VVVCM Guess I get to jabber here? Is this thread still with you? No matter, I shall reply to you. Sorry folks here, this is a biggie, I just kept at it and it grew..
Phoenix doesn't seem to have any real problem with Portia apart from CG. The conflict is mainly CG centred.
Portia doesn't have any real problem with Phoenix apart from CG. And ditto. Portia seems to be mainly in confict with Phoenix regarding CG.
Ummm. I’m not sure this is my reality right now. I don’t want to talk about Phoenix either, unless it’s to her, which makes answering this tricky. Er, I think I can say that while it looks like I’m in conflict with Phoenix, I don’t think I am, really. I think we’re struggling to understand each other. It can look like conflict, but it isn’t destructive. Well I don’t think so. Phoenix will see things differently coz that’s how we’re made isn’t it? We can never get inside someone else’s head. Sad but true.
But as for it being CG centred, I don’t think so. Often I think it’s me and I should leave! In my head, lots of people would like to see the back of me. And I stop posting, or post as Guest, or as another name. I do that because I think the Portia name carries too much history. And if I’m seen to support someone, others might not like it. So the person I’m supporting might be ‘caught’. I think I am seen as ‘bad’ or disruptive by some. I think people might think I ‘took sides’ with Somebody. I did take a side (eventually, after swearing and stamping my feet), the side of not excluding or persecuting anyone. Inclusion is not agreement is it? We don’t have to love and agree with everyone in order to tolerate each other?
Aside: a heard a radio prog the other day about Inuits in Greenland. Apparently they don’t have a word for ‘punishment’. Amazing! Because they don’t believe, it’s not part of their meaning, that a person can be ‘bad’. When someone does something ‘wrong’ they don’t think the person is bad and they don’t even think of punishment: instead they realise that something caused the person to behave or think as they did. And they try to find out what happened. They ask questions! Think I wanna live in Greenland. If it wasn’t so cold. Anyway, just wanted to share that.
I wonder about the Newbies finding this forum at times like this. Newbies who are hurting and need a place to talk. I wonder if they might go away with a very wrong impression of what this forum is all about.
Yes, this worries me. How many never even post? But can you or I help that? And surely they have the option to come back later? So I guess it’s okay. But I admit, when I post what I think is a tough post, I do come back frequently to see if I need to talk, apologise, make amends. I take risks here I might not take in ‘real’ life. Oh I don’t know though. I do take more risks now I think about it. And the sky hasn’t fallen in yet. Yeah!
And CG doesn't. CG by her own admission stays in the Ramble thread and contributes to just a few. And sometimes inappropriately. Personally, I think that CG's style doesn't fit the ethos of this board.
I love CG so I’m just a tad biased. And I’ve seen CG in guest mode be very supportive of others (I’m guessing it was CG at the time coz it wasn’t always obvious). I think I can be very confrontational, or I used to be, and over time I’ve seen CG’s style as kinder in some ways and so much wisdom given freely. Such generosity! But then other times she’s made me wince with swearing! And over the top expressions (one to HUG&C comes to mind where I really did wince, physically). (CG when you read this, it was the one about the cross and skirt. Wow. I know some awful things were being said about me at the time, but I couldn’t have written that so graphically. Ha ha maybe it’s just my image-brain picture-making.)
I VOTE CG STAYS.
So what did everyone else on this thread think? Did they answer you VVVCM?
Oh wow. Well
Solace, you vented big time there! I’ve got a hunch there’s lots more where that came from and you know what? I think it’s good. It needs to come out. I don’t know if you can do it here, I really hope you don’t do it to people here, coz you know it’s not about them don’t you? Course you do. Who are you really angry about? Want some candidates from me? Come on S. Both your parents treated you like shit and it’s time you said so. You can forgive them once you’ve really thought about what they did to you, when you’ve wept and shouted and screamed and got it out. Maybe I’m wrong. But I like to see you lose control. It’s okay. What’s not okay is who’s in your way at the time. Okay? I’m here. You can rage at me. Tell me how to get you angry at me! Did I just do that?
