My Vote Is - Phoenix Should Leave

[phoenix]

Here, have at it. Phoenix

[phoenix]

Flower - I don't want anyone to take sides. I'm not out to convince anyone.  Some will, some won't, regardless. I just want for CG to stay out of my way, and for it to be known whether anyone thinks my actions here are proper or not - that I am having a problem with her.

I posted this so others can voice there feelings about me if they want. I just felt it only fair to have an anti-Phoenix site.

I have no plan of leaving. Phoenix

[Wildflower]

Please stop this, Pheonix.  Please get some sleep, go outside, walk around.  Distract yourself from the board from a little while.  I hear how stressed and frustrated and fatigued you are, and continuing this discussion right now will not help you.

I think I can understand why you might start this thread, but opening yourself up to criticism is not the answer either.  What's been said has been said.

If you want CG to stay out of your way, I'm sure she will respect that.  But can you see that part of staying out of your way involves your decision not to put yourself in her way?  I don't know the history between you two, but I do know that she's been staying on Ramble and she hasn't been seeking you out.  You have a choice here.  Stay here and allow CG her space (if she in fact decides to stay after all this), or continue fighting and stirring this up.

With regard to sharing problems with Ramble, maybe it would be better if you could try to address that problem without singling out board members.  For instance, a question about why people post here - instead of demands that a certain thread stop and a certain person leave.  Or maybe a question about whether or not it's okay to talk about subjects that aren't obviously related to the topic of the board?  Or maybe even a question about whether there should be limits on the length of a thread?

I can see why some might be annoyed by Ramble.  I honestly still don't understand why people are upset by it (except for some of the attacking that has happened there), but it seems to me that there's a lot that could be talked about before needing to get personal.

Regarding finding support from others who are upset by CG, I can understand your need for validation on this.  Perhaps there are those who want to share this with you.  Maybe they can in PM.  Maybe you can get to the heart of the matter.  Talking about people behind their backs but unavoidably to their faces is just bound to upset people, though.

I'm not speaking now as someone who's taking sides but as someone who wants to see an end to this shredding of each other on this board.

Please get some rest, Pheonix.  No one wants you to leave.

Wildflower

[Moonflower]

....

[phoenix]

Wildflower, Thank you for the thoughful reply.

I would like to stop this altogether. There is no resolve.   I am not interested in inviting pms about it. My feelings are known, that is sufficient.

I don't know at what point it would be fair for me to walk completely away.

Phoenix

[Wildflower]

Hi Pheonix,

I don't know at what point it would be fair for me to walk completely away.

Yeah, that's a tough question.  I struggle with it when I'm in the middle of something I'm trying to work out.  But if you're done with this, I think it would be fair to let it rest.  Even if others pick it up, if you're tired, you're tired.  I've heard you saying that you've gotten what you needed here, not what you'd hoped for but something else that is enough.  If others need to keep talking, it's still okay for you to walk away.  The conversation didn't go the way you'd hoped, and maybe now it's out of your hands.

I'm just saying that my vote is that it's okay for you to walk away.  And it's okay to talk about other topics and give this one a rest.  It's okay to stay here and move on (people obviously value your opinion and want to hear what you have to say).  

Take care,
Wildflower

[phoenix]

Wildflower,

You put that nicely- it resonated with what I felt, or was struggling to understand. This will be my last post of the night.

One thing more to say. I am not one opposed to Ramble or wishing to running CG out - I just... well I've said it already.

I know what it is like to have an online friendship that is valuable to a person.

I don't think I've ever had an exchange with you before, and this was pleasant. I look forward to further posting with you.

Thank you, Phoenix

[longtimelurker]

Hi Phoenix,

Just a quick hi

I was looking at the romper room thread and the subtly abusive way you are being addressed and I wondered if this is the online equivalent of being gaslighted?

there are a few who seem to be adept at this tactic on this board and I think we both understand it but it is much more difficult to explain  
Even more difficult to explain to people who didn't join the dots at the time. The elephant may be in the living room but not everyone can see it.
the guest function doesn't really help. and for one, I am certainly doubting thomas

[Thomas as Guest]

It may also be worthwhile for the board to question your motivations and intentions as well mine Longtimelurker. Wildflower appeared to have calmed Phoenix down somewhat and then you come along and flame and attempt to inflame her again. Attempting to create in Phoenix more paranoia, now, specifically about my posts and motives. Why would you want to do that?

