Hi CB,
I do know about the 'shoulds' and 'oughts'. I was guided by them for so long. The last batch, the 7 years with my mom and the accompanying emotional turmoil plus the last year of grief over her death just about did me in. Strangely, because I'd lost myself in that shuffle and not made any plans for me past her lifespan, I was stopped in my tracks with no plans and no energy to make any when she died. It was a year before I budged. But something good came of it. I went from 'being' with no plans to being someone who knows the value of living in the now. That year of having no plans taught me that I could live in the now and that the world wouldn't stop. I'd have never learned the lesson any other way, most likely. Previously, in my active business life, I was the girl who could pretty much tell you what I'd be doing and where I'd be doing it a year down the road. Now, I have little use for a calendar, and few deadlines. The thing I know I must focus on is recovering my physical health. My other priority is building healthy relationships with family and friends. I have no troubled relationships now except with my sister. Before my mom passed away, I promised myself that when she did, NC would be the rule with my sister and it has been. I'm not even sure it counts as a relationship anymore. No doubt about it though, the 'shoulds' and 'oughts' of the past have hindered me in some of the things I'd hoped to accomplish. That's OK though, I have NOW!
tt