It’s a pity it went in your direction
Ellie. Mind you, you got some good anger out yourself too. Anger is okay! It’s okay to be angry. It’s necessary to be angry. When we’ve stuffed much of our anger about our childhoods, heck, it’s got to come out or it just might kill us. Heart attack stuff. I hope you’re okay Ellie. Big voice back there, love it.
Dee, Les, Blue Topaz: can I talk to you together please? I hope I’ve got this right. You seem to want to ‘not see’ the conflicts. Like you said Les, you can not read those threads. Difficult I think! But getting an idea of someone’s personality is important, if you’re going to give any credence to any advice they give? So you have to see what’s happening everywhere. I guess. And isn’t it like watching the news? I don’t want to see war, killing, starvation etc but it’s there, in full terrible colour. I can look away, turn it off. It doesn’t stop it happening. It’s the real world. And becoming more self-aware, I think, is also becoming more aware of how the world around us operates. We’re not separate from it, we’re part of it. How we react to it is what’s important.
Iwonder:
Solace..... did you forget to sign in as CG before you went off on a rant at Ellie?
Stop this crap about people being multiple personas here. It’s taunting and childish and helps nobody. If you can’t say something helpful, shut up until you can. IMHO. It’s just an opinion.
Kiba Jin:
sharing our experiences maybe wouldn't get noticed or wanted
Good point and it made me go ‘ouch’. You’re right, expending too much time and energy on conflicts with a few people can mean that others get ignored. But I’m only one person. And not everyone is caught up in Ramble/Romper whatever. Some members don’t post to these threads and don’t even read them! Bunny has said that she doesn’t read Ramble and I was relieved. It’s no big deal. Those involved in conflicts don’t (usually) lash out at those not involved. So – umm – noticed or wanted? The more I think about those words, the more questions I have. I didn’t come here to be noticed or wanted so I can’t really understand. I came here for answers – clarity, information, to help me understand things. Maybe I've misinterpreted those words of yours. Probably.
Guest:
Perhaps it could reduce some exhibitionism and need to be the center of attention activities also.
I doubt it. Wounded people come in all shapes sizes and needs. And somehow here some expect to get along better than in real life. I don’t know why. We’re all just people. Trying to sort out our stuff. Why this board should be some soothing, non-confrontational haven, I don’t know. I think there are other places for that. Places where you can’t be anonymous and therefore where you do watch what you say. Personally I prefer upfront honesty. But I know that’s just me and I don’t speak for anyone else at all. Just me. Not newcomers, not other members, I speak just for me.
Guest:
But because some bullies start bullying people in Ramble thread, the Board has treated Ramble as THE problem.
Interesting, hadn’t thought of that! But can I say, Ramble hasn’t been all good at all, and I have got nasty stuff in there. But then, nasty stuff came to Ramble to twist my head inside out and give me a good hiding. All actions have consequences. But yes, CG is definitely not the problem and hasn’t been The Problem. CG/Sunny is member like everyone else, only human.
Hiya again
Solace:
My anger is toward the whole acceptance of bullying and abusing that I have seen here on this board.
I gotta disagree S! Bet you knew I would? I think your anger is about a whole lot more: rejection, alienation, abuse, yes being an intelligent child being utterly and completely controlled by the twerps who you lived with. I know it wasn’t their fault S, but heck, that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt you. Your experience is what matters – not their intention. All that matters is what S the little girl had to experience and how you coped with your experiences which I wouldn’t wish on anyone. You had a very bad time of it S. Very bad. Do you know that?
Anyway VVVCM, it seems it’s not ‘all CG’s fault’ after all. Not many votes here! But I get the impression folk here don’t want to force anyone to leave. Which is great isn’t it? That people can live together on a message board? It is great.