And for the record, my vote is that Phoenix stays.

Thomas

[Anonymous]

and then you come along and flame and attempt to inflame her again

no Thomas, I'm saying that's what you were doing.

I posted to support phoenix as she has posted before about the 'pattern' of posting that occurs when something like this happens. Your post just fits into that pattern.

[Anonymous]

Hi Phoenix,

Just a quick hi

I was looking at the romper room thread and the subtly abusive way you are being addressed and I wondered if this is the online equivalent of being gaslighted?

there are a few who seem to be adept at this tactic on this board and I think we both understand it but it is much more difficult to explain  
Even more difficult to explain to people who didn't join the dots at the time. The elephant may be in the living room but not everyone can see it.
the guest function doesn't really help. and for one, I am certainly doubting thomas

What nonsense you speak Longtimelurker. Read your own posts and see your own dissembling if you're capable. I can see you are really playing some join the dots game with Phoenix's head in that post, and referencing to some past time which is totally unrelated to now.

What is your real agenda here Longtimelurker? You seem full of furtive unsupportable innuendo tonight.

No doubt, you are just an alter ego of one of those members who are pming Phoenix and fueling her concerns but who won't step forward themselves.

I don't believe Phoenix or the board's welfare have anything to do with what you are up to, here, and now!

T.

[Wildflower]

Hi longtimelurker and Thomas,

I can see that both of you might have good intentions.  Can I just offer two observations/experiences?

Even more difficult to explain to people who didn't join the dots at the time. The elephant may be in the living room but not everyone can see it.

It may be that some can't see what's obvious.  It may be that what seems obvious isn't actually the case.  But no matter the case, criticizing others just ends up making you look bad, no matter your intentions.  I know how frustrating it can be to watch someone in a destructive relationship (my stepmother with my dad), but I can't tell her that my dad is a horrible person.  She doesn't see it that way and she would stop trusting me if I did.  All I can do is be supportive - and stand up to him when I'm around.  All I can do is set an example by taking care of my own BS with my dad.  All I can do is talk with her when she needs it and be ready to talk about tougher subjects only when she gives me an opportunity and asks for help.  As my therapist has told me about these relationships, they're adults.  They may be blind at times, but they're adults and they are ultimately responsible for themselves.  Trying to get someone to see the 'bad' in someone tends to backfire.

So does analyzing people to their faces.  Especially here.  I bet there are a ton of us who had parents who analyzed us - and told us quite convincingly and in graphic detail exactly what was wrong with us.  When you analyze someone and then follow through by telling them what you're thinking (especially when it's bad but even sometimes when it's good), it puts most people on the defensive - and people here have some pretty well-developed defense mechanisms, I think.

I think there's some strange stuff going on here at times, but hopefully we can stop this particular thread of it.  This is just a suggestion, but maybe you could show Pheonix your support by being there and listening when she comes back and posts on other topics.  This topic may still be too hot to talk about without someone taking it the wrong way.

Wildflower

[phoenix]

Hi Phoenix,

Just a quick hi

I was looking at the romper room thread and the subtly abusive way you are being addressed and I wondered if this is the online equivalent of being gaslighted?

there are a few who seem to be adept at this tactic on this board and I think we both understand it but it is much more difficult to explain  
Even more difficult to explain to people who didn't join the dots at the time. The elephant may be in the living room but not everyone can see it.
the guest function doesn't really help. and for one, I am certainly doubting thomas

Hi Longtimelurker,

I know you know what I am talking about. And I feel encouraged by your post  - not inflamed!

I think Thomas is just going about this the way that is in his nature. I am not bothered by him and I don't feel threatened by him - his way is just different. He is doing his best from his point of view to be fair and impartial and get to the bottom of this. I have written plenty that he can go back and mull over to perhaps get my meaning. Like the black hole analogy. I've done the best I can do.

LTL, I do know you are seeing what I see. Again, thankyou.Phoenix


Thomas, I had to chuckle at ltl's " Doubting Thomas"lol

[Portia]

Hi all, sorry haven't read all the threads of last day or so, just saw this one and wanted to say no way, Phoenix stays if you want to P. And so does anyone else who wants to be here.

But staying or going? Nah. We can always take a break and come back. Nothing is 'stay or go' is it? That black and white?

Anyhoos, taking a real break here, see ya in over a week. Take care all,  P

[longtimelurker]

thank you phoenix

i thought you would get it