Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mothering Again, con't.
Hopalong:
Thanks, ((((Lighter)))).
I'm managing to stay fairly calm and though I trashed my kitchen again, still oddly feel happy at the core.
Considering everything, my D-triggering has been fairly brief and not too overwhelming.
I think one day at a time is really helping at the moment. Spent a lot of distraction time for a few days and it felt good. Friend visited today and we laughed a lot. Had a major cuddle with Pooch and snow is beautiful. Poetry class was intense (in a good way) and that's exciting too.
I'd like all my days this simple.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
That was a really nice update, Hops.
Just what I needed to see from my position on the ground, spitting (fig.) teeth.
I'll post about it on a the Mindfulness thread, but....
it was really nice to see you standing down the path....
holding that lantern.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Felt good to post some calm and happy moments, for sure.
That's what we've all got, day to day.
I think the distress it's all churned up was/is the Big Sadness of my life, which I thought I'd been able to move past. Of course, I can't move past it fully as long as she and I are both alive and she is suffering. Mother-heart still grieves for her, while trying to balance my own needs. She's in a very tough situation, and nothing can be done about the inner biologic causes that are out of her control. I tend to feel responsible for all the outer causes (not having the money she needs or secure housing)...and if I were wealthy, I'd take care of it.
There's something awful about not being able to help your child materially as much as they need.
I hope her life calms soon. It's no wonder to me that her adrenals got destroyed, given the constant stress of trying to survive with a betraying brain. She's lived with dire swings for a long time. Bipolar can be a manageable or a horrible condition.
hugs
Hops
Hopalong:
[moved this here after originally posting on the Mindfulness & Codependence thread--wasn't thinking, sorry Lighter.]
I got an email today from my daughter's half brother (currently in Beijing in Foreign Service). He was forwarding me her latest appeal for funds to keep her housing. (I wasn't CC'd on that one, maybe because I'd told her I couldn't send more money.)
It was a very sad and I think real story, but she's been doing this online pleading for years and years. And, I can't.
But he asked me if she could come live with me...he'd buy her a bus ticket. So I had to face it. The big question. I replied it just wasn't possible. Explained a little bit, her diagnoses and her harsh attitude toward me. How I loved her and still do, but "my heart literally couldn't take it" and that I'd given her all the money I could.
That was it. I told him I hoped he and perhaps their other brother could find some new resources for her. Asked him to stay in touch if major updates happen.
So now I think there's a realistic possibility she'll end up on the street or in a very sketchy situation, or both. It's HELL to contemplate this, but I'm holding the boundary. I can't quite describe how it all feels. I fear getting The Phone Call one day.
hugs and howls--
Hops
PS I know she's been in at least one physically abusive relationship, since I looked up the title of a book on her nightstand. Nightmare that she could go back to that.
Twoapenny:
Sorry, Hopsie. I know how hard that is, even when it's the right thing to do. Truthfully, even without the relationship situation I don't think someone with your daughter's health problems moving in with her 70 years young mother is a good idea. Add all that's gone before to the mix and yeah. Sounds like her brothers need to get a bit more involved if they're concerned. It's not fair to ask that of you. I'm glad you were able to put head over heart and say no.
I hope she gets some help from another source and can stabilise her living situation a bit xx
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