Blackie/Whitie

[Ami]

I keep trying to explain what a girl did to Whitie and then it gets too complicated and I stop. Maybe, I could give a loose explanation cuz it has to do with the primal nature.
  D clawed her way out of bad circumstances and  has a side which is vindictive. Whitie  was never on the receiving end. Whitie asked D something.it was a question that would have given Whitie peace and meant nothing to D.
 D  blew herself up like a blowfish and attacked Whitie.
  

[Ami]

Whitie wants to learn so she stepped back to assess the situation. D let her primal nature out.
Whitie learned from it and was actually glad it happened.
You can learn more from the bad times than the good if you can process them right.

[Ami]

The best part was that Whitie struck back .Whitie stood up for herself in a strong way. Whitie does not start fights but needs to know she can fight back.

Mother made Whitie feel guilty for WANTING to have boundaries and defend them. That was the main way Mother destroyed Whitie. If people hurt Whitie, she could not defend herself. She had to take it cuz she was BAD. She deserved it. Mother made her impotent in life so Mother could abuse her as much as Mother wanted. Mother made her a perfect abused person--no voice, no hands to fight.

That was the reason Whitie's life went down in a nutshell.

[Ami]

Whitie is just starting to SEE. She can look at something and see it for itself, not for what SHE made it do or be. IOW, events happen on their own.
 I know this sounds whacked cuz it is. It must be early childhood thinking.
 It is hard to come out of being frozen but Whitie was frozen cuz Mother was scary as Hell.

[Ami]

Whitie has gone through so many changes.
Coming out of numb is  hard like climbing out of a vat of split pea soup. You slide down the sides of the pan. Only after you try a hundred times do you get an inch of traction.

[Ami]

 You take that traction,look around and try to absorb what you learned. Then, more traction and the process continues. Whitie thinks that she may just give up, jump in the soup and be done .

[Ami]

All problems seem to come down to BAD/GOOD. Is this the eternal struggle for the abused child? Am I bad,bad, bad?
Whitie has always been able to look normal . People think she is fine but down deep is the abused child stuffed inside like a woman  in tight clothing.
 It is grotesque .
 People don't get it .

 

 

[Ami]

For all the abused children out there  I say a prayer. May you find who you are way down deep and know that God made you and everything He made is good. Amen.

[Portia]

Amiiiiiii
God made me an atheist. What do I know?
 Whitie thinks that she may just give up, jump in the soup and be done . Oh she can think that, but she can't do that, i don't think. Can you unknow what you know? (self-inflicted bang onthe head?)
Bad/good........................no/yes   on/off ....maybe, possibly, perhaps, both at once. I was reading about E-Prime recently and could see a benefit! Was Lucifer all bad? Maybe I shouldn't ask that one. Oh now I'm having a conversation about what was that Rolling Stones film called, the one from way back, with John and Yoko in it... may have to resort to the big G...something circus?..  Keep at it girl!  x

PS Rock and roll circus. "Just as every cop is a criminal and all the sinners, Saints".

[Ami]

Hi (((Portia))))
Thanks for your comments. I love them!   x o x Ami

[Ami]

Whitie's stomach hurts--days and days. Her stomach feels for her. It goes out with tentacles and examine situations . It takes the pain and anger for Whitie who stays behind.
 Whitie is not too skinny now  like the old days. You have to be careful when your stomach starts doing what your head should.

[Ami]

I think it is about simple protection of the self. How it comes so easily to some.People who know they are worth protecting, so effortlessly.
 Whitie used to protect herself so long ago.
 It was so long ago that it feels like a past life.

[Ami]

How to abuse someone? Take away their reality. Replace it with yours. Skew them so badly they can never come back. Then, they are yours like some drone, android.
That is Whtie's story in two sentences.


How to get back??? How???

Carl Jungs quote below----Listen within. Listen under the Bad.

[Ami]

Whitie is coming out of shock .Whitie was in some nether land. Whitie  did not know how to scream so anyone could help.  Her body screamed with sickness. Her mind screamed with emotions gone awry.
  "Help me. Will someone help me?" It was like Kitty Genovese. She died with a crowd  present. No one could hear  or no one cared.
  One or the other.

[Ami]

Have you ever been frozen with "bad". It creeps on you or can come suddenly. I am letting it stay. I am looking. This is who you are --I say.
 It is you from whom I have been running . Sit on my shoulder and stay awhile.
 What can you really do anyway?