up her shenanigans AGAIN!!!!!  Typical N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

Bones

[Sealynx]

I am afraid that McBride let her back on the board because DANA trashed her book in a review on AMAZON. Go to the hardcover of the book and read the only one star review. She totally trashes the book and the forum. Please tell anyone you know who has an amazon account to add a negative vote on the review. McBrides book is helpful.

[BonesMS]

I'll do that!

In the meantime, I found Dr. McBride's e-mail addy and sent her a message!

Bones

[barefootwriter]

Sealynx,

Your story about being taught to do things hit home with me. When I was maybe 12 or 13, my father made me drive the car (he controlled the pedals and I steered) for half an hour or an hour down the highway. It scared me to death and I was sobbing.

Later, he mocked me for not wanting my independence and learning to drive as a teenager. It took me a long time to get over the fear, and in the end I paid an instructor to teach me.

[Sealynx]

Hi Barefootwriter,
 Thank God they offered drivers ed at school or I'd be trying to ride my bike with a kayak on my head. When I look back at my adolescence I realize that I was literally have a nervous breakdown and no one ever noticed. I was so stressed that my jaw began to lock up for no reason. I remember biting into a donut once and finding I could neither chew or open my mouth. Luckily I managed to breath through my nose until the attack ended.
S

[BonesMS]

I recently bought a kayak because I have always thought it would be fun to paddle around in the waves. Mine is a sit on top kayak which is self bailing and unsinkable, so I don't have to worry about the learning curve associated with "rolling" the boat and then removing the water. I can just have FUN. Not only is/was my mother terrified of water, but she hated anything that required practice toward mastery. She always had a way of interrupting my attempts to get good at anything. I'm wondering what you guys have done to "break the rules" since you've reach adulthood. Have any of you discovered/rediscovered passions as adults??
S

I recently started reading a book I borrowed from the library:  "Retire -- And Start Your Own Business-5 Steps to Success" by Dennis J. Sargent and Martha S. Sargent.  In Chapter One, there are a series of exercises:  "What Interests You? Jumpstart Your Thinking", which lists several interests that you can circle, (don't worry about circling a lot), "If You Could Do Anything", (which I'm still working on), "Your Key Interests", (based on what you circled in "What Interests You?"), and so on.  I haven't finished reading Chapter One so I may find more exercises that I don't know about yet.

Something to think about.

Bones

P.S.  One of the things that the book listed, that I circled, is:  "Panning for Gold".  I'd like to try that someday!

[Ami]

I'm still exploring and discovering my passions.

One of the things I've come to enjoy is baking bread in my bread machine!     It smells SO GOOD!!!!!

NWomb-Donor SELDOM allowed me in HER kitchen because she HATED MESSES!!!!  Bake bread?!?!?!?  In HER kitchen?!?!?!?!  FORGET IT!!!!!!  She REFUSED to cook from scratch!  Why should she bake bread when it was easier to get it from the store?  Why should she cook fresh peas, corn, or can fresh fruit when it was EASIER to get it from the store? 

I don't pretend to be a good cook.  I still make a LOT of mistakes and messes but, to me, it's a FUN learning process!!!!  It makes me feel like a little kid again and giving my Inner Child permission to be as MESSY as she wants to be!!!!!   

Bones

I love to think of you baking bread ,Bones. What are your favorite kinds to make?                               Ami

[English]

  I was so stressed that my jaw began to lock up for no reason.
S

Sealynx
That happened to me when I was 12.  I couldn't eat and my jaw clicked painfully when it would open.  All I know is my parents stopped drinking around that time and it got better. 

Regarding passions:  I've recently started doing stained glass and LOVE it.  But tapes in my head say I have to know how to do everything right the first time and not make mistakes, so it can be frustrating because I just started and am learning.

Bones
When the weather starts cooling down, you've put me in the mood to bake some bread.  I can smell your bread...mmmmmmmmmmm.