Hi P,
I think talking about things, analysing them and pondering meanings helps if it moves you forward, shapes your thinking and helps you cope with things that are/have affected you negatively. I think endlessly talking about things without furthering your own understanding of the issues and doing something about them is paralysing and very unhealthy.
For example: I have a male friend who, for six years now, has been in a very unhappy relationship. He had a child with a woman who he now feels just used him because he had plenty of cash and that he was her last chance for having a baby (she was an older mum and had been single for a long time). He gave up a lot for her and she has treated him badly and he has really lost out - the benefit is that he has a beautiful daughter when he had always thought he'd never have children. His situation is very sad and I can understand completely that he feels used and that he has been tricked, in some way. But..........................he literally delivers the same information about his situation every time I see him. He complains bitterly, goes through every example of how badly she's treated him, what he's lost, what he gave up, how it's too difficult to start again and so on. In six years, he has taken absolutely no action about the situation and the two of them continue to exist in a very miserable relationship that neither of them gets anything positive from, other than their daughter, who has actually said she wishes they'd live apart because they argue so much. To me, he is someone that talks about things incessantly but does nothing, and so this is damaging.
Someone who talks through and thinks about their problems and then uses that to make changes, whether physical, practical, emotional or financial, is someone who is going about things the right way. I feel like I have blockages throughout my system. I find myself making the same mistakes, in the same situations, with the same worries, and I talk, think and analyse my way through it. It can take a few minutes or a few years, but for some reason, once that 'lightbulb' moment comes the blockage shifts. I can't really explain it, but only yesterday I suddenly realised the reason I feel so uncomfortable around drunk people is because I spent my whole childhood cringing at my parents drunken behaviour and trying to cover up what they did so other people didn't realise. I remember being out with my mum one weekend afternoon and bumping into a lady she used to work for. My mum was so drunk she struggled to get her words out and I felt so ashamed and humiliated that my mum was in such a state, in public, at five o'clock on a Sunday afternoon. Why this had never occured to me before I don't know, but as I realised it something inside popped and it suddenly stopped being an issue; I feel like I can giggle at drunk people being silly now rather than feeling ashamed and responsible for their behaviour.
I've gone off on a tangent a little bit (sorry!). But I think it depends entirely on what you do with whatever it is your analysis brings up. I've had times where I haven't talked about any of it for months because I'm so sick of the sound of my own voice and hearing myself say 'my mum' a dozen times a day. Other times if I hadn't been able to talk and think it through I'd have gone mad. I think it's fine to leave it all for a while and go off and do something else. I've done this for a couple of years at a time in the past, then it becomes an issue again so I've gone back to talking it through. For me journalling doesn't work as well because I feel like I need someone else there to respond to it and give me a perspective. I've been through phases where I've over-analysed but I think that's the flip side of being raised like a robot - you need to learn where the healthy place is and it's somewhere between never thinking about yourself and thinking about yourself constantly. Like anything, it takes practise! I remember when my therapist first pointed out to me how much I did for other people and it was way too much. I went completely the other way for a while and refused to do the tiniest thing for anyone if it was any kind of effort for me at all, right down to refusing to drop something off for someone as I went past their house. I got back to a happy medium in time but it took a while.
I've rambled on for ages so don't know if any of this makes any sense! Hopefully something will!
Twoapenny xx
