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Mothering Again, con't.

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sKePTiKal:
The most important lesson I can share, is to focus on the concrete; on what is - and don't let your imagination try to connect any dots, explain things, or try to mind-read or speculate. I think you're doing that, Hops. (None of us ever master that, btw...)

Stick with the present and don't drift into future possibilities. It will be what it will be.

Within that structure, you can probably be pretty safe in sitting with whatever feelings or intuitions you have.

lighter:
How're you doing, Hops?

You doing OK?

Hopalong:
Pretty well, Lighter, no small thanks to you and Amber.
What you both have said has been so bolstering.

I'm still hearing brief updates from D, one with a pic of her with the temporary teeth. She's become stunningly overweight but I think it's her response to the steroids and maybe comfort eating too. Won't get involved in any advice, natch, but I'm sad for her. Her smile looks real and complete and I could see how happy it's making her.

Overall I'm doing minimal but nice responses. Not asking questions or trying to get closer. I remain ambivalent but not angry. Just wary, and still caring. We'll see.

Meanwhile, I'm working at focusing on my own life again. The organizing is slow but steady and every little area restored to sanity lifts my spirits. Long way to go, particuarly with the paperwork, but so it is. Leaving that for last since that's where my anxiety is headquartered. Once I'm enjoying the rest of my home in serenity it'll feel less threatening to tackle paper management. It's a huge pileup. Later. Later.

Friends are good. I've distanced myself from rant-friend and am getting closer to some others. All good! Writing a good deal, and start an in-person poetry workhop in a week or so. Gave a lay "sermon" that was a joyful experience. Prolly told y'all that already.

hugs
Hops

lighter:
Reading about your DD's smile makes my heart glad, Hops.

 You,
honoring yourself and holding boundaries,
 makes it soar! 

Not gonna lie.... emotions sound complicated, but you're creating new ways of being. 

There are no perfect choices and no mistakes. 

Just noticing what's there, sans judgment. 

My T would say "sitting in gentle awareness."  Yup yup yup.

  That's the most loving thing you can do for your child, ((Hops.))

Honor yourself and model self care, above all, bc you wish those things for her.

You're a good Mother, ((Hops.))

Lighter

Hopalong:
Thanks, ((((((Lighter))))))). I know I was or always tried to be.
It's not "active mothering" now and that's what's sanest. Likely for us both.

I want to make ongoing decisions to never go back to the 24/7 anguish.
I am a different mother now.

Nature and fortune hand us random results sometimes, accepting them is the job.

hugs
Hops

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